"At the root of every tantrum and power struggle are unmet needs"
Marshall Rosenberg
Becky has always enjoyed her job as a purchasing agent for her company. She likes the people she works with and the challenge of negotiating purchasing contracts for her company. Lately, however, Becky leaves work with a strong headache and the feeling that she is not as productive each day in her job. Becky's stress level is at an all-time high because she is caught between two co-workers Tammy and Lisa and each distrusts the other.
For most of the day Becky is acting as a sounding board for these workers and they complain about what the other is doing or saying. Tammy feels that Lisa is incompetent in her job and Tammy doesn't miss an opportunity to show Becky when it happens. Lisa feels like Tammy is a busy body and has to put her nose in everyone's business. Lisa also feels the need to point out Tammy's flaws to Becky at every opportunity.
So, what should a person do who is caught in the middle of a workplace conflict? I recommend the following steps:
- Approach each person individually in a confidential location and share with them how the conflict is affecting you. Share how it impacts your health and productivity.
- Let them both know that you care about them and you want them to resolve the conflict because you can see how it is impacting their work as well.
- Suggest another person facilitate a conflict process with the both of them, i.e., someone in human resources, a boss or someone from your EAP, employee assistance plan, if your company as one.
- If they refuse to let up, let them know that you will walk away or switch subjects the next time this happens.
- If the conflict is between your boss and one of your co-workers, let them know individually how uncomfortable their comments about each other makes you feel. Let them know that you care about each of them and you would like to see them resolve the conflict as it must be affecting each of them as much as you. Encourage them to find a third person to help the work through the issues. Let them know that you would like to walk away or change the subject if it continues to happen as it is affecting your productivity.
- Understand that the way you approach this tough situation is as important as what you say. Find a way to calm yourself before speaking with them and start with letting them know that you care about each one of them.
Question for You:
Have you found yourself caught between two friends or co-workers in a conflict? Is this conflict taking a toll on your health and productivity?
Action for You:
Find a way to gain calmness and clarity on how the conflict is affecting you and connect with each party in the conflict in a private way. Start the conversation with what their relationship means to you and how it is affecting you. Offer ideas on how they may get help and let them know in a gentle but direct way what you will need to do to stay productive ,i.e., walk away, etc. Finally, if the conflict persists, you many need to find a way to transfer out of the department or company to regain the joy you had in your work.
"Tragedy, for me, is not a conflict between right and wrong, but between two different kinds of right."
Peter Shaffer
