In his new book Wait: The Art and Science of Delay, Frank Partnoy emphasizes the benefit of waiting to make a decision or at least taking as much time as is possible to make a decision. Partnoy describes the great baseball hitters who wait until the last possible moment to swing at a baseball and the business managers who have financially benefitted from waiting to make a decision.

Many times, parents (including me) could benefit from taking more time before speaking to their children about an incident or undesirable behavior.

In my parenting classes, I contrast reacting vs. responding to the parenting issue at hand. In a reaction the emotional tone is high, and the course of action is unknown or uncertain. In a response the emotional tone is either low or calm, and the course of action is known. For example, when one calls 911 for an emergency, such as a possible heart attack, the paramedics arrive on the scene knowing what to expect because the 911 dispatcher has probably already radioed "a possible heart attack" while en route. These first responders have a calm emotional tone. Also, they have practiced and practiced their emergency responses so much that to the casual observer their actions look like reactions because they happen so swiftly.

Here is another difference: a reaction is coming from the emotion brain, and the response is coming from the thinking brain.

Our best parenting responses are found in our thinking brain. Next time when you are dealing with a parenting challenge, try waiting for your emotions to subside (maybe as long as 15 minutes) so you will be able to better respond to your child's needs or misdeeds. Planning and practicing your next parenting response to the challenges you expect or fear will help, too.