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Dave Is Back
Devin and I closed the day at Hanna's. Yeah you are amazed I am sure. I may have mentioned that chef extraordinaire and Jess, bartendress extraordinaire left for Hawaii for their nuptials. (Never liked that word. Always reminded me of victuals, something you ett. "Can I get some polk salad and more nuptials." But I digress.)
We walked in and found Beth sporting a nice tan and being happy. Ya see Dave has been gone for about 7 and half months. Ok it has been about a week, but in restaurant years that is 7 and half months.
He went tropo on us. He has long hair and beard and he has flip flops on and he was walking around with a Ukelili around his bare chest going table to table singing Brother Izzy songs. He told me that he is going back to Hawaii to discover the spirit of the Islands.
He said that since I am retired, he wanted to put me in charge of the Place. So I have spent the last couple of hours coming up with some changes from the restaurant.
First off we are getting rid of all the nice looking servers, male and female. I know that would include the entire crew, but these people are so good looking their distract from the wonderful presentations coming off the line. From now on, only ugly servers.
Then we need to address their attitude. The servers are nice to everyone. Well, Dave is looking for Tiny Bubbles, so there is a new sheriff in town. The ugly severs will no longer have to be nice to the customers. That's right.
If something comes out of the kitchen not to the customers liking, they will be told to suck it up and push threw it. Now that will require we get credit cards upon their reservation or when they arrive at the door. We will start with the tip first, because let's face it the servers now are being so nice to everyone how can they possible figure out who is a good tipper and who is not?
We will bill five hundred dollars before we even seat them, that way the servers have no reason to put pressure on the gang in the kitchen to get food out efficiently. All the employees will be much happier.
Let's talk about the food. Daily specials will no longer be served. All meals will be 15 minute specials. The cooks can cook what ever they like every fifteen minutes and that is what we will serve. Now you know I like my wines and Dave has got so many wines he has to give customers iPads to see what he has.
I have come up with a solution to that as well. My first week as GM, I and the ugly servers will pour all the wine Dave has in a big vat in the back and we will ladle each wine glass full of the special house blend. There will be no need for the iPads and no more of this 130.00 a bottle or 72 dollars a bottle, it will be 25.00 a ladle or 100.00 for the bottomless ladle.
Then we have the restrooms. Man, the toilets at Hanna's are always clean. Now that should be a good thing, but I have watched customers use his bathrooms 3,4, and sometimes 5 times an evening. Come on people, don't you have a loo at home? From now on we only clean the toilets once a week and never on a Friday night. Monday morning will be the cleaning time. By Friday, even Dave Ho won't want to go in there.
Now we have to something with the Davino Room. Since Dave will be wandering the White Sandy Beaches of Hawaii, we will change the name to the Slaughter Room. This is where we will actually harvest the fat of the land.
That is right, there are too many deer, rabbits, possum, and skunk in Coto De Caza and Dove Canyon. I and the ugly servers will capture these critters and prepared them for amazing epicurean preparation in the Slaughter Room. Dave has done a great job of hiding the room from the street, but no more.
People across the street at that "Stick It In A Waffle" place will have a front row seat to watch the harvest of mammals and marsupials. Customers will have the chance to tax home rabbit skins and deer antlers. Yes it will be a special place.
I can't wait to see all of you at the NEW Hanna's. Got your attention Dave? Now shake off that Island fever and get back to work!
I will finish my Barron's review and determine who big the bounce will be next week?
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Since 10/10/2012
