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GuardYourEyes Chizuk E-Mail (No. 1171)  

Getting stronger every day!
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In Today's Issue 

 

  • 12 Steps Attitude: 
    What Promises Life, Eventually Takes the Life Away
  • Testimonial: I Didn't Think It Was Possible!
  • Member Chizuk: Live Meetings
  • Daily Dose of Dov: It All Stems from Lack of Integrity
  • Food for Thought: Ponder This...
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    Category: 12 Steps Attitude

    What Seems to Promise Life Is Really Taking Away Our Lives.

     

    "Ein Odom choite, v'lo loi" - No one sins without a direct benefit for himself. Same goes for addictive behavior: if it promised no relief from whatever problems might plague us, we wouldn't go back to the habit again and again. The problem is, as the first step states, that "our lives become unmanageable" as the result of our inability to control our obsessions. What seemed to be a great friend, eventually becomes a great foe. The remedy stops working. 

     

    This how the White Book of Sexaholis Anonymous puts it:

      

    "Typically, sex with ourselves or others starts us off, and just as in other addictions, it dissolves tension, relieves depression, resolves conflicts or provides the means to cope with a difficult life situation or take an action that seemed impossible before. Whatever form our sexaholism takes, it has the apparent effect of reducing isolation; easing lack of emotion, loneliness, and tension; and of gaining power or providing escape.


    This new-found "friend" not only seems to reduce our inner conflict, boredom, and negative emotions, but also offers us fusion, validation, and a false sense of aliveness. But as a matter of fact, all of these effects are false or at best only temporary.
    What seems to promise life is really taking away our lives."

    It takes real honesty to admit this to ourselves!

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    Category: Testimonial

     

    I Didn't Think It Was Possible

     

    By S.G. 

     

    I have tears in my eyes as I'm typing this. I never thought that GYE would make such a difference in my life. When I signed up for the 90-day program, it seemed like a dream, I wished I'd be able to get there but I knew it just wouldn't happen. Well, after a few false starts I finally got on the chart. And then fell off again a few times, went back up for a few weeks and then back off, y'know the drill...


     

    Well, today I reached 45! I'm halfway there, and I can't believe it. I can't even begin to describe how much this journey has changed my life and marriage, and I'm only just starting out. Hopefully it will only be onwards and upwards from here.

     
    I know this sounds cliche, but thank you GYE for all you do for me and for the k'lal! (What do you say when feelings just don't fit in to words?)

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    Category: Member Chizuk

     

    Live Meetings

    Dear Guard,

    Thank you so much for all your encouragement over the last couple of months! 

    Well, last night I finally went to my first live meeting, as you suggested. Over the last couple of days I was just planning, imagining, and getting nervous. I was literally shaking from fear of going to a live meeting. It may just happen to be that I know someone there or someone may see me walking in. What will I say while at the meeting?

    I was practically scared to death, until... I walked through those doors. I just sat down in the corner and ... thank God! No one knew me!

    That worked for about five minutes until someone I knew very well walked in... I thought I was finished! I mean chopped meat! Until it dawned upon me, just like he knows me, I know him. Just like I'm not going around telling anybody, he's not going around telling anybody.

    At the meeting, I thought it would be some real serious place. No! Everyone was joking around with me. They all gave me a hearty welcome, a hug, and offered to assist me in any way.

    Thank you so much!

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    Category: Daily Dose of Dov 

     

    It All Stems from Lack of Integrity 

    Do you think your lust problem is just a side-issue for you? Do you feel that Hashem is really paying attention and showing His love for you in all the other, more normal ways - but the lust issue is just a bump in the road, or some wart you happen to have?

    I cannot speak for you, especially because I do not have any inkling of you or your life and baggage. But in my own case and that of many others, being sober comes way before any mitzva and any "avodas Hashem". No one has any qualms about priorities when running away from an ax-murderer. We all understand that. But somehow, addictions get shoved onto the back burner in the face of the more respectable and perhaps even glamorous things like: 'Keviyus itim leTorah', 'tshuvas hamishkal', 'yir'as Shomayim', and 'simchas hachayim'.  Puleez.  

    The poison that is in a person like me, that makes my never-ending struggle to wake up and have a daily, consistent, and growing relationship with Hashem a losing proposition is not the lack of yir'as Shomayim, nor my lacking middos, and not my absent teshuvas hamishkal or teshuvah sheleimah, at all. It is my lack of 
    integrity, plain and simple. Moshe Rabeinu was not chosen because of his Yir'as Shomayim, his kindness, or his chochma - he was chosen because of his integrity. Honesty, and living by his principles, and leaving that comfy, safe place to identify with his brothers. He didn't have to do any of that - but he had integrity and principles. Simple, basic fairness and integrity. 

    You may not be an addict, but may just have a challenge with masturbation as many people have. You may not be sick. But in my own case, I could not get anywhere near success in avodas Hashem until I started to get sober. Until then I had no integrity at all, and I knew it. And it was disgusting to me. 

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    OnelinerCategory: Food for Thought

     

    Ponder This:

     

    I had lots of lust in my head last night.  I prayed to G-d to remove it; when I repeated the prayer around the 80th time, it went away.

    J.W.

     

    I began learning long ago that those who are happiest are those who do the most for others. 

    Booker T. Washington

     
    If you could kick in the pants the person responsible for most of your troubles, you wouldn't sit for a month. 
    Theodore Roosevelt

     

    Quick Links 

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    Our Websites 

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    Guardyoureyes.com - Helping thousands break free

    GYE Prevention - Shmiras einayim & resources for parents & educators

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    Important Links

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    The GuardYourEyes Handbook - Breaking Free of Lust Addiction, Step by Step.

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