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4 SignsYou Are Too Controlling Of Others
No one wants to be known as a controlling boss, mother, father or friend, etc. Controlling others is not always bad...after all, isn't it the responsibility of a boss to control the behavior of others so that results are produced? Well, the answer is a definitive, maybe. When an employee or family member is new to a task, there is a small window of opportunity to be able to tell someone exactly how to do something the way you would do it. In the early stages of learning a task, having someone behave in a more controlling style actually feels right. The problem occurs when we continue to tell someone how to do something when they are more than capable of doing it themselves.
So, why do we find the need to control others that are more than capable of handing the task?
- We don't believe they can do the task as well as we can
- We care deeply for the end result to be perfect so we jump in and take over
- We may have had a bad experience in our past when the task was not done well
What are the four signs that you are too controlling as a boss, friend or family member?
- You do not listen to new ideas or ways of completing the task ( you think "my way or the highway")
- You may listen to new ideas with modest interest but continue to do the task the way you know works ( you do not want to take the time or energy to try a new way that may work the same or better than your way)
- You tell capable workers how to do work they already know how to do (you show them how to do even the simplest tasks)
- You correct behaviors that don't affect the outcome of task being completed ( you feel that all behaviors are open to scrutiny because they could affect the outcome)
How do people feel when they are being controlled?
- Incompetent and inferior
- Wanting to fight back or remove themselves from the situation
- Apathy resulting in lower productivity
How can you begin to lose that controlling feeling?
- Do some serious soul searching. Ask yourself why you care so deeply that the end product be perfect?
- Realize that you can both care deeply and have others help with the task
- Start small by delegating one aspect of the task and increase delegation with good results
- Distract yourself when you feel the need to jump in when a person is capable
- Seek help from a professional if you are unable to "let go" of control
Question for You:
Do you control others beyond the initial learning stage of a task? Do you feel the need to jump in when someone is more than capable?
Answer for You:
The first step is always awareness. Ask your employees and family members if they feel controlled by you and in what situations. Get in touch with your past to find out what may be driving this need and make a pledge to start delegating in small steps or getting help from a professional.
"Everybody thinks of changing humanity, but nobody thinks of changing himself."
- Leo Tolstoy
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