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"Queen Donna Henes explores the historical and modern expectations of women in maturity, and offers wisdom and spark for creating a new story where risk-taking, personal conviction and noisy joy are affirmed. If you are interested in recognizing your inner Queen, let this book be your empowerment manual!"
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I love the Queen! The archetype resonated with me, like finding a missing piece of the puzzle. As a once married, now single, childless-by-choice 41-year old, I am realizing that there is no established fit for women like myself. I suspect there are a lot of 40-something Queen aspirants out there, either people like me or those that married very young, divorced, and whose children are now grown. Anyway, thanks for sharing your insight about the Queen! -
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Always in Season Living in Sync with the Cycles
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IT'S IN THE CARDS!
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On this sacred day in honor of the Feminine Divine, let us bless and chant, drum up and dance our highest and holiest Goddess Selves.
Red libations of the fruit and the vine, and ruby sweet treats will be served. Prepare to ascend to your highest and holiest Self!
Please wear your reddest finery and bring a symbol of your hearts desire for our altar.
Mama Donna's Tea Garden & Healing Haven
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MARCH 17, 24, 31 APRIL 7, 14, 21
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SISTER SPIRIT SUPPORT CIRCLE Today's troubled times demand that we reach out to each other in a sincere and compassionate spiritual community. We will work collectively as an intimate group to help each other achieve our intentions to create spiritually meaningful and effective lives.
These ceremonial circles offer us the understanding, affirmation, encouragement, and support that we all need in order to empower ourselves to succeed in obtaining our goals and to sustain our spiritual perspective in the process. Mama Donna's Tea Garden & Healing Haven Park Slope, Exotic Brooklyn, NY For info: 718-857-1343 Advance reservation required. $300 ($50 per session)
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MARCH 28
Saturday 3pm-6pm and 7:30pm - 10pm VISIONARY SALON: Creating Contemporary Ritual for Every Occasion
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Bring the Queen to You!
Book Queen Mama Donna
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THE QUEEN OF YOUR SELF!
specializing in all manner of elegant, practical, and frivolous goods to fulfill all the royal needs and fantasies of
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Anoint, Adorn, Enjoy!
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NEW!
THE QUEEN OF MY SELF
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It is my hope that as more and more women
rise to reign in the fullest potential
of our supremacy, we will harness our purpose, passion, and power and direct it toward
creating a more balanced and peaceful world.
This is the legacy of Her majesty.
- QMD 
Turn Your
Midlife Crisis into
Your Crowning Achievement!
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Happy Birthday to the Queen!
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I came across this essay in an old Queen computer file. I wrote it on the evening that I began to write The Queen of My Self.
I have been collecting the material for this book for more than eight years now. Ever since my 50th birthday when I first began to have the un-Crone-like revelations that eventually led me to the Queen, I have been preparing to write about Her: clipping articles, doing online and library research, talking with many hundreds of sisters-of-a-certain-age, presenting Queen Workshops and Crowning Ceremonies; spending unending hours with my thoughts, ideas, insights, conversations and dreams. But when the time came for me to think about actually sitting down to write, I realized that there were still more preparations that I needed to make.
Before I could write about the Queen with any moral authority, I felt strongly that I needed to be able meet Her as an equal, face-to-face, Queen-to-Queen. I believed it was crucial for the integrity of the book that I be perfectly fluent in Her language, that I consistently walk in her footprints and see out of her eyes. I needed to know that I could live up to Her lofty standards - and my own. I needed, in fact, to be Her, to personify Her with all of my being, heart, mind, body and soul.
For it to be possible to sort through and assemble all of the sections of this Queenly project, it is imperative that all of the parts of my own life be in prime working order, as well. My spiritual, emotional, intellectual, creative, social, political selves were all functioning just fine. It was my physical self, my own body and my domestic environment that needed urgent upgrading.
I needed a healthy, strong and supple body to support me in my growth and it was high time that I took myself in hand. One month ago, on the New Buck Moon, I made a promise to myself to do some sort of exercise for at least an hour a day for six days a week. I was afraid that when I began to write, I would sit down at the computer in the early morning and not budge until late at night and ultimately explode into a blob of royal protoplasmic jelly. For four weeks now, I have kept to my regime of clean eating and daily-without-fail movement. And it has begun, ever so slightly, to pay off. I sleep less, and have much more energy. I am gradually firming up and svelting down. I figure that by the time the book comes out, I will be fit for a Queen.
