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GuardYourEyes Chizuk E-Mail (No. 1215)

Getting stronger every day!

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In Today's Issue

Torah Thought: 1. All or Nothing? 2. Praying after Fall

Practical Tips: 7 Steps to Regaining Trust (p.3)
Link of the Day: GYE Newsletter reprint: Ki Siso

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Boruch Hashem, we have been absolutely INUNDATED with requests for the handbook, and will need to get more printed.

Please be patient: your orders have been received and will take some time to process.

***Free*** Hard Copy of the GYE Handbook

For those who find it hard to read the GYE handbook online or as a PDF file, and they feel they would have a lot to benefit from a hard copy, please contact

yehudagerlitz@gmail.com

with your snail-mail address and it will be mailed to you bl"n.

Please note that the booklets are sent in a plain yellow envelope, reinforced to prevent tearing open. Only the sender's address (NOT GYE) and the recipient's address are on the envelope and the required Post shipping label.

Note: This offer is for those who commit to reading the handbook :-)

The sender kindly asks that you email us a confirmation when you actually receive the book as well as if you received one in the past.

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Category: Torah Thought

All or Nothing?

The Medrash brings down a mashul of a boy on his fathers shoulders. He asks his father to get him grapes, apples, oranges- and his father immediately reaches to get him these things. There's a moment of silence and the boy then sees a passing stranger and says, 'Sir, have you seen my father anywhere? I can't see him?' The father is disappointed and annoyed that he had gone out of his way for his child yet a moment later he was forgotten about. He lifts the child off his shoulders, puts him down, and unfortunately a dog bites him soon after.

This is what happened to the Bnei Yisroel in the Midbar. Hashem did EVERYTHING for them. Open miracles galore. Still, there is speculation among them. The Gematria of Amalek is Safek- doubt, that's the dog that came to bite the child as a result of him questioning the existance of his father. We ask for everything, and get most of it, 'Please grant me health/ wealth/ success/ happiness'. The same Being who grants us these things has a reason for what He chooses not to bless us with.

We learn from Haman who said 'All this [power, money, family] is not worth anything to me as long as Mordechai doesn't bow down to me'. When one thing goes wrong for us, when we struggle to fight against our animalistic desires, it's easy to say 'Nothing in my life is perfect as long asI don't have ____ in my life'.

There's a concept called Cognitive Reframent (as a way of increasing happiness). It is human nature to see the one black dot in our life as a black hole, sucking everything good into it. Our role is to shrink that black hole, into a black dot, and surround it with sunlight, flowers etc The attitude of 'all this is not worth anything to me' is the excuse we give ourselves to act out, ultimately destroying our happiness.

Praying after Fall

Moses asked God to separate us from all the other nations. Interestingly enough, that separation happened precisely after the great fall of the golden calf. It seems that the prayer after a tremendous fall has an enormous consequence for a Jew.

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Discuss this feature with your friends on the forum.

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Rabbi Feuerman's, LCSW-R, Friday Phone Conference

The Chosson (and Kallah) Shmooze You WISH You Had,

but Never Got!

8:30 AM NY Time

3:30 PM Israel Time

The call-in number is:

U.S: 209 255 1000 Israel: 076 599 0060

Participant PIN: 637207#

For archives of previous shiurim see here.

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One-liner

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

-Aristotle

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Announcement

The Nesivos Shalom Conference Call

SUNDAY Mornings from 9AM to 9:30AM EST

Reb Noach Schwartz, LCSW will give a shiur in Nesivos Shalom specially geared to GYE members, followed by insights, sharing and Q&A.

*Kindly call in for an enjoyable, educational, and chasidishe schmooze!*

Call in number:

From U.S: (605) 562-3131

Israel: (076) 599-0060

(From other countries, see this page)

PIN# 952533 (for all countries)

For Reb Noach's therapy page here. For Reb Noach's website here.

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Category: Practical Tips

7 Step Process To Regaining Trust In Recovery

(Reprint from sobernation.com) Part 3

(cont'd from issue 1214)

Drug [and lust] addicts lose things. It's just what happens.

They lose money, they lose weight, they lose jobs, they lose freedom. From time to time, they will even lose their drugs. We all remember tearing our rooms and our cars apart for that little baggie that was just on our lap. The struggle is real...

At the end of the road, almost every addict will lose trust. Losing trust is possibly the most painful loss of all. It's agonizing, knowing that your family hides their valuables before you come over, or hearing the tone in your mothers voice when you tell her you will do something for her and she just doesn't believe you. It fills you with guilt and shame.

Trust is never taken, it is always earned. It's one of the few Universal truths. It will always be this way, and because we are unable to take or steal trust, it makes it even harder to regain. There are no short cuts when rebuilding relationships.

I have spent a long time putting this together in my head. Together, we came up with a 7 step plan in rebuilding trust. If you want to earn someone's trust back, and you are willing to earn it, than follow us. See full article.

Step Three - Build A Routine And Stick To It

Addiction makes us undisciplined. Being undisciplined makes us unpredictable. Being unpredictable is an antonym for being reliable. People don't trust unpredictability, nor should they.

People can generally handle bad news or being let down, but people get very upset when they are blindsided and caught off guard.

No one is telling you to become a robot or to lose your spontaneity. We are simply saying that being reliable is a learned habit, not a single act. We are not born reliable, we learn to be reliable.

When you are healing a broken relationship, you have to start with yourself. So start with the important aspects. Be on time for work, get a steady schedule of meetings or therapy or exercise, show up to places when you say you will. Build a healthy lifestyle and stick to it.

No excuses. It's time to grow up.

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Discuss these ideas with your friends on the forum.

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Category: Link of the Day

Reprint:

GYE Newsletter

Download this week's Newsletter, Parshas Ki Siso

In case you want to read it in shul and you don't want people seeing the GYE Logo, CLICK HERE for a text-only version.

It contains vertlach and anecdotes on the Parshas Hashavuah, and many members from the forum contribute to produce this valuable newsletter.

We suggest printing it out to read over Shabbos.

We'd like to give a big Yasher Koach to a member who calls himself Lizensk for his efforts in this worthwhile endeavor, and we wish him much success in all future editions!

Good Shabbos to all our GYE members!

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Category: Announcement

Good News! A special treat for GYE members.

12-Step Workshop by Dov on Phone

Dov - from the "Daily Dose of Dov" (who is currently 18 years sober in SA) - will be giving over a 12-Step workshop on the phone for the 2 weeks following Purim.

Beginning Monday after Purim (March 9) through Thursday, March 19, at 12pm EST (using Duvid Chaim's timeslot, phone number + PIN). 209-255-1000 PIN 637207#. (For numbers from countries outside of the U.S see this page).

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