 "No" is Not a Four-Letter Word
It's only two letters, but it turns out "no" is a relatively hard word for some parents to say.
"A recent survey by the Center for a New American Dream reports that when parents say no to a request, 60 percent of children keep nagging, on average, nine times after being told no. Ten percent of 12- and 13-year-olds even said that they nag their parents over 50 times. Even more troubling, 55 percent of the children surveyed said that their parents usually gave in," as reported in Psychology Today.
Being able to say "no" ten times may be what's required if you want to say it and mean it.
Think of it as modeling an important life skill for your kids. When you say "no," it gives them practice for hearing it later in life, such as from a partner or employer. As devastating as it can be to hear the word, it is better for a child to have the experience of disappointment at an early age rather than waiting until adulthood.
In addition, children need to learn how to say "no" as well, so they can resist peer pressure as they get older. It will help them say "no" to bullying, doing drugs, drinking alcohol and having sex too soon.
Ways to say "no"*
No.
No, and that is final.
No, absolutely not, no way.
NO! Do not ask me again.
I am the parent. Parents make these decisions.
I have thought about it and the answer is no.
We don't have the money for that right now.
You already have enough of those.
That is too old for you.
We need the money for something else.
I don't approve of it.
I'm not going to be changing my mind about this.
You know the rule and it hasn't changed.
It's your money, but I'm in charge.
You can be content with what you have.
It's okay to want something.
I need time to think. If I have to decide right now, the answer is no."
*How Much is Enough? by Jean Illsley Clarke, et al.
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Resolve to Help Our Children
Learn practical skills to help you parent
Reduce Parent-Child/Teen Struggles: Begins Monday, February 4
Practice mutual respect
Use encouragement to strengthen your bond
Communicate so both of you feel heard
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Wednesdays, March 6, 13, 20 & 27 - 6:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. (children)
Reduce Family Conflict due to Temperament Differences
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Learn strategies to manage your child's strong reactions
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Parenting through Separation or Divorce
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All classes require registration in advance. For additional information or to register, call 425.747.4937 or email.
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Keep positive!
Parent Coach
Youth Eastside Services
425.586.2309
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Ask The
Parent Coach
Q: My 12-year-old daughter takes forever to get ready for school. Our mornings are filled with rushing, panicking, yelling, and sometimes even crying. Several times she has been late for school. I have to get to my job right after I drop her off, and I can't be late for work anymore! Do you have any ideas on how our family can start the day more calmly and on time?
Ask Jennifer your question via email.
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Coping with Tragedy
In the past year we have been bombarded with stories about senseless violence. And while such tragedies may create worry for even the most hardy adult, the intensity and frequency can be especially confusing and frightening for children and teens.
Here are two resources to help your kids cope.
The Impact of Tragic Stories on Kids
Tips and Resources for Talking to Children about Awful Things
Let's Talk
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Would your co-workers welcome a parenting talk at lunchtime?
Youth Eastside Services is pleased to offer experts on topics of interest to parents, including:
Improving School
Success
Getting Out the Door On
Time
What is Positive
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