Does your office tend to gossip about others? Does your office have a gossipmonger....you know, the person who always has the latest dirt on someone else? Worse yet, are you the gossipmonger? Gossiping reduces workplace productivity purely by the amount of time it takes away from work.

According to a 2002 survey by communications company Equisys, employees spend 65 hours annually gossiping at work. So how do you stop this destructive behavior if you find yourself addicted to it or how do you stop others from interrupting your work with idle gossip? Great question for this week's newsletter.

Great reading,

Diane

                                                        "In small towns, news travels at the speed of boredom."  

                                                                                                                  Carlos Ruiz Zafón

What does it mean to gossip? According to Oxford online dictionary gossip means casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.So, why do so many of us need to talk about other people's private affairs, often times when we hear about them second hand? The reasons are so numerous but I will start with ones I know personally:

• We want to feel superior so we bring others down by talking about them behind their backs

• We want to vent about someone that has done us wrong

• We want to be liked by the person(s) we are telling...knowledge is power

According to Psychologies.com December 2011 article, Why We Love to Gossip, there are several more reasons why we gossip:

• We create a strong bond with someone when we share our dislikes about someone versus our likes and we remember the dislikes longer

• We share what worries us

• We seek support and reassurance

• Indirectly it speaks well of our listener and ourselves

• There can be a thrill in doing something taboo

• Negative information can be judged as more revealing than positive information

• We are projecting ourselves onto others, i.e., we complain about someone being late when we are perpetually late

• According to anthropologist Robin Dunbar, in the development of our brains, gossip was vital and that language came about because of our need to share gossip and not the other way around

And there are even more reasons.... Alison Pouslens, PhD, who has a website, What I Really Meant, states several more reasons:

• Alleviates boredom

• Jealousy or envy

• We are unhappy or angry

• It is so hard to break and can become addictive

• We are mean spirited and have our own insecurities

• We are modelling what our parents showed us

Can gossiping ever be a good thing?

In some cases, gossiping can help us create a stronger bond with those we share secrets with because there is a feeling of reciprocity....if you share secrets with me, I will share secrets with you. Also, it may allow us to vent our frustration with others, and through reflection with others, we see our own weaknesses. Also, it can help you quickly learn the culture or norms of an organization. If someone gossips about how much time-off was taken by a co-worker, you quickly learn that long stretches of time off are not accepted even if offered.

How do we stop it or reduce it?

• Before you share damaging information about someone really stop and think about your intent. If you are trying to make yourself look superior while bringing someone else down....don't do it. If you are trying to understand a hurtful situation, keep your mind open to your role in that situation.

• Change the subject. If you have a friend that lives off gossiping about others, quickly change the subject to let them know indirectly that you don't want to spend time in gossip

• Wear a wristband/rubber band. If you wear a rubber wristband that supports a cause, snapping it when you think about gossiping may cause you to snap back to reality and not be drawn into the addictive behavior

• Ask the friend/co-worker that you are most drawn to gossip with to help you stop the behavior. Ask them to tell you to stop when you both begin and this may help them as well

• Develop more questions around the gossip statements. Wonder how the person you are gossiping about feels about the situation. Or, what can you personally learn from your anger or unhappiness towards the person you are gossiping about?

• Ask yourself how you would feel if someone was talking about you in this situation behind your back?

• If you supervise an employee that is the gossipmonger, you need to address how their behavior is impacting others and ask them to stop. Using the performance evaluation process will help this employee see the seriousness of their actions and give them an opportunity to change or find themselves working elsewhere

Question for You:

Do you find yourself spreading negative information about co-workers, often without first-hand knowledge? Do you have friends solely because of your ability to share secrets about others? Do you find yourself unable to stop this addictive behavior?

Answer for You:

Begin by trying to understand your intentions before you say something negative about another person. What is it about you that needs to spread this information? If it is to vent with someone to better understand your feelings, let the other person know your intent so they can help by offering helpful insights. Try the techniques listed above to get you on the road to self-integrity or rather living the way you want to live and not falling victim to elevating what is wrong with others so you may look superior.