In honor of Chodesh Adar, let's try a new approach to "letting go" of non-Kosher tensions: "Happiness"!

The entire world is in pursuit of this elusive prize, but for us Jews, Happiness is not just a means to fulfilling selfish interests, it is a Mitzvah in it's own right! The Beis Ahron of Karlin writes that what Happiness can bring a Jew to--no Mitzvah can, and what sadness can bring a Jew to--no Aveira can! 

The following may seem a bit queer, but it can't hurt to try! Next time you are feeling the tensions build up, or you're feeling vulnerable and down--try this. Go into a room where no one is around and just start laughing out loud, hearty, rolling laughter, for a minute or two. Then dance a little jig and sing "I'm happy, I'm relaxed", "I'm happy, I'm relaxed". You will be amazed how much freer and stronger you will feel! 

By Dr. Linda Hatch

1. Not building in accountability  For people struggling with porn addiction it is essential that they have an addiction support group or trusted adviser to whom they regularly report their days of abstinence from porn and admit their slips when they happen.  This should include the details of the slip.

Often knowing that they will have to talk about what they are doing a powerful deterrent for addicts.  Sex and porn addicts should be scrupulously honest with their spouses and partners but a significant other is not the same as an accountability partner.

2. Believing internet porn is not their real problem Most sex addicts engage in more than one sexually addictive behavior.  If their other behaviors are more overtly visible, expensive, illegal or otherwise troublesome, the addict may feel, "Well, it's only porn.  At least I'm not out exposing myself." They may feel that if they have a problem with extra-marital affairs and porn, it is only important to give up the affairs.  After all that's what is most troublesome to their spouse.  All of this is mistaken thinking.  What they are not realizing is that all forms of sexual acting out have the ability to lead back to full on relapse. 

3. Not agreeing to a program of consequences.   For porn addicts with frequent slips and relapses it is necessary to agree on what they will do to "up" their program if they slip.  I often suggest that addicts agree ahead of time to increase their 12-step participation by going to more meetings if and when they slip up, or that they set up a daily phone call to check in with a sponsor or recovery partner.  If they are still struggling, I suggest that the next step would be to commit to a one or two week outpatient intensive program and a stint of residential treatment if that doesn't work.

All of this may seem very demanding and stringent.  Most of us would rather not have to be this compulsive and structured about our recovery program.  But porn addiction is so notoriously hard to quit and relapse so common, that it is a special case.

To be continued...