In the world of oral communication there are many tools and strategies at our disposal to become more effective. We know that if we raise our voice we give off an intensity to what we say, and if we whisper, we may go unnoticed or unheard, or sometimes we become even more noticed when we whisper (think EF Hutton commercials from long ago).

One strategy I want to dissect in this week's newsletter is the use of silence in communication. You may be wondering how silence can be a strategy in communication when communication requires some form of verbal exchange. What I am not implying is to be aloof or silent as your primary method of communication, i.e., giving the silent treatment when mad is a strategy that will backfire.  I am talking about using silence on rare occasions in a strategic way. Read below for my thoughts on this interesting topic.

Great strategizing!

Diane

I am a talker. Many of you know me as a trainer, speaker and coach, so of course I like to talk. In that case, it may not surprise you that being silent in a conversation is not only unnatural for me, but often uncomfortable as well. I first learned about the idea of being silent as a tool in communication several years ago while training on the subject of brainstorming. As many of you know the rules to brainstorming include:

• Listing as many ideas as possible...quantity over quality
• Do not critique other's ideas
• Piggy back off of other's ideas
• Allow for silence

This last idea of allowing for silence was foreign to me when I first heard it but it is one of the most powerful and interesting steps in the brainstorming process. Rarely does a group go silent for longer than a minute, but in that short time, people are synthesizing the ideas they heard and creating new ones that would not have evolved if everyone was talking. Some of these ideas generated after a period of silence end up to be the most creative ones chosen.

So, how does this apply to communicating every day? I believe we need to allow for silence so others pick up the conversational ball. Sit on your hands, or do whatever it takes to quiet yourself as a talker, so that the other person can contribute. Sometimes the other person relies on you to fill the dead conversational space and you need to let them do it. How can you learn from others if you continually do the talking? How can others be heard if they are not made to speak at times through your silence?

Now I know this can appear manipulative, and perhaps it is, but great negotiating trainers will tell you that there is power in silence in the negotiating process as well. The old adage "the person that speaks first loses" when throwing a price out for consideration on a product or service has proven true many times in my experience. I am not suggesting you always be silent but there are times to speak and times to be quiet. When the question becomes one of what price to offer something... let the other party speak first, if possible.

Question for You:

Do you find yourself carrying the conversational ball in most group gatherings? Do you feel uncomfortable if no one is talking in a group gathering or meeting?

Action for You:

Allow for silence. As a test, look at your watch, cell phone or clock and sit in silence for one minute. Notice that while that may feel like a long time, rarely will anyone allow this to go beyond one minute...someone will fill that silence and let it be someone else. As the silent one you may learn more, create better ideas and possibly save yourself money or make more money in a negotiating strategy.

"The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause."

          Mark Twain