Next, I cut my hair, a most common rite of passage among women. I had worn my hair short and spiky for many years and felt that it suited me well. But then, sometime during my midlife traumas I got bored with my hairdo, symbolic, no doubt, of a much deeper discontentment. I kept thinking, "Is this the way I am going to wear my hair for the rest of my life?" So for the sake of variety, I let it grow wild and I hated it for all of the three years that it was long. Then, one day, it was time and I took back control of my own self-image.
I most especially longed for a beautiful palace in which I could entertain the Queen and luxuriate in her exclusive company. I had been living in a series of lofts-in-constant-progress for more than three decades and I was tired of life in a construction zone. I absolutely could not write this book ankle deep in sheet rock dust. My soul cried out for a domain that both soothed and energized me. I lusted for color, so I painted a beautiful Tuscan palette of ochre, terra cotta and teal- a gigantic and daunting job for a 3150-square foot space with 20' ceilings housing a multitude of stuff. Life was hell for two months, disgustingly filthy, exhausting and way beyond my economic means, but like most important things, so worth the trouble. While I suppose this detour away from writing could be mistaken for procrastination, the Queen in me insisted on Her due.
As wonderful as it is to have such a large space, a palace really isn't particularly conducive to introspective ponderings and intensely concentrated writing. So I carved out a tiny 6-foot square space in a corner of my studio using soji screens. I jury-rigged a desk arrangement and a place for my files and books. The screens are covered with my collection of fabulous 1940s bark cloth that I had been saving for years in order to use for something really special. This would be it. The Queen's Chambers, I call it.
The wall to my right sports a cloth tapestry of Queen Nefertiti holding the Goddess Isis by the hand. And on the arched brick wall directly across from my seat hangs an old-fashioned wooden medicine cabinet with a mirrored door. The first thing I see when I enter my small retreat, is my own reflection. Inside, is my altar dedicated to the Queen. Its glass shelves are filled with images, amulets, totems and tokens of majestic power. On the desk are two ceramic goblets, gifts that say, "It is great to be Queen," along with two pewter crowns rescued from the Salvation Army, meant, perhaps, to be candleholders. My own golden wreaths, crowns and coronets from various Crowning Ceremonies are pinned to my lampshade, where they are dramatically backlit. There is a vase of dried roses and a red candle in the shape of a woman.
Now, just as in my fantasy: I, Queen Mama Donna, freshly showered and coiffed, wearing a lovely silk caftan, a Kir Royale in a beautiful glass within reach, sit down to consort with the Queen.
I light the candle.
And begin.
New Thunder Moon
July 17, 2004
Exotic Brooklyn, NY
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The Queen's Court is a gathering of sovereign women of a certain age - our dear peers - who graciously offer information, guidance, inspiration and encourage- ment to each other.
We Queens know what we know. And we know a great deal. Our experience has made us wise. So, feel free to consult with our cyber council/counsel when you are need of sage advice or wish to explore a particular topic of interest.
I have received a flurry of letters over the years from women both asking for and offering definitions and descriptions of Queendom. Here are a few. I hope that they will spark some response from you, the loyal, royal sisterhood who comprise The Queen's Court.
Questions on Queendom:
Hi Queen Donna
I'm not sure if this is an appropriate question. Are you really sure you are a Queen? Are you in the Royal Bloodline? If so, can you call yourself Queen because your ancestors were once related to a Royal Bloodline? But that doesn't mean you are Queen in modern days. Does it? Please clarify for me, because I am about to do research on my family Royal Bloodline also. Thanks,
-Dawn, TX
Dear Queen Dawn,
I am not a Queen with the sort of royal bloodline that you refer to. My royal bloodline is the one that runs through my own veins. I am the self-chosen Queen of Me. The reining Queen of My Self.
