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Sharing Space with Super Egomaniac Mac
Though the name might sound like that of a superhero, Super Egomaniac Mac doesn't wear a cape. He does, however, seem to defy the laws of nature by insisting that he is the center of the universe, and that all else revolves around him. He wears the letter "I" proudly on his chest and wields the pronouns "mine" and "me" dangerously, wreaking havoc everywhere he goes.
This kind of behavior can tempt even those of us without super-human strength to take a flying leap out of the nearest window. Alas, Egomaniac Mac is no superhero out to save the world one kindness at a time; he is a selfish and egotistical coworker with an inflated sense of self-worth.
Big Egos Cause Big Headaches
We have all tried to communicate with that self-absorbed person who wants to hear only what he or she has to say. Your part of the conversation usually goes something like this: "But, I..." "Well, I..." "Let's..." Until you are interrupted, and Mac starts talking again, about himself, of course. It can be highly challenging to accomplish anything with someone who never wants to give, listen, or share, but always wants to take, talk, and control.
We've all been to the team meeting where Egomaniac Mac is quick to point out every flaw of every individual, and even quicker to mention his plethora of accomplishments. Meanwhile, you're thinking, "It would be nice if he could accomplish throwing his trash away and helping with clean-up once in a while."
Team members and bosses with big egos tend to look down on others. They have a sense of entitlement, and they believe that they are faultless. They arrogantly refuse to listen to others or take suggestions, because their way is always the best. They believe they have all of the answers.
Tip: If your talents are not being used, you have either not spoken up or have not demonstrated your skills.
These folks honor commitments only if it benefits them. Relationships are tumultuous, the growth of the practice is stunted, and turnover is high as a result of this selfish, uncaring, and narrow-minded way of thinking. Ultimately, the clients suffer.
Egomaniac Mac isn't the only one that can have an out-of-this world ego. Darling Donna is quite lacking in charm, with all of her narcissistic ways. From afar, she seems driven and successful. She knows how to sparkle and shine just enough to manipulate you into getting exactly what she wants.
Tip: Recognize the game that prima donnas play and realize that you are being manipulated. You have to reinforce the rules and stick to them.
But watch out! Our little darling tends to be temperamental and moody, and she has a very short fuse. She also has a tendency to act like you're her best friend the minute she needs your help to restrain little Fido during a dental exam. Rest assured, she won't remember your name (yet alone risk damaging her manicure) the next time a shar pei throws a hissy fit in the exam room. Her mission is to look good, and the mission of the team will forever be a distant second priority for her.
How to Work Successfully with Egomaniacs
How do you keep your sanity, establish guidelines, and get results when dealing with self-absorbed and egotistical co-workers?
- If you talk to them about themselves, they will listen for hours! Use this to your advantage. If you have to work with them, you might as well figure out how to get things done. Make sure you recognize their good work (without being disingenuous or lying). They love the praise, and it can make working with them easier while possibly engendering some reciprocity.
- When making suggestions, remember that something only has value if it relates to their interests. Do your homework and tailor your conversations accordingly. This will allow you to be a far more effective persuader.
- Egoists are often grand-standers and have a grossly overestimated sense of their worth to the organization. Their "all-knowing" attitude can convince you to start thinking they must be right when they're not. Do not let their charisma and confidence trick you into thinking that they have an above average idea. Trust your gut.
- To maintain control, call their bluffs. In doing so, you will ultimately be able to help them become part of the team while encouraging them to act responsibly.
- A self-centered individual can be a space invader and suck your time away. It may be hard for them to hear limits, but you need to be firm.
Deflate Mac's and Diane's egos! You CAN create an environment where the team as a whole accomplishes much more than when you let these egotistical people rule. Now that is the feat of a superhero!
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For more information about training on this and other topics that Shawn McVey can provide to your team virtually or onsite, call Cindy Oliphant at 888-759-7191, or email her.
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Free Emotional Intelligence Resources!
We've told you all about Shawn McVey's exciting new workshop, "What's Your EQ? Developing Your Emotional Intelligence" in Austin, Texas this November 13-16, 2014. It's designed to give you a fresh perspective on leadership challenges. In this highly interactive class, you'll learn how to increase your value to the practice as a leader and improve your connections to team members who look to you for direction.
To give you a taste of what you'll learn in the program, we'd like to give three free resources:
- An explanation of the four basic emotional intelligence skills sets
- The 19 competencies that make up self-awareness, self-management, relationship awareness, and relationship management
- And a list of questions that will help you develop your personal vision for how you can best contribute to the practice and leverage that vision into an inspiring message for your team.
We'll delve into all of this content, and more, in detail in this groundbreaking program!
