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How Dare You Tell Me What To Do!
"Wherever there is a man that exercises authority; there is a man who resists authority."
Authority is defined as the power or right to give orders, make decisions and enforce obedience. How do you know if you have an issue with people in your life that have authority over you? I would start by asking three questions:
- How is my issue with authority hurting my work performance?
- Am I able to work with my boss? Is there any scenario where I could work for my boss?
- Is there a pattern of me not being able to work with other people or is this the first time? Have you been terminated in previous jobs because of this?
While interviewing two friends that admit to this problem, they believe it is often condescending to tell them to do something because they most likely already know what needs to be done. These friends are not new to their jobs and they feel constrained when told what to do because they want to do it their own way. One friend believed he had low self-esteem and so he gets defensive when told what to do because he believes others are questioning his competence instead of trying to be helpful. This questioning of his ability feeds his insecurity and low self-esteem. He mentioned the boss's communication style may play into this. If his boss says what needs to be done, gives him the right tools and timeline and gets out of the way, there are no problems.
He believes that sometimes being told to do it a different way is good, but it depends on how it is given. He advises other "authority challenged" employees to not take it personally. It is not a reflection of your abilities or intelligence but maybe your boss's insecurity and they have their own self esteem issues.
Another friend believed she had this feeling from birth. She said she had an extreme case of independence. She believes her defiance comes from the way her boss speaks with her and if there is an injustice in the workload. In other words, if her boss is not "pulling his weight" and doing the same amount of work, why should she listen to him? She would like to be given the respect to know her own work and create her own priorities. She believes it is more of a preference than a self-esteem or insecurity issue. She believes the more interpersonal skills her boss has the more she is able to take direction. She wants a competent boss that appreciates her.
So why are some employees more defiant with authority than others? In many cases these employees had an authoritarian parent who stood over them and directed/controlled them at a very young age. In the workplace, if they have a domineering boss, they want to get away from that "all too familiar" feeling of being controlled.
What should you do if this adversity to authority is hurting your professional and personal life?
- If there is a pattern with authority issues, you may want to start your own business or get a job where you do not have direct contact with a boss.
- If it hinders your personal life or those around you, then therapy may be helpful.
What should you do if someone like this works for you?
- Give them an opportunity to explain their defiance. If they are competent and committed to the job, you may be micromanaging them and they need more freedom. If they are not performing at the appropriate level, you may need to find a way to gain their respect through showing your competence and appreciation for their work so they listen to your direction.
- If the behavior continues to erode your trust with this employee to take direction, you may need to help them exit and find a different job.
"I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it."
George Carlin
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