The Queen is an archetype that I use in my book, The Queen of My Self, to describe a woman who steps into her sovereignty in midlife. The Queen is the ruler of Her own domain. I see her as being not yet old, yet no longer young; but still active and sexy, vital with the enthusiasm and energy of youth. The Queen is tempered with hard-earned experience and the leavening attitudes of age. She has been forced to face and overcome obstacles and hard lessons, including Her own self-limiting tendencies, and in so doing has outgrown the boundaries of Her old self. Impatient with the unessential and restless for authenticity, She sheds all attachment to the opinions of others and accepts complete responsibility and control over Her life. She is the Queen of Her Self, the mature monarch, the sole sovereign of Her own life and destiny.
And you, my sister Queen, are the Queen of your own life, as well, whether or not you discover ancestral royal blood. Every woman can ascend to her own throne and crown her own head. Our world needs as many Queens as there are women. There can't be too many Queens.
With royal regards,
xxQueen Mama Donna
The mighty Queen, the great and wise, brave and compassionate woman ruler, the reigning commander of Her domain, is an expansive, expressive, accessible, energetic archetype who represents a mature female power, authority, responsibility, and influence worthy of our emulation.
-QMD
Dear Queen Mama Donna,
Just out of curiosity, what is the age range to be included as a Queen? Is it only from midlife on? I'm confused on this.
- Debby, OH
Dear Queen Debby,
How old is a Queen? It depends. I usually think of the Queen as a woman in her middle years, which covers a very large age range from the mid-40s through the mid 70s. But as in all things, there can be exceptions. Women who had children very young and are experiencing the empty nest in their 30s and women who have experienced premature medical menopause have told m
e that they face the same transitional life issues as women who are older. This emotional and physical transformation urges them toward Queendom.
By the same token, women in their late 70s and even 80s have expressed a strong identification with the active and energetic Queen. Two years ago at in a ceremony at a goddess conference in Glastonbury, England, a 90- year old woman insisted on being crowned as a queen rather than a Crone.
So the bottom line is if you feel like you are a Queen, then you are! It is never too early or too late to ascend to your true power.
Your Declarations of Queendom:
I just coined the word regaliciously. I like the way it sounds. If Rachel Ray can get in the dictionary for EVOO, maybe I should contact the dictionary people with the new word: regalicious. What do you think?
- Linda, NY & NJ
When I told my partner, Sheriden about "regalicious" from the December Queen's Chronicles this morning, she coined another word. "Well," she said, "it's Queendomonium around here today!" It's all yours! Queendomonium! We laughed till she cried. Congrats on another swell newsletter as always,
-Susan, MA
I am a Queen. I now wear my crown. My thorns turn to jewels.
Thank you! I think I've been mostly missing the sovereignty aspect... getting it now though.
- Lisa, NY

What I have seen very clearly, right before my eyes over the years, is that women can indeed mature to very advanced ages, while staying lively and vital and full of fire and spunk. My great aunts and distant cousins twice removed were pistols. They didn't cause harm, but they didn't take guff from anyone. They stood their ground gracefully and powerfully and with unmatched poise. They traveled the world - alone or in pairs - when the world expected them to be propped up in a chair at a rest home. They learned foreign languages "late in life." They taught rough-and-tumble college students twice their size and weight how to conjugate verbs. They could fend for themselves, they could make their way unafraid in the world, and they weren't dependent on the approval of men or the dominant paradigm to validate their choices. They ruled their lives with an iron fist in a velvet glove, and they were deeply respected by all. Long before Donna Henes did us the wonderful service of voicing the vital concept of Queendom, these elder women of my youth were Queens. They were Queens in the purest sense of the word, and they remained so well into their 60s, 70s, even 80s.
- Kay, MA
I just celebrated my 69th birthday on December 4th, so I guess I am a Queen!!! If being a Queen is part of your state-of-mind, then, Queen Donna, I too, am definitely a Queen, and I hope to remain one for many years.
- Debbie, OH
I thought about you when during a yoga class we did the Queen pose. How appropriate that there is a Queen pose!
- Susan, CA
You were right when you wrote in The Queen of My Self, "there are no 10 easy steps to sovereignty." Becoming the Queen of my own life has been the hardest thing I have ever done, and also the most rewarding. It seemed natural to love and honor my husband. It was easy to love and nurture my children. But it has been a struggle to come to love, honor and nurture myself. I am still working on it, and every day I feel more like a Queen.
