I have leaned to approach sex in marriage differently. (Indeed my actions are now more in sync with what I had learned when I first got married and slowly forgot about). My relationship with my wife has grown so much stronger (I couldn't even imagine that it was possible, but once I learned to be less selfish, new plateaus were discovered). In fact, after having a new baby recently, although this is far from my first child, the relationship after birth has far outdone any previous experiences. I have come to respect and love my wife more than ever, and the lack of physical relationship after the baby has not affected our relationship. Learning to be more concerned for her and her needs, has allowed her to recuperate from birth in a much more relaxed way than before.

I have finally been able to move forward in my avodas Hashem. The heavy weight that has been on my conscience all these years has started to lift. I can get past השיבנו ...והחזירינו בתשובה and מחל לנו כי פשענו and think about other areas of avodas Hashem that I need to work on. Now that I have seen that I can get this under some sort of control, I have started to think about doing the same for controlling my mouth and starting to work on shmiras halashon (getting there) and other areas. Learning self control is a feeling of finding freedom. (אני עבדך בן אמתך פיתחת למוסרי - דהיינו על ידי העבדות נפתח המוסירות) 
 

And also of course shmiras eynayim has returned to its place on the radar and has jumped back up to previous levels long forgotten about. As long as I was succumbing to porn, I guess subconsciously I felt it was a joke to be makpid on shmiras eiynayim. 

I also found that my fear of Youtube and other triggers has helped me deal with unfiltered internet on the rare occasion that it comes up. I am more vigilant so the threat is less. 

I have gotten back into learning every day, and over the last week I have even started getting back to mishnayos baal peh, an old hobby of mine. In fact for the first time in ages, my mind wandered on its own to the mishnayos this morning. Perhaps this is the biggest sign of where I have come to in the last 90 days.

I would like to thank everybody here, the chatters, the posters and the e-mailers. Thank you for opening a window into your own personal lives so others can learn from you. 
 

Thank you for your wonderful and often challenging advice

Thank you for asking for advice so I was able to think things through as I gave advice. 
 

Thank you for being there to help me through the tough times. 
 

Thank you for being there to share with me the good times. 
 

Thank you for being there period (many times that was enough- just knowing you guys are there).
 

And thank you Ribono Shel Oilam for guiding me on the way out of the darkness. 

What now? I do not think I am cured. But I do think that I have the tools to continue on. I also think the tools will help me in many other areas in life. 

My next short term goal is to make it to the first after birth mikva day clean.

My big goal is to make it to 120 clean- not days, years.