If you look up the definition of 'want' online you'll find lists of meanings which all really come under two headings:

1. To desire, wish for. She wants a glass of water.

2. To be deficient, fall short. He stayed home for want of anything better to do.

'Want, want, want, want, want!'

That's what my mother used to say to my younger sister, an inveterate wanter at that time. She was expressing what any young child naturally feels when faced with a world of sweets and other good things, all just out of reach. You hear similar conversations in shops now.

'Can I have this, Mummy?'

'No.'

'Can I have one of these?'

'No.'

'Let's get some of these, Mum, shall we?'

'No.'

'What about.....'

'Will you stop asking for things!!'

Little surprise that we end up associating wanting with lacking, which is presumably why the word ended up having these two rather different meanings.

The four noble truths of Buddhism centre around just this topic. Here is a somewhat simplified version:

1. Suffering is inevitable (that's just how it is)

2. Most of it is caused by wanting things (because when you want things you experience a sense of deficiency when you don't get them)  

3. It is possible to stop wanting things (and feel a whole lot better)

4. Here's how (many years of practicing detachment).

Or at least that's what I always thought Buddhism was about, but recently something happened to challenge that. I have always been interested in Buddhism - it seems to me more a philosophical path than a religion - and quite recently someone mentioned to me that she was a Buddhist and gave me a card. It was for Soka Gakkai International, or SGI for short. Further investigation revealed that this is a form of Buddhism that originated in Japan and that it is quite widespread in the West. A quick look at their website and I discovered that there were no less than half a dozen meetings taking place within a mile or so of where I live. Bitten by curiosity I went along to one.

Now here's the thing. The most striking feature about this form of Buddhism is that they chant. This is not the usual kind of chanting, low rumbles of single syllables, but it is an entire liturgy, twenty minutes long, in Japanese, that is delivered at terrifying speed and high volume. And what do you do when you chant? You ask for the things you want. I was very confused.

A very kind woman put aside some time to explain it all to me. She agreed that some forms of Buddhism centred around eliminating desire but that Nichiren Daishonin, the originator of this branch of the religion, thought otherwise. In fact he thought that desire was the route to enlightenment. This not only challenged my understanding about Buddhism, but it turned on its head a central part of my life strategy, which is not wanting what I know I can't have. This is not a conscious strategy, but one I formed when young as a response to my father losing his job and my parents being very worried about money (my sister was too young to understand). I didn't see the point of wanting things that I believed to be out of reach and, probably, I didn't want to experience the disappointment of not getting them.

Anyway, I am nothing if not curious and open to new ideas so I started to chant (first making sure the windows were closed and the neighbours out). While I was chanting I thought of the things I wanted to happen in my life. This was very difficult, like doing something you always thought was wrong (like queue-jumping), but I did my best, becoming bolder with my requests as time went on. And an unexpected thing happened. I started to feel happier, more positive, more energetic. I hadn't received any of these things I was asking for, but just wanting them made me feel good. 

So the question arises, is the path to contentment through detachment from desire, or engagement with it? Can wanting be a good thing if we simply allow ourselves to have it? And is the only reason we invented the other definition for wanting, a feeling of deficiency, because that is what we experience when we don't get what we want?

Try this:

1. What is your personal strategy around wanting? Are you someone who allows yourself to dream of all the wonderful things you'd like in your life, or are you more the kind of person who focusses on what you have as opposed to what you haven't? Whatever your preferences, what made you that way? What happened when you asked for things as a child? Was your family a place where your dreams and desires were encouraged or were they put down and stamped upon?

2. Allow yourself to dream awhile. What would you like in your life? A new car, a great job, a place in the sun, a fabulous new man/woman, a slim body, a new wardrobe, a big house, to live in perfect health till you're a hundred? Immerse yourself in wanting and see what happens.

You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth."

Mark Twain

One might add

'Dream, like you'll never be disappointed'

Enjoy dreaming this week.

Love

Anita