Give the argument a name. Use the word conflict.

Say, "It sounds as though we have a conflict about who gets to use the computer."

1. Remind your children that conflict is how we learn and grow and tell them you are going to work with them to resolve the conflict.

solution that's fair. (If they resist, tell them they can work out the problem or they can both do without the computer.) They can't call each other names. They have to tell the truth.

3. Get the facts. Have each child tell his side of the story. Jacob may say he's working on a book report. Simon may say he has to look up facts for a report that's due tomorrow.