- Queen Isabella, VA
As a little girl I wondered what it would be like to be a Queen, after reading The Queen's Chronicles I have a much deeper and broader understanding of just how good it is to be the Queen. Being a Queen is knowing yourself and loving yourself, so that you can move through your life with confidence and a sense of purpose. Not by any means a perfect state, it requires a willingness to learn, a willingness to dialog and more important to listen, to change when needs be. To value others and their ideas, but to know which ones are true for herself. To carry with you, in your heart, what time has shown and taught you. To love and live tolerance. And to understand that timeworn is not careworn. Being loyal and true to yourself, loving yourself is the root of selflessness, not selfishness.
- Lois, PA
Being a Queen is having enough life experience to truly know what I want, coupled with the motivation and ability to make it happen. Valuing myself enough to allow myself to expend time and resources on my own development. Realizing that doing these things will provide a role model for my 17-yr-old daughter as she enters adulthood.
- Cyndi, TX
A Queen is one who has the ability to show no mercy but decides on mercy and giving of blessings even though I have the ability to curse and hold back on those blessings. A Queen must not look at things from only one point of view. She must be able to make judgment calls without malice. She must not think she is the most important. As a Queen I realize that those who look up to me are far more important than they think they are.
- Karen, IN
A Queen rules her court with love, never fear.
Anne Marie, NM
A Queen believes in what she is doing without any doubt or fear:-)
- Sanaz, Malaysia
I will be 47 this year. I have considered myself a Queen for many years. Queens know themselves completely, even the bad stuff. Queens are fully confident in their powers, boundaries, intuition, strengths, talents and feelings. However, I am also a mother to my six-year old daughter so I feel very much like a mother. So, I consider myself a Queen Mother, actually. I once read about a Polynesian culture whose ruler was a Queen Mother Who Sits on Her Golden Throne. That's me! Yeah!
- Sheryll, CA
I sent this letter out to my friends on February 16:
"In connection with being asked by my friend Beth, who is approaching her fiftieth birthday, to help her do a ceremony, I discovered all over again the wonderful book, The Queen of My Self, by Donna Henes, the Urban Shaman. Among other ingredients, it has one of my poems, "Penelope" in it. If you don't like to think of yourself as a crone, this is IT - think of yourself as a Queen, and here is how to do it. I can't recommend it strongly enough! You'll want a copy, and I'm not letting my copy out of my sight again."
- Karen, NJ
As a sister-Queen, I proudly stand in the authentic truth of my own talents and abilities and I proudly proclaim my desires to help transform the world (and shift the patriarchal paradigm) through my thoughts, words, deeds and actions (including my writings!).
- Queen Mary Immaculata, CO
I think the most important thing is that becoming the Queen of My Self is a process and an ongoing one at that. The confidence and self esteem that a Queen radiates makes her beautiful. Her beauty comes from within and shines through her eyes, her smile, her words, and her gestures. It comes from being your own unique self.
L.a., PA
I am coming into my Queendom and I am so proud. I have been through hell and back, and now I am finally able to proclaim that I am the boss of me. How liberating that is.
- Lisa, MI
I am 40 this year. I have been looking forward to this birthday since I turned 30. That was a traumatic year. I thought I was maybe a little off for being so anxious to get to what so many of my school friends and countless other women seem so horrified by. Then I started hearing about this Queen archetype. It suddenly made sense. I know 40 isn't a magic number, but to me it is a signal of great things to come.
- Kim, IA
Being a Queen means knowing how to access my life force energy, what activates it, what zaps it, AND granting myself permission to do whatever it takes to stay connected to this inner fountain of youth!
- Daina, MI
A Queen knows she is worthy based on nothing but the truth that she IS Goddess in Form
-Phoebe, NC
I suppose Queening is self-proclaimed,
- Lauree, NY
You got it, girlfriend! You are the Queen, because you say you are the Queen. You feel it and think it, and show it, and therefore you are! The Yoruba have a saying, "You crown your own head."