Read more about the program, the venue, and the curriculum on our website, or register here. We're less than two months away from the event, so register to save your seat today!
We thank Live Oak Bank, our generous sponsor, for their contribution to this event. 
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Confronting a Disrespectful Associate Doctor
Dear Shawn,
Q:
Help! I need some advice. Our entire staff is extremely intimidated by the associate veterinarian at our practice. Several members truly need to have a difficult conversation with her to explain the way she makes them feel. We tried to do this recently, and it didn't go well.
I arranged for the two staff members and the associate doctor to meet after one particularly bad incident that they complained to me about. They requested that I stay to mediate because the technician had tried to have a conversation with the doctor before, but the doctor always made it out to be the employee's problem.
I started the conversation by saying, "Doc, these ladies have a concern about how they were treated and would like to talk to you about it." Everyone was fine with talking. The employees gave specific examples of "When you do this, it makes me/us feel like this." The doctor reflected and said, "You need me to be more respectful with how I ask for things."
The doctor said she had specifically asked the technician, in confidence, if she had any issues or concerns with her directly, and the technician had told her no. The employee stated that conflict is really hard for her and that she didn't have the confidence to do it. But she had participated in this meeting, and that was a start. I wrapped up the meeting by stating that I know the doctor deeply respects the staff and that we all appreciate one another. I thought everything went very well.
The doctor told me later that day that she felt that I did not handle the meeting well at all. The doc could not get past the feeling that she had been lied to and feels that her behavior should not be questioned because she is a top producer. The next day, the owner-doctor informed me that I am not to say anything else to that doctor because he needs her to stay.
But my actions were exactly what he said he wanted--the direction he wants me to take the practice. I am using the conflict-management skills that we learned from you. What should I do?
A:
I am sorry you had such a frustrating experience! Pull the owner-doctor aside and say that you are just following the guidelines he gave you and using the conflict-management skills the two of you learned together, and that you did not handle it incorrectly.
Give him your opinion that the associate veterinarian is not handling the conflict well and that if he chooses to placate her rather than insisting that she participate that you cannot be responsible for the fallout. Tell him that the result of him not paying attention to the core values of the hospital is that it demoralizes you. Assure him that you can work through this, but that he needs to let you do just that.
Good luck!
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If you have a question you'd like Shawn to answer in a future issue of our newsletter, please reply to this email or submit the question via our website on our contact form. (We will maintain your anonymity.) Thank you!
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Shawn's Gigs
Here are Shawn's upcoming speaking and consulting engagements. For more information or to schedule services, call Cindy Oliphant at 888-759-7191, or email her .
SEPTEMBER
September 19-21, 2014
New England Veterinary Medical Association
Portland, Maine
Public Speaking Engagement
September 28, 2014
Associate Veterinary Clinics
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Private Speaking Engagement
OCTOBER
October 3, 2014
Veterinary Leadership Group
Fall Meeting
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Private Speaking Engagement
October 8, 2014
Chicagoland Veterinary Managers Group
Chicago, Illinois
Public Speaking Engagement
October 24-26, 2014
Pathway Planning: The Road Map to Success
Austin, Texas
Private Speaking Engagement
(for Veterinary Growth Partners members only)
NOVEMBER
November 2, 2014
Associate Veterinary Clinics
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Private Speaking Engagement
November 4-5, 2014
Aquia-Garrisonville Animal Hospital
Stafford, Virginia
Consulting Engagement
November 7, 2014
Illinois State Veterinary Medical Association
Lombard, Illinois
More information here, or register here.
November 13-16, 2014
What's Your EQ? Developing Your Emotional Intelligence
A McVey Management Solutions Leadership Retreat
Austin, Texas
More information here, or register here.
DECEMBER
AVETS
December 9-11, 2014
Monroeville, PA
Consulting Engagement
JANUARY
January 14, 2015
Metropolitan Emergency
Animal Clinic
Rockville, MD
Consulting Engagement
FEBRUARY
February 4-7, 2015
Veterinary Specialists in Private Practice (VSIPP)
2015 Conference
Savannah, Georgia
Public Speaking Engagement
February 18, 2015
Western Veterinary
Conference
Las Vegas, Nevada
Public Speaking Engagement
Register here!
February 26-March 1, 2015
Commando Conversations: Becoming Conflict Competent
A McVey Management Solutions Leadership Retreat
Austin, Texas
Read more here, or register here! Early-bird deadline is December 31, 2014.
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Contact Us
Shawn McVey, MA, MSW
Chief Executive Officer
Based in Austin, Texas
Phone: 888-759-7191
Fax: 888-759-7193
For information and scheduling, please contact Cindy Oliphant at 888-759-7191, or email her .
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