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GuardYourEyes Chizuk E-Mail (No. 1222)
Getting stronger every day!
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In Today's Issue
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Torah Thought: Borrowing My Father
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GYE Principle #9: Learning to love Hashem ... (p.2)
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Sex Addiction Basics: 10 Tips for the 1st Year in Recovery
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Category: Torah Thought
Borrowing My Father
By Anonymous
Since it is often the underlying issues which cause the destructive behavior with the bris, and thousands of boys and men struggle with anger towards and friction with their parents, I think this is one of the most powerful ideas I've seen for myself and many of my friends who, even till this day, struggle with their father specifically:
Relationship with our fathers is often one of the greatest sources of pain and misery. I recently listened again to a discussion about the morning korbonos how Abaye chose the approach of Abba Shaul. "Abaye (who was a full yasom) goes 'according to Abba Shaul' (which literally means a 'borrowed father'). Hence the name "when you need to borrow your father." Because Judaism is well aware that right from the get-go in the early morning, it will be only natural to have zero intimate connection with God above. We can only borrow Gd. We will not, on autopilot, feel totally close with God. And even if we try, it will feel unnatural and painful and not comfortable very often. So we will have to 'borrow' our Father in Heaven.
After we light some of the inner candles of our soul we'll have to go to the outer altar (Abba Shaul's opinion), where all the animals are put on the fire. Will still have to deal with the burning animal inside of ourselves all day, and that is ok. That is reality. And God is just fine with us even if we are 'borrowing' him day after day to make it through life, while we are dealing with a burning inner animal. Of course, there are times when we definitely do rise above it, too...
Once, Rabbah was teaching Rova and Abaye when the two of them were small boys, and Rabah asked both of them, "Where is God?" Rova, who had parents to interact with and teach him about God and spirituality on a daily basis, simply pointed up to the ceiling. A ceiling has its measurements. It falls into the parameters of the mind very easily with its dimensions, indicating a relationship with a god which "makes sense."
Abaye, however, walked outside of the house and pointed up to the heavens to show where God is. The heavens are limitless and are mysterious. He had no parents: he had to borrow a God from a mysterious enigmatic spiritual plane, which is impossible to fully describe. Almost a "senseless place" beyond the confines of the rational mind.
I have no doubt that is the same connection many of us in recovery have to tap into.
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Discuss these ideas with your friends on the forum.
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Category: Announcement
The Third Annual GYE Convention in Israel
"From Slavery to Recovery"
with keynote speaker, Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski
For registration, contact
DPMZ.GYE@GMAIL.COM
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One-liner
God, I'm standing at the turning point right now. Give me your protection and care as I abandon myself to you and give up my old ways and my old ideas just for today.
OMEIN.
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Category: GYE Principle #9
Learning to Love Hashem through This Struggle
Part 2
The Baal Shem Tov also speaks a lot about how these desires are "fallen love" that really have their roots in the upper spiritual world of "Ahavah". As is written in Parshas Lech Lecha:
Everything (in this world) is a projection of Hakadosh Baruch Hu through his attributes of love and fear, as is known. But the love is in exile, clothed in the physical, such as in a woman or in food... One should say in his heart, if I love this, which is only a 'fallen and broken love" dressed in a putrid drop (which is where we all come from), how much more should I love the Holy one Blessed Be He!
Those who struggle with these desires can use it as a spring board to Ahavas Hashem. And when we successfully do this, we are uplifting the greatest physical desires and turning them into a great love for Hashem! This is a very high level of Divine service. We can also see this midah at play when Yaakov Avinu met his son Yosef after 22 years and, as Chazal tell us, he turned his love to Hashem by saying Kriyas Shema. We can grow in this direction if every time we feel unhealthy desires we daven to Hashem and say, "Hashem, please help me find in You what I am looking for in lust".
The sefarim speak about how the highest desire a Jew can have is to be dovek - attached to Hashem and to the ziv of the Sh'chinah. It is actually supposed to be a 'lust' of some sort, as the Rambam (Maimonides, Mishnah Torah, "Laws of Repentance", 10,3) writes:
What is the proper love that we must have for G-d? It is to love G-d with an exceedingly great and intensely powerful love until the individual is constantly enraptured by it; he must be stricken like a lovesick person, whose mind is at no time free from his passion for a particular woman, with the thought of her filling his heart at all times, whether he be sitting down or rising up, whether he be eating or drinking. Even more intense should the love of G-d be in the hearts of those who love Him, and this love should constantly absorb him, as we are commanded to love the Lord "with all your heart and with all your soul." Solomon expressed this allegorically in the verse, "for I am sick with love." (Song of Songs, 2:5) Indeed, the entire Song of Songs is an allegorical description of this love.
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Discuss these ideas with your friends on the forum.
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Category: Announcement
Good News! A special treat for GYE members.
12-Step Workshop by Dov on Phone
Monday (March 9, 2015) through Thursday, March 19.
The call takes place at 12pm EST (using Duvid Chaim's timeslot, phone number + PIN).
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Category: Sex Addiction Basics
10 Tips for Your First Year in Recovery
Continued from issue 1221
The first year is the hardest. Some would say it is the most important, because most relapses happen within the first year. When people first enter recovery, their mind and emotions are doing crazy things. Here are a few tips that can help you get through the first year.
6 - Find a Hobby
Everyone is good at something. Many times addiction has kept us from doing what we love. Get back to your art. Start reading again. Get back to writing that book you want. Get back into your love for fashion.
Whatever it is, recovery will give you a chance to get back to what you love to do.
7 - Therapy
There is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. Everyone can benefit from therapy, there is no reason not to work with a professional if you can.
If you have trauma in your past, you will need to deal with it.
8 - Find a Mentor
We highly recommend getting a sponsor. If you chose not to do so, than you should still have some kind of mentor.
The fact is, people who are new to recovery do not know how to stay sober. They might think they do, but they don't. We must be taught. Find someone who has more experience than you, and learn all you can from that person. They will be happy to help.
9 - Relax
Many times people want to get sober all at once. This is not possible.
Recovery takes time, and there is no final grade. When the moments come that you feel restless and that you want to do something, just take a nap. Getting through the day without acting out is more important than whatever you think you have to do. Trust me...
10 - DON'T ACT OUT - NO MATTER WHAT
We know it's cliché. However, the time will come when no one will pick up the phone, where reading doesn't help, and when you just can't relax. These moments are critical, because it is so easy to slip up.
If you want to stay sober more than you want to act out, you will get through this. Your Higher Power may give you strength. Maybe a run will distract you. Maybe eating a bag of chocolate will get you through. Whatever you have to do, just don't act out. The feeling will eventually pass, and you will have gotten another day clean and sober!
We hope this helps. If anyone else has some good tips for the first year in recovery, please share your comments for the benefit of those who may not know.
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Discuss these ideas with your friends on the forum.
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Limited Time Offer is Back - but it may take a bit of time to fulfill!
For those who find it hard to read the
and they feel they would have a lot to benefit from a hard copy, please contact
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