7 Step Process To Regaining Trust In Recovery
(Reprint from sobernation.com) Part 2
(cont'd from issue 1213)
Drug [and lust] addicts lose things. It's just what happens.
They lose money, they lose weight, they lose jobs, they lose freedom. From time to time, they will even lose their drugs. We all remember tearing our rooms and our cars apart for that little baggie that was just on our lap. The struggle is real...
At the end of the road, almost every addict will lose trust. Losing trust is possibly the most painful loss of all. It's agonizing, knowing that your family hides their valuables before you come over, or hearing the tone in your mothers voice when you tell her you will do something for her and she just doesn't believe you. It fills you with guilt and shame.
Trust is never taken, it is always earned. It's one of the few Universal truths. It will always be this way, and because we are unable to take or steal trust, it makes it even harder to regain. There are no short cuts when rebuilding relationships.
I have spent a long time putting this together in my head. Together, we came up with a 7 step plan in rebuilding trust. If you want to earn someone's trust back, and you are willing to earn it, than follow us. See full article.
Step Two - Avoid Victim Mentality
Don't be a victim. Seriously, there is nothing more depressing than a victim. There is a very real possibility that you may have had some terrible things happen to you. Maybe you dealt with death, or sexual assault. Maybe your Dad left you when you were a kid. The truth is that you can't Nerf the world. There is no bumper bowling through life. Life is hard - that's just the reality.
Living with a victim mentally will keep people away from you. People are drawn to strong people who don't give excuses. As long as you are blaming a circumstance as the reason for why you behaved the way you did, people will never trust you.
The intention is not to come off as callus or cruel, the intent is for you to lose the "woe is me" mentality and take control of your life. No matter what the circumstance, you have something to be grateful for.
If you have a situation you need to grieve over, than that's okay. Everyone get's down, but taking the step to deal with a situation is taking control. Therapy or meetings are a proactive approach. Do not sit and isolate and sulk.
I have a friend. He broke his back in a dirt bike accident when he was 19 and his mother died when he was young. He will never walk. He is in a wheel chair and will be his whole life. He figured out how to drive a car, how to have a girlfriend, how to maintain a job, and how to build long term sobriety. He did it, you can do it too.
You are not a victim, so don't act like one. Trustworthy people are not victims, they are survivors.
To be continued...
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