Do you ever feel awkward during the lunch hour at work? By awkward I mean uncertain about what you will have for lunch, where you will eat and with whom? I realize that many of us brown bag our lunches and have no problem eating alone in the employee lunchroom but what about those times when others are going to lunch and you are not invited? This recently happened to someone I know and is the topic of today's newsletter.

Great reading,

"Never chase love, affection or attention. If it isn't given freely by another person, it isn't worth having."

Author Unknown

At this point you may be thinking, really? Aren't we all adults here that can find a way to occupy our time at the lunch hour? Years ago when I worked for a staffing company, one of the criteria for placing a new employee into a new job was making sure they had someone to eat lunch with them. This may seem like a minor issue but having lunch plans for our new hires could make all the difference in whether that person would stay with the job. Recently, I learned of a young man, Jeff, who was new to his job and found himself alone at the lunch hour.

Jeff was one year into his sales position at Company X and really liked his co-workers. One in particular, Ted, seemed to enjoy hanging out with Jeff as well. So, when Jeff suddenly found himself alone for lunch on several occasions while his co-workers went out together, he was perplexed. Another co-worker shared with Jeff that Ted had invited everyone to lunch but told Jeff a later time to meet than the rest of the group. This happened on several occasions and Jeff has found himself eating alone as a result.

What should Jeff do in this instance? Whenever I hear these types of dilemmas, I immediately want to recommend to Jeff that he take the "high" road by confronting Jeff about the situation; my other thought is to have Jeff ignore Ted and start his own lunch group. What would you do in this situation? Part of the answer lies in your preference of "fight" or "flight".

Here are my thoughts:

1. Since Ted was a good friend of Jeff's initially, I believe he should confront Ted and ask him if he is moving the lunch dates ahead an hour so he does not attend. If Ted is truthful about why he is doing this, Jeff may have something to learn and change about his behavior that is annoying others. However, most times when confronted or caught in childish behavior, we tend to deny any involvement so Jeff should have a plan B if and when Ted denies his childish behavior.

    

2. As a plan B, Jeff should build stronger one-on-one relationships with other male co-workers and focus on gaining one or two close connections at work. Once he has established a few closer relationships he may have these co-workers as potential lunch partners.

    

3. Look for lunch partners outside of work. By getting involved in his community, Jeff will meet others who are also looking for lunch partners.

    

4. Be okay with eating alone. The key is to get out of the office as often as you can to refresh your perspective on your work and break up the day.

    

Question for You:

Do you feel lonely at the lunch hour? Are you be ignored while others are planning lunch dates? Are you excluding others that are alone at the lunch hour?

Action for You:

If you are forgotten at the lunch hour, try creating one-on-one relationships at work that will eventually lead to possible lunch dates. If someone is purposefully ignoring you, reach out to this person and find out why you are being excluded or ask someone who may know why. You may be dominating conversations or other social mistakes, which may be easy to correct and could improve your work relationships. If you are purposefully leaving others out of lunch invites, you may want to rethink this strategy as someday you may be left out as well.

                              "Silence only has to be awkward if you let it."

                                                        Clay Andrews