January 2015

Stay Constructive During Conflict, Part 2

 

In our last issue, we talked about how to stay constructive during conflict by using active responses, like reaching out, taking the other person's perspective, expressing your emotions, and working together to create solutions.

But what to do when you don't feel comfortable with the active constructive conflict responses? Maybe you're more the quiet type. Maybe you're an extrovert, but you tend to withdraw when someone pushes your buttons. Let's acknowledge it: Some people need more time and space to think through and process conflict than others. If this sounds like you, try the passive constructive approaches. There's no need to take on every conflict head on!
 

Deep thinking and soul searching concept with a person diving into a swimming pool shaped as a human face as a symbol of self examination and mental health issues related to inner feelings and emotions.


Passive constructive responses include reflective thinking, delaying responding, and adapting. Here are some tips for each of these types of responses:

 

Reflective Thinking

  • Analyze the situation.
  • Notice your own reactions and the reactions of others.
  • Be aware of the impact of the conflict on yourself and all other parties involved.
  • Avoid hasty and unplanned responses.
  • Think about the best response before proceeding.

How does Shawn recommend incorporating reflective thinking into your response?

 

Ask the other parties for a half-hour break while you think things through.

 

Break down the conflict into smaller and more manageable pieces.

 

Delaying Responding

  • Wait things out to let matters settle down.
  • Take a time out when emotions are running high.
  • Cool down to regain emotional balance.
  • Slow down-with your speech and movements-or walk away.
  • Be accountable and committed to come back and engage with the conflict.

How does Shawn recommend incorporating delaying responding into your response?

 

Say, "I'm feeling triggered and need a few minutes to regain my composure."

 

Say, "Let's slow things down a bit. I'd like to walk through all of those facts again."

 

Adapting

  • Be flexible and try to make the best of the situation.
  • Keep an optimistic mindset.
  • View conflict as an inevitable part of the workplace (and life in general).
  • Be willing to entertain a wide variety of alternatives for resolution.
  • Become aware of changes or opportunities that signal the potential for problem-solving.

How does Shawn recommend incorporating adapting behaviors into your response?

 

Think thoughts that lead you toward adapting and accepting, like:

"I will be positive and expect things to turn out well."

"I am willing to compromise."

 

As a business leader, whether you prefer an active or passive conflict style, you must respect the diversity of your team. Some people may prefer different strategies for dealing with conflict than you do.

 

The important thing is for everyone in your practice to take responsibility for dealing with conflict, rather than avoiding it. You want a culture where people are willing to bring conflict out into the open and move forward. Otherwise, conflict destroys trust and relationships.

 

So, keep holding people accountable for dealing with conflict and teach your team about passive constructive responses as well as the active constructive ones we discussed in the December 2014 issue of this newsletter. Encourage people to use the strategies that work best for them.  

 

Remember, conflict competence is a choice, and you DO have the power to change! 

 

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Excerpted from the content Shawn teaches in his workshop, "Commando Conversations: Becoming Conflict Competent." The next event is scheduled in Austin for February 26 through March 1. Register now! For more information about this and other training that Shawn can provide to your team virtually or onsite, call Cindy Oliphant at 888-759-7191 or email her. 

What Would Shawn Do?

 

Planning Ahead for a Difficult Conversation

 

Dear Shawn,

 

Q:

I just can't seem to get along with one of my co-workers. We've had several disagreements over the past year. Now she just complains to the boss instead of trying to work things out. What can I do to resolve this uncomfortable relationship?

 

A:

This is a great time to work on your communication skills! 

 

Take this three-step approach:

 

1.       Think about your past disagreements.

 

What was the cause? How did you contribute to the conflict? What factors contributed to the confrontation? What did you say that seemed to get a positive response? What did you say that seemed to make things worse?

 

2.       Plan your conversation.

 

Think about an appropriate time and place. Find an opening that will help your co-worker feel like you are willing to listen to their side of the issue. Be ready to admit your part in the problem. Be open to hearing what your co-worker is saying, even repeating their thoughts back to them to be sure you understand.

 

3.       Visualize your conversation.

 

Practice what you'll say and how your co-worker might respond. What do you think will be a positive outcome? If you can't make any headway, what will you do next?

 

Thinking through all of your past arguments, what caused them, what you contributed, what you could do better, and visualizing what will happen when you confront your co-worker can only help you be more aware and less reactive.

 

Good luck!

 

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If you have a question you'd like Shawn to answer in a future issue of our newsletter, please reply to this email or submit the question via our website on our contact form. (We will maintain your anonymity.) Thank you! 

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JANUARY

January 30-31, 2015

Veterinary Specialty Ctr

Chicago, IL

Consulting Engagement

 

FEBRUARY


February 4-7, 2015

Veterinary Specialists in Private Practice (VSIPP)

2015 Conference

Savannah, Georgia

Public Speaking Engagement

 

February 18, 2015

Western Veterinary

Conference
Las Vegas, Nevada
Public Speaking Engagement
Register here!

February 26-March 1, 2015
Commando Conversations: Becoming Conflict Competent
McVey Management Solutions

Austin, Texas
Read more here, or register here

 

MARCH


March 8, 2015

Associate Veterinary Clinics

Calgary, CA

Private Speaking Engagement

 

March 12-13, 2015

Rocky Mountain Veterinary Specialists

Boulder, CO

Consulting Engagement

 

March 27, 2015

Stream Valley Veterinary Hospital

Ashburn, VA

Consulting Engagement

 

APRIL


April 22, 2015
 

Metropolitan Emergency

Animal Clinic

Rockville, MD

Consulting Engagement

 

April 23, 2015

CVC Washington

Nationall Harbor, MD

Public Speaking Engagement

Register here!

 

April 26, 2015

Associate Veterinary Clinics

Vancouver 

Private Speaking Engagement

 

MAY 

 

May 2-3, 2015

Zoetis Conference

Dallas, TX

Private Speaking Engagement

 

Contact Us
Shawn McVey, MA, MSW
Chief Executive Officer

Based in Austin, Texas

Phone: 888-759-7191

Fax: 888-759-7193

 
For information and scheduling, please contact Cindy Oliphant at 888-759-7191, or email her.
 

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