Turning Fear Into Faith

I was powerless over the addict in my life. After some time in Al-Anon, it became obvious to me. I had tried everything I could think of (multiple times) and it didn't work. He didn't change. But admitting powerlessness was scary. If I couldn't save him, who could? Who would? Things were also going to hell in a hand basket at work. I was afraid I was going to be fired from my job of 20 years. I learned in Al-Anon that my fears, anxiety, and discomfort lead me to try to control things to avoid facing my fears. Step One told me I was powerless, but that was bad news--if I didn't have any power and couldn't control things, my fears could overwhelm me. When it became obvious I was powerless, over my addict and my boss, I was really lost at what to do next. I knew I needed help.

One day, my sister (an experienced Al-Anon member) asked me about my greatest fears with my qualifier. I told her I was afraid he would die, become homeless, be unhappy for the rest of his life. She asked, "And then what?" I realized what would happen. If he died or became homeless or was unhappy for the rest of his life, I would be very sad and in great pain; however, I was already very sad and in great pain. And he had not reached any of those points. So what was I doing? I was living in the future, making myself miserable in the present over some potential future misery. It didn't make sense, but I didn't know how to stop. Not only could I not control the addict, it appeared I could not control myself.

What I learned was to trust. I began slowly by trusting the people in Al-Anon. At first, I'd hear people share and think how I or my situation differed; what made sense for them probably wouldn't work for me. A member said to me that we are all different, but it is how we are the same that makes this program work. After hearing the same stories from so many different people, I tried some of what I heard, like "letting go." Maybe I was not so different after all and could learn. So I started to try. Little by little, I tried and learned.

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The Forum contains many personal stories of inspiration, some of which are made available each month online by authorization of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Click here to read the excerpts below in full.

...

I didn't know that Dad was yelling at me because he was trying to control the uncontrollable--your addictions.

I didn't know why there was no talk at home about anything, or why there were rules that kept changing.

I didn't know that you loved me. Even though you never hugged me or said you loved me--it was evident in the clothes & birthday cakes you made me.

...

Used with permission from The Forum, April 2014.