- QMD
The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
- Roseanne Barr
I would love to further this discussion. Do send in your definitions, descriptions and declarations of Queendom.
Please send your responses or questions to thequeenofmyself@aol.com
Your letters will be printed in the next Queen's Chronicles.
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The Queen's Correspondence
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Thanks so much for taking the time to respond to The Queen's Chronicles. It is a joy to connect with you and to share your comments with our sister Queens.
Letters in response to the DECEMBER 2014 Issue:
I enjoyed your chronicle today. I loved Eve Ensler's poem. I am very happy that you posted an announcement of the book Merlin Stone Remembered. I hope people will respond to it. It is almost a fairy tale--how they met and stayed together so long--a very unlikely pair, but one that was surely guided to meet. I send blessings and light, and many thanks for the great spiritual work that you do. You seem to have endless energy.... and the work obviously gives energy back to you, too.
- Gloria, CA
The story about the cheeky airlines agent was a scream! Would that I could think on my feet so quickly and with such effective, cutting humor. "Tell it like it is" indeed!
_ Sharlene, LA
It is amazing to me that you put out one after another newsletter of such high quality. And you have been doing it for such a long time. You are a great role model for me, and I am sure for others, as well.
-Eleanor, WA
Always beautiful to read your research of truth.
- Linda, NY
I want to thank you for all you do on behalf of women everywhere. Goddess blessings for 2015 and beyond.
- Linda, FL
Every issue is a gem. I feel so privileged to be in this network of wonderful older women who you have gathered and continue to inspire.
- Shirley, NE
You are doing such wonderful work. The world really needs you. God bless you,
- Kaye, AZ
Please keep your letters coming. And do feel free to make suggestions about content you would like to see. Or anything else, for that matter.
Your letters will be printed in the next Queen's Chronicles.
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We extend hearty congratulations to our multi-talented circle of Sister Queens for their impressive accomplishments and successes.
What I really need is for people to know that
I don't just do this, I do this and this and this and this. We all have creativity in us and we all are
multi-dimensional and we are all interested in
a lot of things and that women are fabulous.
We can handle a lot of things.
- Suzanne Somers
Alessandra Belloni, NJ; Barbara Hammer; NY; Annie Lanzillotto, NY; Linda Montano, NY; and Laura Simms, NY; on their performances and/or performances of their work.
Jerri Allyn, CA; Emma Amos, NY; Eleanor Antin, CA; Ida Applebroog, NY; Suzanne Benton, CT; Cristina Biaggi, NY; Dara Birnbaum, NY; Darla Bjork, NY; Stephanie Brody-Lederman, NY; Lauren Curtis, NJ; Joyce Cutler-Shaw, CA; Anne Gauldin, CA; Cheri Gaulke, CA; Janet Goldner, NY; Julie Harrison, NY; Sheila Pepe, NY; Chrissie Schlessinger, NY; Anna Shapiro, RI; Robin Tewes, NY; Linda VAllejo, CA; and Martha Wilon, NY; on the exhibitions of their artwork.
Sandy Boucher, CA, She Appears: Encounters with Kwan Yin Goddess of Compassion (book); Naomi Hunter, Australia, A Secret Safe to Tell, (Children's Book) on their new publications.
Silvie Jensen, CA, on her cross country move.
Denise and Patricia Adams-Wright, NS, Canada, on their marriage.
Asari Beale, NY; Gabrielle Engh, NY; Susan Glusica, NY; Monique Lang, NY; and Carol Sun, NY; on their new jobs.
Lorraine O'Grady, NY, on her Creative Capital 2015 Award.
Susan Leonard, NY, on receiving the Sara Frazer Ellis Award In honor of her commitment to education, philanthropy, community service, and leadership.
Cynthia Carr, NY; Annie Lanzillotto. NY; and Patricia Smith, NY; on their New York Foundation for the Arts grants.
Please send your good news, achievements, accomplishments, successes and celebrations so that our international circle of sovereign sisters can send you blessings and accolades.
And we are glad to so. It is a joy and a privilege to share in the fortune of another woman. I recently heard Oprah say the saddest thing ever - "The hardest thing about being successful is having someone to be glad for you."
