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GuardYourEyes Chizuk E-Mail (No. 1195)  

Getting stronger every day!
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In Today's Issue  

  • Q & A: I found my father is looking at shmutz. What can I do?
  • Attitude: A Daughter's Letter to Her Porn-Watching Dad
     
  • Video of the Day: Protecting the Seed of Life

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Rabbi Feuerman LCSW-R has been giving 20 minute shiurim on the Parsha for GYE members over the past year. He has recently completed a whole cycle of the Chumash. The shiurim can be accessed and downloaded at this link.

Here are links to download Zip files for each of the Chumashim:

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Rabbi Feuerman's, LCSW-R, Friday Phone Conference
  
The Chosson (and Kallah) Shmooze You WISH You Had,
but Never Got!
8:30 AM NY Time
3:30 PM Israel Time

The call-in number is: 
U.S: 209 255 1000              Israel: 076 599 0060
Participant PIN: 637207#

For archives of previous shiurim see here.

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Category: Q & A

 

 I Found My Father Looking at Schmutz. What Can I Do?
 

Question:

Dear GYE,

I am in a horrible predicament. I discovered that my father (a talmid chacham, a big baal chesed) is looking at ervah on our filtered internet. We are a frum 'regular' family. Please, please, I need advice for what steps to take. I have no idea what to do, and I can't have anyone know about this.

With much hakaras hatov in advance.

 

Answer:

 

We sent your question to Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski (author of over 60 books on psychology), and also discussed it with some of the experts on our team. We feel that you will need to choose between two options, depending on the type of relationship you have with your father. You must believe that if he ends up getting help because of this, he will thank you in his heart for the rest of his life.

 

Option 1: It's Ok for you to confront him in a gentle and respectful way. (See more below about what you might be able to say to him). If you want, you can tell him to call Yaakov on the GYE hotline to discuss more about how he can get help (646-600-8100 Ext.3).

 

Option 2: If you feel that this would ruin your relationship with your father, or if you don't have the kind of relationship that would enable you to confront him about this at all, you should at least give us the 'go-ahead' to send him an e-mail telling him that someone who is concerned about him and respects him wants him to know that this is a common problem today and that help is available. Even if it is likely that he will assume it is you who asked us to send this e-mail, this option still leaves him with his kavod and also leaves him with a small doubt that maybe it wasn't you, so he will be able to retain a normal relationship with you.

 

Now that we have shared with you our conclusion, here are quotes from the responses we got from the experts on our team:

 

 Continue reading for the answers from Rabbi Dr. Twerski and from Dov. 

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One-liner

  

Your child will follow your example, not your advice. 

 

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Announcement

 

The Nesivos Shalom Conference Call

 

SUNDAY Mornings from 9AM to 9:30AM EST 

 

Reb Noach Schwartz, LCSW will give a shiur in Nesivos Shalom specially geared to GYE members, followed by insights, sharing and Q&A.

*Kindly call in for an enjoyable, educational, and chasidishe schmooze!*

 

Call in number:

From U.S: (605) 562-3131

Israel: (076) 599-0060

(From other countries, see this page)

PIN# 952533 (for all countries)

 

For Reb Noach's therapy page  here. For Reb Noach's website  here.

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Category: Attitude


An Open Letter to My Porn Watching Dad


This daughter's letter to her father is heartbreaking, but every dad should read it.

*This has been posted anonymously due to the nature

of the topic.*

 

To My Porn-Watching Dad,

From Your Daughter

 

Dear Dad,

First of all, I want to let you know that I love you and forgive you for what I am about to write to you. It is difficult to talk about but I must say it: I had known that you've been watching porn since I was about twelve.

 

And so, I wanted to let you know exactly what your porn use has done to me. You may think that this affected only you, or maybe just the relationship between you and mom. But it has had a profound effect on me and all my siblings, as well.

 

I found your porn on the computer just when I was starting to become a young woman. Firstly, it seemed very hypocritical to me that you were trying to teach me the value of what to let into my mind in terms of movies, yet here you were entertaining your own mind with this junk on a regular basis. As a result, your talks to me about being careful with what I watched meant virtually nothing.

 

Secondly, because of pornography, I realized that mom was not the only woman you have ever looked at. I became acutely aware of your wandering eyes when we were out and about. This taught me that all men have a wandering eye and can't be trusted. I learned to distrust and dislike men for their perception of women as "eye-candy".

 

As for those "modesty" talks, you tried talking to me about how my dress affects those around me, and how I should value myself for what I am on the inside. Your actions, however, told me that I would only be truly beautiful and accepted if I looked like the women on magazine covers or in porn. Of course, as I grew older, the culture we live in had only reinforced this message of beauty belonging exclusively to someone who looked like "them". These meaningless talks, in fact, just made me angry.

 

When I had friends over, I wondered how you perceived them. Did you see them as my friends, or did you see them as an object in one of your fantasies? No girl should ever have to wonder that about the man who is supposed to be protecting her and other women in her life. And so I learned to trust you less and less, as what you told me didn't line up with what you did. I wondered more and more if I would ever find a man who would accept me and love me for who I am and not just for a pretty face.

 

I did meet a man. One of the first things I asked him about was whether he struggled with pornography. I'm thankful to God that it is something that hadn't had a grip on his life. We still have had our struggles because of my deep-rooted mistrust for men. Yes, your porn watching has affected my relationship with my husband years later.

 

The bottom line is: porn didn't just affect your life, it affected everyone around you in ways I don't think you ever realized. It disturbs me to this day as I ponder the hold that porn's far-reaching, greedy hands have on our society. I dread the day when I have to talk with my sweet little boy about pornography, and how it affects far more than those who use it.

 

As I said, I have forgiven you. I am grateful for the work that God has done in this area of my life. It is still something I struggle with occasionally, but I am thankful for both God's Grace and that of my husband. I pray that by now you have left this behind, and that the many men who still struggle will have their eyes opened.

 

Love, your daughter.

 

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Video of the Day

  

Protecting Your Seed of Life

 

Exactly what it sounds like: about the life building (& destroying) effects it has for single or married people. All in the boundaries of a sincere, down-to-earth, powerful shiur. 

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To donate by phone, call (24 hours): 718-878-3075 


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Quick Links 

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Our Websites 

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Guardyoureyes.com - Helping thousands break free

GYE Prevention - Shmiras einayim & resources for parents & educators

Venishmartem.com - Find the best filters for any device!

VCFprotection.com - Non-profit filter made for the Jewish community

Filterthon.com - Community events to get filters installed for free

Glattsearch.com - Kosher search engine by Venishmartem.com

 

Help spread the word. Print these 3 flyers!

- GYE Poster

- Venishmartem Poster

- VCF Flyer

 

Important Links

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The GuardYourEyes Handbook - Breaking Free of Lust Addiction, Step by Step.

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