"Strength shows, not only in the ability to persist, but the ability to start over."
F. Scott Fitzgerald
We have all been wronged by people in our life and beginning a new year may give us the opportunity to put past problems behind us and start over. What better time than now to open our hearts and begin talking with that person we have ignored, forgiving the person that irritated us last year and looking for the good in those we have written-off.
I know I sound a little "preachy" but holding anger inside yourself for someone else's actions only serves to make you ill while doing nothing to the person who has harmed you. Here are my three tips in "burying the hatchet" with those troublesome co-workers:
1) Realize it takes two to tango. In other words, what part of your struggle with someone else resides with you? Maybe none, but there was probably something you could have done slightly differently to change the outcome. I was angry that someone did not show up for one of my scheduled meetings and realized that I only gave this person a verbal notice and know that a written email invitation to the meeting may have changed the outcome.
2) Pretend you are meeting this person for the first time. Remember how you greet people you have never met? Why is it we give them the benefit of the doubt and embrace them warmly? I realize this may be a stretch but sometimes we need to "fake it until we make it". Try swallowing your pride by saying hello to your past problematic co-worker and asking them about their holidays.
3) Identify and focus on their strengths. Each of us has something that we excel at and often it shows clearly if we look for it. Remember what you focus on expands. If you only see what they did wrong to you, this aspect will continue to expand and you will see more of what is wrong with them.
4) Choose to forgive while not necessarily forgetting. Last year, a colleague agreed to lead a meeting and backed out at the last minute. While holding a grudge would be a normal reaction, this year I am opening my heart to him but not necessarily trusting him to follow through. I can embrace him as a co-worker and see his other strengths but be careful on believing he will follow through with leading future meetings.
Question for You:
Do you have a problematic co-worker? Someone you have chosen to ignore or limit your time with them? Do you find yourself holding grudges for extended periods of time?
Action for You:
There is never a better time to forgive someone and move on than the New Year. Holding grudges is time and energy consuming. In the end, it only hurts you by taking your time away from other projects while fuming about what has happened to you. By following the four steps above you will learn to open your heart to those that have hurt you and put energy towards building new relationships. What a great goal for the New Year!
"Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right"
Oprah Winfrey
