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The First Steps in Becoming
Conflict Competent
When it comes to conflict, are you more than eager to put on a pair of bright red boxing gloves and hop into the ring for a few rounds? Or, do you run so fast you leave a trail of dust behind you? Conflict brings out the fight-or-flight response in all of us. By learning and practicing new skills, you can make it less painful and scary. You can even make conflict productive!
Is There Such a Thing as Positive Conflict?
Conflict is any situation in which people have apparently incompatible interests, goals, principles, or feelings. It is triggered by:
- A precipitating event, where someone says or does something that causes you to believe that his/her interests, goals, principles, or feelings are incompatible with or threatening yours, and
- Hot buttons, which are situations or behaviors in others that tend to frustrate or irritate you enough to cause you to overreact.
From that description, it might seem as if conflict could never be positive. But in fact, there are two types of conflict--cognitive and affective--and cognitive conflict is constructive, or positive.It's focused on tasks and problem-solving.
With this type of conflict, arguments can be spirited, but the overall emotional tone remains neutral and can even be positive. Cognitive conflict leads to creativity, energy, higher productivity, and stronger relationships.
Affective conflict is destructive. It's centered on winning at all costs. It involves blaming, retaliation, avoidance, and anger. It can lead to poor morale and bad decision-making, and it can destroy relationships.
Is It Possible to Become Conflict Competent?
Yes! By combining changes in thoughts, emotions, and behavior, you can indeed get comfortable with conflict and deal with it like a pro. You can learn to enhance productive outcomes of conflict while reducing the likelihood of escalation or harm. Here are a few ways to kick-start that process:
Understand that conflict is inevitable.It can lead to positive or negative results, depending on how you handle the situation. You don't always have to be victimized by a conflict--you have a choice in how you approach it and react to it.
See the positives. Positive outcomes result from focusing on tasks and problem-solving rather than winning the fight.
Increase your cognitive skills. Develop self-awareness in regards to your attitudes and responses to conflict. Ask yourself these types of questions:
- How do I feel about opinions and views that are different than my own? Do I welcome or shun them?
- Do I view differences as opportunities for personal growth?
- When a challenging discussion arises, am I excited about the possibility of new and innovative ideas, negotiation, and a better understanding of the other person involved?
- Do I avoid confrontation like I avoid the plague, or my ex?
- Does the mere thought of a disagreement leave my stomach in knots?
- Do I get angry and defensive when conflict arises?
- Do I have destructive thoughts in response to conflict, such as the desire to slip a laxative into my co-worker's hot mug of coffee?
Increase your emotional skills. After some heartfelt answers to the aforementioned questions, you can begin to increase your ability to regulate your negative responses to conflict. This will help you maintain emotional balance during a disagreement.
Don't forget, you are not the only person involved. Strive to understand and sympathize with the emotions of others, just as you want them to understand yours.
Slow down when you are in a heated discussion. Take a moment to cool down when needed. If the situation is getting too intense, take a "time out" to apply additional cooling-down techniques. This will help to prevent hurt feelings and frustration.
Increase your behavioral skills. There are many behavioral changes you can make to become more conflict competent, but one of the most important is to become an active listener. Stop to acknowledge the perspectives, emotions, and needs of the person you are in conflict with. Show him or her that you have taken in what he or she has said rather than immediately moving on to sharing your own thoughts. Once you have acknowledged the other person, share your own thoughts, feelings, and interests.
Your conflict competence will result in stronger relationships with your boss, co-workers, and employees-not to mention the fact that you'll come up with creative solutions to problems more quickly than ever before.
We'll give you even more examples and concrete techniques for building your conflict competence in future issues of this newsletter. If you're interested in doing some hands-on skill-building, check out our upcoming four-day retreat, Commando Conversations: Becoming Conflict Competent. Early-bird registration ends November 15, 2013!
"Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict--alternatives to passive or aggressive responses, alternatives to violence." - Dorothy Thompson
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 Conquer Conflict at Work! What it is: Commando Conversations is a four-day workshop that teaches you how to deal with conflict effectively Who it's for: Anyone who is ready to release fear of conflict and deal with it like a pro
When and where:
February 20-23, 2014 in Austin, Texas How to register: Online by November 15, 2013 to take advantage of early bird pricing ($200 off regular registration rate) What it's all about: Terrified of talking about a topic that might result in anger or hurt feelings? Frustrated by the seemingly constant conflict that you deal with as a leader in your practice? Join us for our Commando Conversations: Building Your Conflict Competence seminar in Austin, Texas, from February 20 to 23, 2014. Highlights of what you'll learn in this four-day program include: - Why dealing with conflict productively makes good business sense
- How to create productive outcomes of conflict while reducing the likelihood of escalation or harm
- How conflict competence can transform you into a sensational leader
- Techniques for building skills in self-awareness, observing others' behavior to prevent escalation of conflict
- How to create a culture of conflict competence for your entire team
We invite you to be a part of this special four-day experience, where you'll explore your ability to effectively and productively deal with conflict in a safe and educational environment. You'll take a comprehensive conflict-competence assessment, build new skills, and walk away with a personalized development plan. After attending this program, you will no longer be afraid of conflict! Read more about it or register by November 15 for early bird pricing--$200 off the regular registration fee! |
In this regular column, we give you a brief, engaging explanation of how Shawn would solve a management or communication problem common in veterinary practices. You've asked for more of Shawn's words of wisdom, and here they are!
Dear Shawn,
Q:
What is the standard employee retention rate for a small-animal practice in the inner city? I think my 24- to 36-month retention rate is 63%, and I am a little disappointed with that.
A:
In North America, the average turnover rate for a small animal hospital is about 25% to 30% for front-desk support, which is equivalent to a 12-month 70% to 75% retention rate. For non-licensed or accredited technicians, three years seems to be the magic number. This means one-third of the staff will turn over every year, which is equivalent to an annual 33% turnover rate or a 67% retention rate.
If your 24-month retention rate is 63%, that equates to a 12-month retention rate of about 32%, or half the average. You may be having a harder time because your practice is in an affluent area, where it is likely that your employee base is upwardly mobile and not attracted to traditionally low-paying jobs.
A wise boss once told me that if you pay people well and treat them poorly, or pay them poorly and treat them well, you stand a chance of retaining them. Veterinary medicine pays poorly, so we must treat them better than other employers. Offer education and quality-of-life incentives that employees can't get anywhere else. Most of all, communicate with them
your team regularly and and keep them involved.
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Shawn's Gigs
Here are Shawn's upcoming speaking and consulting engagements through January. For Shawn's availability, check his public calendar. For more information or to schedule services, call Erin Hart at 888-759-7191 or email.
DECEMBER
December 10-11, 2013
AVETS
Monroeville, Pennsylvania
Consulting engagement
JANUARY
January 14, 2014 Arizona Humane Society Phoenix, Arizona Speaking engagement January 21-22, 2014 San Anselmo Veterinary Hospital San Anselmo, California Consulting engagement
January 29 - February 1, 2014
Veterinary Specialists in
Private Practice
VSIPP Conference Austin, Texas Speaking Engagement
FEBRUARY
February 4-6, 2014
Aquia-Garrisonville
Animal Hospital
Stafford, Virginia
Consulting engagement
February 9, 2014
Vermont Veterinary
Medical Association
Burlington, Vermont
Speaking Engagement
February 20-23, 2014 McVey Management Solutions Commando Conversations: Becoming Conflict Competent Austin, Texas Four-day Workshop |
Register Now If You're Ready to Conquer Conflict!
Learn how to master conflict at Commando Conversations: Becoming Conflict Competent,
February 20-23, 2013, in Austin, Texas.
Read all the details in the article in this newsletter, or get more information here. Early bird pricing expires November 15, 2013, and you can register here.
Register here!
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Contact Us
Shawn McVey, MA, MSW
Chief Executive Officer
Based in Austin, Texas
Phone: 888-759-7191
Fax: 888-759-7193
For information and scheduling, please contact Erin Hart at 888-759-7191
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