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Yesterday, I got an email asking me to contribute to an article called, "Tips for Lasting Change." Here's what I said plus more - for you...
Go backward to go forward: Most of us don't lay enough groundwork for the change we want; we plant seeds expecting quick results before preparing the soil. Stuck? Take a step back. Give yourself unequivocal permission to want and have this change.
Hone your vision of what it will feel and be like when you are already living your change. This will immediately do three things for you.
- It will focus your attention. Where we focus is where we go. I remember learning this the hard way as a kid riding my bike. If I didn't want to hit the curb, it was much better to focus on the road!
2. It will bring up any doubts or resistance you have so you can observe.
3. The non-grey matter part of your brain, a.k.a., your subconscious, doesn't know the difference between a real or an imagined situation. It has no sense of time either. So if you envision living a certain situation with the qualities you want for it, you will "live it" biochemically right now. A benefit of visioning, say, a delicious dip in the ocean, is that we're in a positive emotional state and capable of noticing more of what is around us. Often we see something perfect for our growth that we might not have noticed before. Voila, movement forward.
Use If/Then statements:
Meeting an obstacle can bring up feelings of helplessness causing us to just give up on our plan. If/Then statements help us think through the obstacles we might encounter (both inner & outer obstacles) before we're there. We gain control over our future responses making it more likely we'll know what to do and then do it!
E.g.,
If I'm at Thanksgiving dinner and Aunt Ella insists I take a piece of cheesecake Then I will ...change the subject by telling her how much I like her dress, next I'll leave the table for a moment."
Become interested and curious about your patterns, particularly internal thought and emotional ones. Start minding your mind and observing the thought patterns that lead to behaviors you don't want anymore or that keep you from actions you do want.
Be willing to try new patterns and let go of old ones. The patterns that got you here may have been excellent for getting here, but they won't get you there. If the did you'd already be there.
Find allies: As my friend Thelma says, "Self-help doesn't mean do it yourself." Identify several people willing to support you until you've reached your goal. Discern who in your life won't get it or will be threatened by your change and refrain from sharing with them. Find an expert for focused support. Make sure to use your allies for encouragement when you've made even the smallest step forward.
Small steps + lots of clapping = motivation during the hard stuff. 
Practice self- compassion. If you're stuck, it just means this particular change is hard for you even if it looks like rainbows and unicorns for someone else. Start where you are and then give yourself kudos for each step closer to what you want.
Warmly,
Judy
Judy Garfinkel Life,Learning & Career Coach
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