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GuardYourEyes Chizuk E-Mail (No. 1197)
Getting stronger every day!
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In Today's Issue
- Torah Thought: Reliance
- Audio of the Day: Step One by Rabbi Pinson
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Rabbi Feuerman's, LCSW-R, Friday Phone Conference
The Chosson (and Kallah) Shmooze You WISH You Had,
but Never Got!
8:30 AM NY Time
3:30 PM Israel Time
The call-in number is: U.S: 209 255 1000 Israel: 076 599 0060 Participant PIN: 637207# For archives of previous shiurim see here.
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Category: Q & A
Letting Go of Shame. Helpful Or Damaging?
Question:
Dear GYE,
I feel like people, who come with their problem to GYE, are thinking and feeling like they are doing the worst thing in the world. Then they see the stories of many people who have gone through the same or worse things, and they feel like their problem is not so bad anymore and feel comfortable with where they are. Actually, someone in the kollel told me that he came to GYE and felt more comfortable and fell more because he realized it is something a lot of people are falling in. What do you think about this?
Answer:
It is true that on GYE we help people see that they are not alone, and they are not "bad" but rather "sick" (or you can call it addicted). This helps a person let go of the shame. But that doesn't mean they should let go of the guilt. You see, there is a very big difference between shame and guilt. Shame is damaging. It feeds the vicious cycle of addiction. Instead of "I made a mistake" (guilt), the person feels "I AM a mistake" (shame). I am messed up. I am "broken", I am "bad". This is very unhealthy and makes the person want to give up and just give in more. And our experience is that it is much more beneficial for a person to let go of shame than to hold on to it. Shame generally doesn't help a person stop, even though it seems like it might, in some cases.
On the other hand, it is very important to remain with guilt when we are acting out. The Nesivos Shalom says that when a Jew no longer feels guilt, he has no more hope and is cut off from Hashem. Guilt means that a person acknowledges that they made mistakes in the past. Guilt pushes a person to look for ways to break OUT of the addictive cycle.
So the difference between shame and guilt is subtle but very important. Shame makes a person want to give up, and Guilt pushes a person to action.
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Discuss this answer with your friends on the forum.
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One-liner
Step 1 is all about feelings. Nothing is more unmanageable in an addict's life then his emotions.
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Announcement
The Nesivos Shalom Conference Call
SUNDAY Mornings from 9AM to 9:30AM EST
Reb Noach Schwartz, LCSW will give a shiur in Nesivos Shalom specially geared to GYE members, followed by insights, sharing and Q&A.
*Kindly call in for an enjoyable, educational, and chasidishe schmooze!*
Call in number:
From U.S: (605) 562-3131
Israel: (076) 599-0060
(From other countries, see this page)
PIN# 952533 (for all countries)
For Reb Noach's therapy page here. For Reb Noach's website here.
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Category: Torah Thought
Reliance
Based on letters and talks of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi M. M. Schneerson
Every step along the way, keep one thing in mind: The same G-d who runs the big, wide world is without a doubt the same G-d who runs the little world of each one of us.
Just as He knows what is going on in the macrocosmos, so He is well aware of what is happening in your microcosmos. And you can rely on Him to direct it for the good.
It is up to you not to mess things up.
And how can a person mess up G-d's plans?
By stubbornly grasping the wheel, as though you alone are the captain of the ship.
Based on a letter, volume 25, page 61
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Audio of the Day
Step One with Rabbi Yisroel Pinson
Rabbi Yisrael Pinson is the Director of the Daniel B. Sobel Friendship House in West Bloomfield, MI. Since joining the Friendship House he has helped create a local Jewish Recovery Community where recovering addicts are helped through support, guidance, friendship and community.
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Help Us Help Others!
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Please help support our work so we can continue to help acheinu b'nei Yisrael!
Secure On-line Donations here
(Anonymous recurring credit card donations possible)
To donate by phone, call (24 hours): 718-878-3075
Checks can be made out to: "GYE Corp." and mailed to:
GYE Corp.
P.O. Box 32380
Pikesville, MD 21282
U.S.A.
Donations are tax deductible.
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