The game is in full swing and just as Teddy gets the ball a loud shouting comes from the sidelines, "Teddy...shoot the ball, wait pass it, no dribble it". Not knowing what to do the 8 year old tries to pass but instead dribbles the ball out of bounds. Completely frustrated the parent says, "c'mon Teddy...completely unacceptable, now hustle, get the ball back, and stop letting your team down."  Crazy? Unbelievable? Not really. In fact, go to most youth soccer games and this is exactly what you will hear. 

 Soccer games, in theory, should allow children the opportunity to implement what they have been taught at practice. They should be allowed to do this is an environment where players are encouraged to make their own choices based on the information given to them by coaches. Constant yelling and direction from the sidelines will create confusion, fear and ultimately lead to lack of growth and development. In addition it could directly conflict to what the coaches have been telling the child at practices.

 There's no question that the vast majority of parents mean well and want their children to be happy and successful. This is why many sacrifice time driving back and forth to practices, games and tournaments. They invest money to pay for club fees, team expenses, and other costs associated with the game. No doubt they want the best for their child but despite having positive intentions things are said before, during and after games that distract the child. It increases anxiety levels, hinders their level of impact in the game and ultimately leads to failure. So then how can we fix it?

The two biggest factors are over-emphasis on winning and concentration on results vs. development. Winning is an objective, in fact this is why the game is even held. However this should not be the main focus of the game, especially at the younger ages. How many times have you treated your child differently when they win vs. when they lose? When your child comes home, what is the first question you ask? Your child will most likely tell you that they won or lost but then what is your next question or statement? The right type of response will subconsciously tell your child what the objective should be. Does your response lead them to think that they succeeded or failed, regardless of the outcome? This then leads to the goals for your child. Are they playing to win championships or to improve basic skills and abilities so they can have positive experiences and continue to grow within the game. Regardless of what you think the wins and losses will have nothing to do with the level your child plays. Their natural ability and inner desire to improve, combined with proper teaching environments will be the anchor of their growth and development.

As parents we can fix the sideline coaching issue very easily. Do not do it! Should you be silent during games? No. In fact, your child needs to hear your voice. It tells them you care and are interested in their success. However those comments need to be geared towards their effort and be positive. Young athletes do not need to be reminded constantly about their perceived errors or mistakes.  Their coaches will instruct them, either during the game or at half-time and practices.  You can often see a young player make that extra effort when they hear encouraging words from the sideline.

 We all are tempted to say things in the heat of the battle to help the children but parent coaching is simply in-appropriate at any time. We don't excuse our children for doing inappropriate things, so we should apply similar standards to our own sideline behavior.  Quickly check yourself and ask:  Will I be proud of what I am about to say or do when I reflect on it tomorrow?   You want your child's team to win, so do they, but that should not make us leave of our senses, especially our common sense. 

NEXT MONTH:
So Many Choices: How Do I Select the Correct Program or Level for My Child?