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PLEASE NOTE. SECOND POST IN ONE DAY!
Yesterday while I was writing about the hardships of having one functional hand, I noticed a slight twinge on the side of my left foot. I did not think about it as in my advancing years and physical attributes, twinges are as common as acne in a puberterial teen. (Yes Dana I made that word up. Feel free to use it.)
Now I was aware of the fact I have a pre-existng condition that might have some bearing on a "twinge" on the side of my left foot. I hear the crowd yell "Obesity". No, though a good guess.
I have had gout on about 6 occasions in my life.
Gout was know as "the king of diseases and the disease of kings". It was thought that the disorder, caused by a build up of uric acid crystals in the blood settling in capillaries near joints and tendons, was directly attributed to the consumption of rich foods, alcohol, and a lack of physical stimulation (Not counting sex as Kings did well in that endeavor, or so history books would have us think.).
THOUGH A 1799 CARICATURE OF A GOUT STING, I HAVE ACTUALLY SEEN THAT WICKED BEAST ATTACK MY TOE.
While I am more liken to a jester than a king, this descriptive of someone prone to the disorder does fit the profile.
More recently, say the last 20 years, gout is primarily attributed to three interrelated causes. That would be diet, genetics, and STRESS.
Of the five or six stingers I have had in my life, all were directly attributed to very stressful situations. That is not to say I am not genetically predisposed to gout, as my father suffered from the ailment and it was those gout attacks that I learned the dynamic adaptability, in nearly every sentence how to use the Fword. As far as diet being a contributing factor. You all now my body is a temple, well maybe a Costco, which is like an epicurean temple.
Anyway as the day went on the twinge slowly had the ear marks of a gout attack. Having had them before I knew what to expect. For those who have not had the pleasure, let me explain.
Since most of the capillary networks are in close relation to nerve endings, as the uric acid crystals stack, they apply pressure causing pain. This pain can be and usually is extreme. On that stupid totally subjective pain threshold scale of 1-10, normal stingers are a 7-10.
Personal experience has landed me with a couple of 11s and 12s. Those episodes had me exploring some interesting remedies to my situation. One night found me in the kitchen deciding which knife to use to cut off my toes. On another occasion, I was admiring the advances in prosthetics and how it would be better to have one foot and no pain versus both feet with a gout stinger.
While those alternatives seem drastic at the moment, I assure you they were real alternatives at the time.
Last nights pain reached a 7-8 and I still chose to address the issue with Advil alone, as my lovely wife was thinking there might be something else at play. After searching the all-knowledgeable and entirely accurate Internet she was suggesting other possibilities for my pain source.
These included but were not limited to DVT aka Deep Vain Thrombosis aka a blood clot, drug induced arthritis, systemic lupus complications, septic arthritis, ovarian cysts, or anal arterio-venous thrombosis. Today I researched most of these, and realized I must have been in more pain than I realized as I am pretty confident I do not have ovaries and no hemorrhoids that reach down to my feet. Perhaps I misunderstood what Devin was telling me in the throes of my pain.
Despite the agony, I arose this morning and consumed one of my gout life savers aka Indomethacin, a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory. You take this in the hopes of reducing the swelling in the capillaries making the pain go away with removing your limbs.
I drove to "the club" whilst waiting for the pill to do its thing. I arrived a bit early as the gangs tee time was not till later and it is still raining in So Cal. I was able to read Barron's and The WSJ cover to cover and a few pages from IBD. (More later or in a subsequent blog) Tim T was he first to arrive. We got caught up and then Mike A. arrived and we all got up to speed on each others life.
Well mostly my life as I have a preponderance of keeping the conversation on point, my point. I enjoy talking about me and sharing my perspective on ideas and issues, as that heresy is not allowed in close proximity to my home. As we have mentioned before I am at heart, a selfish, insecure, narcissistic, megalomaniac, with a great voice and extra-ordinary writing skills.
I realized I had been sitting alone reading for about 90 minutes before Tim's arrival. By the time I ate most of my omelet, (Which begs the question, if spellcheck knows you do not know how to spell omellete and offers only one alternative, for crying out loud, change it, don't underline it in red as if to say, "Hey stupid, that is not how you spell Omelete." But I digress.) and enjoyed 13 cups of coffee (actually being served 26 cups as Nina our server never let's me finish one because it is too cold.), I realized I had gone from home for nearly a week. As quickly as I could, I ordered two diet cokes to go, and headed home.
We are enjoying the company of one of our readers, Linda B, whose husband has abandoned her. Ok relax its only for the weekend. Her love of her life beau Dan will be returning from Utah on Sunday. Then we send her and her dog Lady back to where she came. Until then Linda gets to listen to Devin and I argue whether I have gout or ovarian cysts. My money is on gout.
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Since 12/31/2012
