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GuardYourEyes Chizuk E-Mail (No. 1210)  

Getting stronger every day!
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In Today's Issue 

  • Attitude: Your Plan for Your Planet
     
  • Torah Thought: GYE Principle #1
  • Practical Tips: Quitting Porn: 6 Biggest Mistakes - Part 2
     
     
  • Addiction Perspective: The 3 Levels of Sex Addiction - Part 2

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Category: Attitude

Your Plan For Your Planet 

 

By Daniel
> I did not plan on being a sexaholic
> I did not plan to have emotionally abusive parents
> I did not plan to be bullied in school
> I did not plan to go to yeshiva for 5 years
> I did not plan on getting a 6 figure job
> I did not plan on going broke a year later
> I did not plan on marrying a beautiful, loving, caring, loyal  wife
> I did not plan on having 3 incredibly cute children
> I did not plan on starting my own business
> I did not plan on finding a fellowship
> I did not plan on getting sober
Now
> I DO NOT PLAN
"More will be revealed..." Your Will, not mine, be done!

Duvid Chaim responds:
Every morning, when I dangle my feet off the edge of the bed after I wake up, I look down at the floor, and I say the following to Hashem:
"I am about to step off this bed onto YOUR PLANET. 
Please help me remember as I go through my day that I do not PLAN IT!  
This is Your PLANET and I need to let You PLAN IT!"
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Discuss this feature with your friends on  the forum. 

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One-liner

  

 No pain, no gain.

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Category: Torah Thought

 

GYE Principle #1:

Fixing the foundations of ourselves and of the world

 

The struggle with lust is a struggle with the deepest human emotions. And therefore, fixing these emotions fixes a person deeper than anything else. That's why the Zohar calls this Yesod. Hashem is not just telling us not to be dirty. Rather, he is telling us to build ourselves with the things we don't do. The foundation of a building is underground and no one sees it, but it holds up the entire building. Shemiras Habris is the hidden part of a Jew, it's the real you. And if the foundation of a Jew is weak, his whole spiritual structure is fragile and in grave danger of collapse.

 

It is brought down from the Baal Shem Tov that if a person succeeds in subjugating this particular desire then he is automatically able to subjugate all other desires, as the Mekor Mayim Chaim writes (Baal Shem Tov, Lech Lecha), "For it is from the strength of this desire that man is created, and a person has 365 sinews--parallel to the 365 negative commandments, and by subjugating this he therefore nullifies [the desires for] all 365 negative commandments". The B'nei Yissachar also writes (Derech Pikudecha): "We have a tradition from our fathers that the Yetzer Hara desires more than anything to attack the person through these sins, because included in this lust are all the others." Perhaps this is why R' Nachman also writes that these temptations are a man's main test in life.

 

It says in the Korbonos: "Zeh Ha'isheh asher Takrivu LaHashem - This is the fire that you should sacrifice to Hashem." Isheh means fire, but it also spells Ishah, which means "a woman." The biggest sacrifice that a man needs to make in his life for Hashem is zeh Ha'isheh - this desire for women and the fire of lust.

 

By working on these areas, we ultimately learn to give over our entire heart to Hashem, as the Pasuk says "Bechol Levavcha - with all your heart." And Chazal say "Bishnei Yitzrecha - with both your inclinations."

 

And not only are we fixing ourselves deeply through this struggle, we are also fixing the world. Every generation has its tests, and this is likely the test of our generation. There has never been a time in history where promiscuity and licentiousness filled the world in every corner, to the degree that it does in our time. In the generation before Moshiach's time, we are cleaning out the filth from the very bottom of the barrel. We are doing the final work before the great days that are to come.

 

Only great souls with immense potential were given this difficult job. So if Hashem gave us this struggle, it means he trusted us with a great mission. This alone should bring us joy and motivation to substantiate His trust. And of course, if we succeed, we will be in the front lines to greet Moshiach!

 

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Discuss these ideas with your friends on the forum.

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Category: Practical Tips

 

Quitting Porn:

6 Biggest Mistakes People Make (p.2 of 2)

 

By Dr. Linda Hatch 

 

4. Thinking that the internet in general is a safe space There are a lot of non-porn ways to use the internet that can trigger a porn addict to relapse.  I have often seen porn addicts slip when they come across a sexual or suggestive photo or video on a social networking site.  Likewise, dating sites, chat rooms and other internet venues can be slippery.  Even the sight of the computer itself can be "conditioned" to bring up urges for pornography.  Different people will find different strategies for limiting how they use the internet.

5. Thinking that only porn is pornographic

There is so much "ambient porn" in our culture that it is almost impossible to completely get away from sexual imagery.  The porn addict has to understand that some of this imagery is potentially triggering for him or her.  The addict is often inclined to wishful thinking when it comes to movies, music videos, or TV shows with a lot of sexual content.  Choosing this kind of entertainment, at least until recovery is well established, can be an unconscious attempt to get a sexual "hit".

6. Thinking porn exists only on a screen

Some porn addicts may use masturbation to fantasy as a substitute for porn use.  In this case the porn consists of a "data base" of imagery and scenarios from past porn use which can be called up from memory.  The idea here is that the addict may need a sexual release to help prevent porn addiction relapse per se.  But the use of pornographic fantasies along with masturbation can be a kind of "methadone maintenance" for sex addicts.  And it is likely to backfire and cause a slip instead of helping to avoid one.


Editor's note: Of course, as frum people, we understand that masturbation in and of itself is problematic, as well. 

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Discuss these ideas with your friends on the forum.

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Category: Addiction Perspective

  
The 3 Levels of Sex Addiction
(p. 2 of 3)
*cont'd from issue 1209*

Sex addiction is a term that's becoming more and more prevalent in all aspects of the addiction community.  This is particularly true as we discover more about the addiction interaction disorder of stimulants and sex.  A spirited debate as to whether there's even such a thing as sexual addiction has been developing for some time now. "People can't be addicted to sex - it's just what people do" is often heard, while on the other hand, there are people that apply the same definition of addiction to alcohol and/or drugs to that of sex.  There's no way to deny that someone who has difficulty controlling their sexual urges, behaviors and/or thoughts will see a progression of their symptoms leading to negative consequences in their lives.  For sex addicts, there are levels to the severity of the addiction and these are a good indication of the type of treatment that is needed. There are three levels of sex addiction.

Level II
 

A common theme among these behaviors listed are that of someone being victimized.  There are also legal consequences to these actions - which is a primary difference between Level One and Level Two behaviors.

Prostitution

Acting out in public

Voyeurism 

Exhibitionism

Frotteurism

Stalking behaviors

Sexual harassment
 

 

Both Orange and Red Levels of GYE Tools are appropriate for dealing with the Level II sex addiction.

 

To be continued....

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Important Links

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