|
Then I awoke and to my amazement was the most delicious meal I had ever tasted. It was Coq Au Vin, with wild long grain rice, broccoli spears roasted with fresh Garlic and a two ounce pour of 2007 Domaine du Vissoux / Pierre-Marie Chermette Fleurie Les Garants. The End.
Perhaps I should go back 84 hours or so in time.
It was Thursday January 3rd in the year of our Lord 2013. I was just laying around in my surgical suite with an anesthesiologist, my Doctor V., and about six of their friends all wearing masks and goggles.
I was probing Dr. V. as to his choice of medical equipment and implants. He highly recommended Stryker, for their customer service and advanced design. The drug doctor was struggling finding a vein on the back of my left hand.
He was reminded by yours truly that I was not allowed to have anything to drink after midnight. My dehydration caused my veins to shrink and float. He was basically doing the equivalent of pin the tail on an earthworm.
As I explained how I have my fluids checked every 90 days or so and expounding on my vast experience with blood draws, the room went suddenly dark and quiet.
I awoke to the smiling face of some twenty something brunette nurse. I immediately wondered if this was one of the 70 virgins or wives promised to me in my Koran. Wait, I don't read the Koran? She asked how I was feeling and looked at the huge bandage on my right hand.
They operated on the correct hand. Time to sleep some more. The brunette awoke me again and said it was time to get dressed. I put on my shirt with her help, and I put on m warm up pants, with less help. I then suggested that she come home with Devin and I and help me dress all week.
It was the drugs talking I'm sure. The brunette had enough entertainment and wheeled me into the other waiting room where Devin greeted me with tears of joy rolling down her cheeks. She gently kissed me and whispered how much she missed me and was grateful I made it through the surgery. Great drugs, what can I say!
My lovely wife then debriefed me about the procedure. Here is a word of advice to future caregivers. Do not debrief a person about their procedure until all the anesthesia has warn off.
I am quite sure she said Dr. V was in there for 19 hours and had to chisel my bones apart with a jackhammer and repair it with rebar sheet metal, railroad spikes, and Flex Seal.
Now some folk get nauseous after having a general anesthesia. While Devin was telling me all the gruesome details of my operation, I just wanted a farm fresh turkey sandwich from Arby's. She carefully walked me in and said, "Sit".
This particular Arby's must have been on a boat in the middle of Salt Lake as it was gently swaying as we gathered our meal and brought it home. Jack met me at the door, and he and Devin took such good care of me.
After some of my sandwhich, it was time to see how the market closed and they walked me upstairs to bed. As soon as I laid down, I had a nasty headache, which I later found out that was normal and known as a narcotic hang over.
Now I was trying to sleep, while Devin was trying to pack the house for our trip back to California. She was also fielding hundreds of phone calls from concerned friends, families, and readers. Devin talks very loud on her cell phone. When she wasn't yelling in her phone to hundreds of well wishers, she was running in and out of the house slamming doors as hard as she could.
At about four o'clock, she came upstairs and asked if I had slept. I explained to her that with her screaming on the phone and slamming doors all after noon. How in the hell was I supposed to sleep?
As the pillow came towards my head and she held it in place with such force as to extinguish my last breath, I was able to remind her I was still under the effects of some bad mojo the anesthesiologist had put on me. She reluctantly eased off the pillow and let me live another day.
Dennis and Jerene came by later and I attempted to eat a bowl of soup with my left hand providing plenty of amusement for all in attendance. With help from all present, I was walked to a couch where I tried not to fall asleep.
Sleep was not an option, as I was now on pain killers. Pain killers don't really kill pain. They just fool your brain into thinking you have no pain. I know my and was in agony, but my brain would not tell me.
There were a lot of other things my brain would not tell me. My brain would not tell me to sleep. It would not tell me I was tired, either. So there I lay in bed, or sitting up waiting for a sleep that would not arrive.
Hydrocodone is a funny little semi-synthetic opioid. Its synthesis is based upon two very common opiates. Codeine and Thebaine. It comes in a multiude of commercial names like Anexsia, Biocodone, Damason-P, Dicodid, Duodin, Hycet, Hycodan (or, generically, Hydromet), Hycomine, Hydrococet, Hydrokon, Hydrovo, Kolikodol, Lorcet, Lortab, Mercodinone, Norco, Norgan, Novahistex, Orthoxycol, Panacet, Symtan, Synkonin, Vicodin, Xodol and Zydone. Hycodan was the original trade name.
Now my new BFF is Lortab 5-500 two doses every four hours. Devin was setting her alarm every four hours to help me take these little angels from a bottle. That seemed silly, so on night two I set my own alarm only to find they are in tamper proof pill jars. I could not open the jars without bending some of the rebar in my hand and popping a few of the railroad ties. So I had to wake her anyway.
I have weaned off from two Lortabs to one and a half. When I lowered the dosage I got back some of my bodily functions back. After driving for twelve hours in a truck with a brain that is not completely honest about your bodily functions, it was good to be home last night, feeling tired, actually sleeping for three hour stretches between Lortab fixes, and feeling somewhat rested.
Today my recuperation continues and I enjoyed some football and watched as Devin made one of the finest meals I have ever enjoyed. No kidding. While being nurse maid to me, unpacking from our trip, running to check on her horses, getting Jack a haircut, she made Coqau Vin from scratch.
Against Doctor's orders she even let me have two ounces of Gamay so I could enjoy this amazing meal.
I am blessed.
| 
Since 12/31/2012
