7 Step Process To Regaining Trust In Recovery
(Reprint from sobernation.com)
Drug [and lust] addicts lose things. It's just what happens.
...[And] at the end of the road, almost every addict will lose trust. Losing trust is possibly the most painful loss of all. It's agonizing, ...hearing the tone in your mother's voice when you tell her you will do something for her, and she just doesn't believe you. It fills you with guilt and shame.
Trust is never taken, it is always earned. It's one of the few Universal truths. It will always be this way, and because we are unable to take or steal trust, it makes it even harder to regain. There are no short cuts when rebuilding relationships.
I have spent a long time putting this together in my head... If you want to earn someone's trust back, and you are willing to earn it, than follow us. See full article.
(Cont'd from issue 1217)
Step Six- Be Impeccable With Your Word
Once you are at this step, you have come a long way. Yet, you probably aren't over the hill yet. At this point you have worked really hard to build discipline and a routine to take control of your life and started to gain some trust. Now you have to protect what you have worked so hard for.
Think of your word as if it were money. Your word may be even more valuable than money, so you have to protect it. You have to nurture it, and you have to keep it in good condition. Respect yourself enough to take yourself seriously.
Now, on the flip side, it is important not to over commit. Sometimes we get in the habit of trying to please everyone. I do this myself. There is nothing wrong with saying no. If you can't commit to something, then say no. Saying no is better than saying yes and letting someone down.
My Dad made this very simple for me:
"If you say you will do something - then do it. If you can't do something, than don't say that you can." - Thanks Pop!
Step Seven - Be Consistent
Sometimes, even after we have tried as hard as we can, people still don't feel comfortable giving us their trust back. Can you blame them? Sometimes, years of lies and drug [porn] use can really hurt another person. Those scars can cut very deep. This may be especially true in romantic relationships.
Unfortunately, as we have said over and over again, it is not up to us when someone decides to trust us. It is usually a slow process, and you have to be consistent.
Everything worth having in life is usually hard to get. The harder you work to earn someone's trust back, the more valuable that relationship will be. How bad do you want it?
Now For The Cherry On Top
None of this is a guarantee. If your actions have made it so you will never be able to gain trust back, well, you will just have to live with that.
It does happen. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, how honest and reliable we become, some people will just never forgive us. That's okay.
Truth is, if you know in your heart that you have done everything you could do, than you have nothing to worry about. In fact, you have come out on top. All of this work you put in was not for nothing. Now every relationship you make from this point forward will be built on a sober, honest, and trustworthy foundation.
If you are a good person, and you do the right thing, than good things will happen to you.
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