---

Myrna was desperate when she called on my services. Dissatisfaction with her work life and her personal life had trapped her in a revolving view of herself as untalented and undesirable. She was unable to hold down a job for long. She tried to create friendships and romantic relationships, but they always ended abruptly as well. She had sought out feedback from the colleagues and friends that had broken ties with her, but she was too defensive to pay attention to the feedback, and dismissed it to me, saying she "didn't see the point." After listening to the stories of Myrna's career missteps and personal disappointments, I began to see a theme: consistency was what Myrna craved, but she was so afraid of rejection that she sabotaged every happy situation.

When childhood is interrupted by trauma, the effects can linger for a lifetime when not healed properly. This was especially true in Myrna's case. After we had formed a basis of trust, she told me the story of her earliest days. Myrna had been abandoned as a baby, left alone for some amount of days and eventually discovered in a remote migrant workers' dormitory. She lived in a series of foster homes before being adopted as a child. Myrna told me that she appreciated the home she was given with the adoptive couple, but that she could never bring herself to trust them fully or to feel emotionally close with them.

As clear as the theme of abandonment appeared to me, and likewise to anyone reading the situation laid out this way, Myrna had mentally disconnected the events of her past from the problems of her present. With leading questions and lots of patience, I encouraged Myrna to look at the causes and effects in a more holistic way. The more our conversation developed, the better she could see how her painful origins impacted her current issues with trust and reliability. She had been deprived of the basic foundation of stability and acceptance from her earliest moments, and now co-created situations of separation and inconsistency with colleagues and friends.

It was a long journey, but these talks marked the beginning of Myrna's healing. Together we took baby steps towards building a life with more stability than she had ever experienced before. These days, Myrna has a good position at a company she has worked at for years. She has an active social life, and still uses our exercises when she feels vulnerable or uncertain.  I'm very grateful that I got to help her as a coach, guiding her through this potentially frightening journey in a gentle and supportive way.