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Just Leave Me Alone
"There's zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas."
Susan Cain
Not long ago, I attended a high school basketball game with my husband and daughter. We were sitting in the bleachers with our team's fans around us and the score was very close. Suddenly, in the last few seconds our team broke away in a fast sprint down the floor for the winning layup. I was so excited that I turned around to a fellow fan and friend to give them a high five and he looked at me without an expression never attempting to meet my hand. With humiliation and anger I brought my hand down and promised myself not to interact with this rude person again. Has this ever happened to you when you believe someone should react a certain way to your gestures and they don't? One explanation may have to do with your tendency towards introversion and extroversion.
An introvert is someone who draws energy from inside of themselves. In other words, they do not necessarily need people or things outside of themselves to give them energy for life. Extroverts on the other hand draw energy from the people and things outside of themselves. It seems to me that many of communication missteps or misunderstandings occur because we act from our own preference towards others. If we are an extrovert we assume everyone wants to be greeted enthusiastically with an aggressive hug, handshake or both. If we are an introvert, we may assume that keeping your distance when first meeting someone is the best approach.
So, how can you tell if you lean more towards extroversion or introversion? Try answering the following questions from James C. McCroskey's introversion assessment:
http://www.jamescmccroskey.com/measures/introversion.htm
Another way to determine your tendencies is to check where you fall on a continuum of introvert to extrovert using the following:
Introvert ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Extrovert
Now that you have an idea of your energy leanings how can you adapt your style of greeting and communicating with someone who is opposite from you and how would you know if they are opposite of you? This week we will look at how to communicate more effectively with introverts:
According to Psychology Today, the following are nine possible signs you are an introvert:
- You enjoy having time to yourself.
- Your best thinking occurs when you're by yourself
- You lead best when others are self-starters.
- You're the last to raise your hand when someone asks for something from a group.
- Other people ask you your opinion.
- You often wear headphones when you're in a public situation.
- You prefer not to engage with people who seem angry or upset.
- You receive more calls, texts, and emails than you make, unless you have no choice.
- You don't initiate small talk with salespeople or others with whom you have casual contact.
And, eight possible signs you are an extrovert:
- You have numerous, broad interests
- You like to communicate by talking
- You enjoy being at the center of attention
- You tends to act first before thinking
- You enjoy group work
- You feel isolated by too much time spent alone
- You looks to others and outside sources for ideas and inspiration
- You likes to talk about thoughts and feelings
If you are an extrovert, try these tips to better communicate with an introvert:
- Allow the introvert time to process information by allowing for silence when you ask a question. In other words, don't expect or pressure them into responding quickly.
- When in a group you may need to call on them for their thoughts but don't draw attention to them by saying how quiet they are. Instead say, "Do you have anything to add?"
- Don't label them rude when they do not act in a way you would act as an extrovert.
- Many prefer written communication when trying to make decisions so they may review and have the time to formulate a response
- Make them feel welcome and don't assume they don't want to have fun. Energy is a precious commodity, especially for this style of interacting with the world so they carefully watch the ways they expend it.
Question for You:
Are you an extrovert who greets and communicates with everyone the way you want to communicate? Do you feel if someone greets you with less enthusiasm, they are rude? Do you want to know a different, more effective approach to greeting introverts?
Action for You:
Self-awareness is usually the best first step in changing a behavior to become more effective. Understand that being different from you is not wrong in the case of how you interact with the world. By keeping an open mind an following the tips listed above you will better interact with those that draw energy from inside of themselves.
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