What would you say is the most important characteristic of an effective leader? Is it having a vision and being competent at work? How about being organized and hard working? All of these are critical to being effective but I believe one skill stands out amongst the rest....being a great communicator.

Because the word communication is multifaceted, I will break it down into two of the most critical aspects as it relates to leadership:

The ability to share your vision of where you want your department or organization to go and the ability to listen keenly to your staff and customer's needs and ideas.

Recently, my daughter, who is a graduate student, passed on a quote to me from one of her professors in Marriage and Family Therapy. He said, "Speak in order to listen instead of listening in order to speak."

What an interesting and insightful quote that has great implications for leaders. Read below for reasons why this is so hard to practice and what you can do to master it.

Great listening!

"When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen."

Ernest Hemingway

Listening, by far, is the most difficult skill set for me to learn as a leader. In the quote above, "Speak in order listen instead of listening in order to speak, I recognize myself as the latter portion or the one that listens in order to speak. If we are honest with ourselves, we know that we are professionals at listening in order to speak. We focus on what someone is saying for a few nanoseconds and then quickly turn our attention to responding to what is being said. It is at this point that we no longer listen because we must now align our words so that we can make sense and make a point.

Being a great listener as a leader will build trust with your direct reports by showing that you care and it may teach you what motivates them.

So, why are we such poor listeners?

• We lack formal training- when was the last time you spent concentrated effort with an instructor on how to become a better listener?
• We are competitive- we have become good at "one-upping" others so that we have the last word or our point is stronger than others we converse with....
• We think faster than we listen. Research supports that we listen at a rate of 150-250 words per minute but think at 1000-3000 words per minute

What can you do to learn how to speak in order to listen?

• Seek out formal instruction-find workshops and seminars on an annual basis to practice good listening habits
• Become intentional- the next person that approaches you to speak, listen with all of your body. Focus your attention, lean forward, give eye contact and only speak to ask clarifying questions or paraphrase what you have heard
• Eliminate your desire to turn the attention onto yourself by telling a similar story or trying to advise them on what to do...unless as their boss they need this direction.
• Never give up-because of the time and energy it takes to be a great listener, it is easy to let this skill atrophy. Continue to practice effective listening skills until they become a habit.

Question for You:

Do you find your attention drifting while others speak to you? Do you find the need to be clever in your response to what someone says versus listening only to understand? Do you feel the need to help others when speaking by trying to solve their problems for them when they are not asking for help?

Action for You:

By continuing to seek formal training, actively listening with ears and body and eliminating your need to "one up" or solve the problems of fellow speakers, you will be on your way to becoming that rare leader that communicates effectively by speaking in order to listen.

"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand;

they listen with the intent to reply."

Stephen R. Covey

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