It takes a centered and confident Queen to break that pattern. There are 60 million thrones out there. One for each of us. There is plenty of purpose, passion and power for us all. May we use it well!
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Please Offer Your Purest Thoughts, Your Heart-Felt Prayers, Your Great Good Feelings, And Your Very Best Blessings For Healing and Peace of Mind To:
Adrianne, NY; Alison, TN; Amy, NY; Babs, NY; Barbara, NJ; Bebee, DE; Berenice, NY; Bettye, NY Betty, AL; Chrissie, NY; Christine, NY; Dana, CA; Darla, NY; Diane, NY; Dolly, NY; Dominique, NM; Donna, NY; Gail, WA; Jo, AZ; Joan, ME; Joan, NY; Judi, FL; Judith, NY; Karen, NJ; Kathleen, PA; Kaylin, MD; Kazuko, NY; Kim, NY; Kimi, NJ; Laura, NY; Linda, FL; Linda, SC; Lisa, NJ; Lorie, KY; Lydia, CO; Lisa, PA; Lucia, TX; Mari, VA; Marna, NY; Mary, MD; Mary, NY; Mary, OH; Mary, CO; Nancy, NY; Nancy, NC; Nona, LA; Pat, MA; Patsy, NY; Paula, NT; Pearl, NY; Rebecca, NY; Reynolds, NY; Roberta, NY; Sandy, CA; Serpentessa, NY; Sharon, NY; Shelley, NY; Sheriden, MA; Shirley, IN; Sherli, CA; Sid, PA; Smriti, CA; Sue, CA; Susan, MA; Susan, NC; Terese, NY; Terri, FL; Urvashi, NY; Vicki, MN; Weslea, ME; and Yvette, NY; who are in the process of healing themselves from illness, accident, injury, or surgery.
Amy, NY; D. Barbara, NY; Beverly, NY; Carol, NY; Diana, FL; Eleni, NY; Gaetana, NY; Glenys, Australia; Joanne, NY; Kimberly, NY; Kimi, NJ; Kyia, MN; Linda, NY; Linda, NY; Maureen, NY; Meryl, NY; Dee, NY; Patricia, Australia; Regi, CA; Sheryll, CA;Susan, NY; and Svetlana, NY; who would benefit greatly from some spiritual support.
Ali, VT; Andrea, NY; Annie, NY; Barbara, NY; Barbara, CA; Arol, NY; Chrys, NY; Deni, NY; Diane, NY; Erica, New Zealand; Erica, CT; Gaetana, NY; Gail, NY; Hemetra, PA; Janet, CT; Kat, NY; Kate, NY; Kathrine, Denmark; Laurie, OH; Lois, NY; Marla, NY; Mary, CO; Marya, NY; Meryl, NY; Nancy, NC; and Roslyn, NJ; the caregivers who are in weary need of care themselves.
May Their Spirits Rest in Peace:
Shirley Petten, BC, Canada
Heartfelt Condolences:
Andrea Biggs, NY
Susan Hamovitch, NY
Paula Murgia, NY
Prayer requests:
Please add Andrew Rothkin and his roommates to the list of those needing healing. Their apartment burned down and his kitty was killed and he got some injuries while trying to stop the fire unsuccessfully. All of his stuff is gone and he is still in the hospital, though apparently not with major injuries. He is an actor, director, and writer friend who recently lost his job and insurance because of that. Also please add Quinn M. Bass, who died recently, and his partner Eddie Marrero who is in mourning. Thanks.
-Margi, NY
Please pray for the healing of my friend and mentor, Moriah, who is desperately ill. I appreciate your spiritual support.
- Eleni, MA
Please send your deepest blessings for Laurie, my best friend from Junior High School in Cleveland. She faces a dreaded disease and heroic surgery. Please also keep Tiffany in your prayers for her surgery. They are both marvelous Queens. Merci,
xxQMD

Please send your requests for physical and spiritual healing and positive energy so that the powerful women of The Queen's Court might send their prayers and blessings to you in your time of need.
The love of our neighbor in all its fullness simply means
being able to say, "What are you going through?"
- Simone Weil
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CALLING ALL QUEENS.
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