Parent Buzz Newsletter - Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts

The Parent Buzz 

 

An e-newsletter for parents from Let's Be Honest               February 2013 Issue 37

                                       

 


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Babylandia -- It's not on the map!

 

Parents in our Let's Be Honest workshops share many inventive ways they've handled the oh-so-common question, "Where do babies come from?" We thought we'd heard them all - until this year's Super Bowl. One of the half-time commercials showed perhaps the most creative fictional response ever shared with a child!   

  

In the ad, a family is riding in a car when a young boy asks his dad, "Where do babies come from?" The dad then tells the story of "Babylandia," a fantastical land in outer space where all babies - from humans to pandas - come from. He says the babies then "penetrate" the earth in a rocket before dropping down in little pink and blue parachutes to their mommies and daddies.   

  

The boy looks skeptical as he glances at his baby sibling next to him, and starts to say that his friend Jake said, "Babies are made when mommies and daddies ..." Suddenly, the panicked dad commands the car to play "Wheels on the Bus," and the mom and dad start singing loudly, avoiding the line of questioning.

  

Our response to this ad? What a missed opportunity!   

  

Between the ages of three and five, children often ask this question, and it is good to be prepared with a response. Children at this age typically have a developmentally-appropriate curiosity about pregnancy and childbirth. They want to know where a baby comes from and where it was before it was born. It makes sense that they want to understand how they got here!

  

Some parents ask why it is important to answer preschoolers' questions about where babies come from rather than waiting until they're older. Avoiding this question may get parents off the hook in the moment, but curiosity doesn't go away - most kids keep searching for an answer! Avoiding the question can also give the child the message that you don't want to talk to them about sexuality.   

  

Answering questions in an age- and developmentally-appropriate manner helps lay the foundation for future conversations, enabling young people to make healthier, safer and better-informed decisions related to sexuality. Here are some tips:

  1. Make sure you know what your child is really asking. You could start by saying something like, "Where do you think you came from?" or, "Do you mean where we lived when you were born?"
  2. Think about the values you want to impart along with the facts. Do you want your child to know that there are many different kinds of families or the fact that children can be conceived and delivered in different ways? Was your child adopted? Conceived through artificial insemination? Are you gay or lesbian parents?              There are plenty of resources available to help all parents with these important conversations, such as Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays and the National Council on Adoption.

3. Start with very simple answers and watch to see if your child is interested in continuing the conversation. Build on the information as the questions continue. Take a deep breath, stay calm, make eye contact, and smile! Start with, "That's a great question. I'm glad you asked."  

 

Here is a sample conversation that might help:

Child: "Where did I come from? Where do babies come from?"

 

Parent: "Do you mean where were you born or how do babies get started?"

 

Child: "I mean babies."

 

Parent: "What a good question! Babies grow in a special place inside a mom called the uterus."

 

Child: "What's a uterus?"

 

Parent: "It's a special place inside a woman, right below her stomach. Only women have uteruses, so only women can have babies grow inside of them. "

 

Child: "How does the baby get into the uterus?"

 

Parent: "Inside the woman is a tiny egg cell; inside the man are tiny sperm cells. When the egg cell and the sperm cell join together, a baby can start."

 

Child: "But how do the egg and sperm get together?"

 

Parent: "When two grown-ups love each other, they like to kiss and hug and touch each other in ways that feel good. Sometimes, the man and the woman place the man's penis into the woman's vagina. The man's penis releases sperm into the woman and sometimes a baby begins."*

 

Of course, there are other ways that children are conceived. Preschoolers and even early-elementary-school children won't necessarily understand the details of infertility or adoption, but they can understand "the special story of how you came to us." They can be told that another mom is their "birth mother" but that you are their parents and you will love them forever. "You grew in the uterus of another woman, who could not take care of you. We wanted a baby very much, so we took you home and we love you very much." Or, "We needed help making you, so we used a special place called a sperm bank and got sperm that would help get you started."

 

Remember, every question is a valuable opportunity to share important facts and values about sexuality with your child. Avoid putting "Babylandia" into your GPS or into conversations with your children - it shouldn't exist on the parenting map!

 

*From Diapers to Dating: A Parent's Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Children, Debra Haffner, MPH

 

 

Visit our website for helpful tips, information about workshops, and much more. Don't miss an opportunity to be the primary sexuality educator for your children.   
Need help? Call our Parent Education Team at (617) 616-1658.
  
  

Sincerely,


Parent Education

 

  

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