It's tempting to say that conflict is a good and necessary thing. To say, for example, that through congregational conflict we can:
- clarify our thoughts and values,
- increase our understanding of a situation and one another,
- deepen group cohesion as we change one another for the better,
- adapt our congregation to deal effectively with a evolving world,
- discover our own identity amidst the diversity we value.
It's especially tempting to say these things because they're true. But they are not the whole truth.
Another part of the "whole truth" is that some conflict is stupid. That is, it's destructive and unnecessary fighting that (at best) wastes our energy and (at worst) does great harm to our congregations and the individuals and programs we serve.
It would be neato if all congregational conflict were the Hegelian sort -- with Thesis and Antithesis clashing until joined in a higher Synthesis -- that enlightening truth we found by combining our many perspectives. And some conflict is like that.
But sometimes we're undone by doltish personal and interpersonal factors -- those very human moments when entitled egos, misplaced loyalties, and masked pathologies come together in fearful personality clashes and struggles for power or turf.
Other conflicts are born of our ineffective processes: too little communication between leaders and congregants at-large (it's almost never too much!), budget forums that pit committees against one another, congregational meetings that mistake democracy for consensus.
Still other conflicts result from inadequate structures: email lists that privilege freedom over responsibility, governance confusion about how to balance transparency with trust, buildings and grounds with escalating expenses that steadily erode resources for congregational purpose.
By distinguishing healthy from unhealthy conflict and examining all the factors that contribute to a given conflict, we have our best shot at shifting conflict from harmful to less harmful...or even to generative conflict. But all of that is easier said than done. Frankly, UU leaders -- myself included -- need all the help we can get when it comes to understanding "the work" of conflict.
As Director of Congregational Development for your District, I'd be interested to hear what you've found helpful as you've done the work of conflict. And I'm particularly excited to share with you the upcoming workshop by Eben Weitzman, PhD (Columbia University), entitled "Transforming Congregational Conflict: Essential Leadership Skills."
Dr. Weitzman is a social and organizational psychologist who focuses on organizational conflict, intra-group conflict, and cultural differences in attitudes toward conflict. In addition to serving as Program Director in Conflict Resolution of UMass Boston's McCormack Graduate School, Dr. Weitzman works with leaders of cause- and mission-driven organizations on reducing internal conflict and increasing effective collaboration within their organizations
The workshop will look at the many ways conflict can arise from structural, process, and interpersonal levels in religious organizations, and best practices for addressing conflict on all these levels. Whether you're anticipating, in the midst of, or looking in the rearview mirror at congregational conflict, you'll leave better equipped to make decisions and take actions that promote congregational health in bumpy times. You can register here.
Conflict will always be with us. Some of us will continue to consider our deceased ferrets immediate family members whose portraits belong on the All Souls altar; others of us, um, not so much. More to the point: we will find few if any perfect structures in our congregations, and even fewer ideal processes, and even fewer fully enlightened human beings. So there will be no final or perfect solutions that lay conflict-healthy or unhealthy -- to rest.
The best we might do is to recognize the innate messiness involved in human communities, take responsibility for our own piece of the mess, and set about the work of moving the group forward and through, best we can, with trust in our faith and our interdependence. May it be so for all of us.