"Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so people won't feel insecure around you."
Portion of reflection from
"Our deepest fear" by Marianne Williamson
Many of us in the workplace have difficulty sharing an idea or opinion with conviction. I realize that right now you may be experiencing the opposite of this and think there are too many in the workplace that are overly opinionated. This may be true but I find there are still plenty who do not feel comfortable voicing their opinion with any force. And, I find that women may have more difficulty with this than men. I do not have any scientific data to support this claim, only anecdotal evidence from twenty years of consulting. Somewhere in a young girl or boy's life they are taught that their opinion doesn't really matter or their opinions have been dismissed so many times that they are reluctant to share any future ideas with conviction. Or maybe they did assert themselves in the past and felt like they were being perceived as bossy or worse yet, a b----!
So, what are the four phrases that can diminish your credibility?
- Using the word "just" to describe your idea or point. "It is just a little too cold," or "I just thought I would share my idea in an email." Instead use, "It is too cold" or "I want to share my idea in an email."
- Starting an opinion with an apology when one is not warranted. "I am not sure this is right but I think we should reduce expenses in the finishing department." Instead use, "I think we should reduce expenses in the finishing department."
- Making a statement sound like a question. "You don't suppose we should get away next year to a warmer climate, do you? Instead use, "I want to get away to a warmer climate next year, do you?
- Inserting the work "like" too often in conversation. "It's like the service was so poor it like took forever to get our meal!" Instead use, "The service was so poor it took forever to get our meal!"
You do not need to feel smaller when voicing an opinion. Simply assert your idea knowing that it has value and others will begin to value your ideas. In order to lead others or be successful in communicating your ideas, you need to speak with a voice that has credibility. This does not mean that you will never show vulnerability by saying you are sorry or you were wrong, etc. But putting disclaimers to your opinions diverts attention to the disclaimer and not the core of your message.
Question for You:
Do you find yourself using the phrases above to soften or diminish your idea so as to not appear too direct, confident or bossy? Do you know someone at home or work that uses these phrases repeatedly?
Answer for You:
If you are all too intimate with these phrases, practice in front of a mirror changing them from indirect to direct. Ask a trusted friend to remind you when you are making yourself insignificant with your communication. If you know someone like this, share this newsletter with them and help them see the way to gain credibility with others is by finding your voice.
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter"
Martin Luther King
