In Today's Issue
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Recovery Poetry: Surrender the Shame
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Testimonial: 3 Years Sober!
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Attitude: Toxic Shame vs. Healthy Shame
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Category: Recovery poetry
Surrender the Shame
By "Ups and Downs"
ONCE AGAIN, THAT AWFUL PAIN
SHAME, REMORSE, I'VE GONE INSANE
THAT FIRST LOOK, MUSTN'T DRINK
BUT I DID AND NOW ALL I CAN THINK
IS MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE
I SIMPLY CANNOT CLOSE THE DOOR
THE BEAST IS LET LOOSE AND RUNS AMOK
BEFORE I CAN PAUSE AND TAKE STOCK.
NOW I SIT BEFORE THE SCREEN,
12 MONTHS ON AND SO SERENE,
HAPPY TO SURRENDER AND MAKE A CALL,
WELL BEFORE THAT FATEFUL FALL,
BUT ON MY OWN MY CHANCES ARE NIL,
MY OLD ENEMY'S STILL OUT TO KILL.
ITS SIMPLE, I'M TOLD, JUST KEEP COMING BACK,
AND HIGHER POWER WILL GUARD YOU FROM ANY ATTACK.
Submit your own poem.
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Announcement
The Nesivos Shalom Conference Call
SUNDAY Mornings from 9AM to 9:30AM EST
Reb Noach Schwartz, LCSW will give a shiur in Nesivos Shalom specially geared to GYE members, followed by insights, sharing and Q&A.
Kindly call in for an enjoyable, educational, and chasidishe schmooze!
Call in number:
From U.S: (605) 562-3131
Israel: (076) 599-0060
(From other countries, see this page)
PIN# 952533 (for all countries)
For Reb Noach's therapy page here.
For Reb Noach's website here.
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Category: Testimonial
Three years sober!
By Obormottel
August 3rd 2014 marked 3 years since I got sexually sober. One day before this day three years ago I hit my proverbial bottom, and after yet another bout of acting out to pornography, I broke down and cried and admitted to G-d that I give up. I didn't know then but that was a classic first step - admitting my powerlessness. G-d heard my prayers and on August 7, 2011 I found GYE and my life has been different ever since. I white-knuckled it for the first four days, then, upon finding the 90-day chart, immediately got on it, and used the benefits of the forum and accountability partners to get through the first ninety days. For various reasons, some of which I had discussed on the forum, I figured that I need SA and joined live groups a little before reaching the 90-day milestone. I've been attending SA meetings several times a week ever since.
I figured that by the time I got to GYE, I had spent over 5000 hours watching porn and acting out, just in the last seven years, and probably double of that in the course of the lifetime. For someone like me to report to you that for three years I haven't viewed one pornographic video or image nor masturbated, is a miracle that only G-d is capable of performing. And it is so gratifying that the miracle of recovery came to me by way of GYE. It's been a truly amazing journey, and I owe thanks to GuardYourEyes and all my friends here, and, of course, the Guard, for saving my life. My children have a functional father, and my wife a somewhat functional husband. I went back to school, and hold a job. I do a ton of volunteer work, in SA (they call it "service") and in other venues. Most importantly, I have my life back, and I am free to do whatever I can put my mind into. Turns out, I have a lot of interests outside of realm of internet pornography, which had consumed all of my time, always.
My favorite line from the White Book of Sexaholics Anonymous is this: ". . . more of the dreadful load of guilt dropped from our shoulders, until we could lift our heads, look the world in the eye, and stand free." That, to me, is most precious. The burden of guilt and shame weighed me down so much, that I couldn't look anyone in the eye, let alone stand free. I can now face people without shame, knowing that although I'm far from perfect, I do let G-d work His magic on me and slowly transform me into a sane human being. Guard Your Eyes showed me the way. And for that, I am forever grateful.
Submit your testimonial.
We are looking for testimony from recovering women, in particular. This disease knows no gender bias, and we'd like to carry the message of hope to women of all ages who still suffer. Please share your story with us.
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One-liner
Toxic shame tells me I am unlovable, broken and can't be fixed. Healthy shame reminds me that although I'm not perfect, I have a choice to correct what is wrong.
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Category: Attitude
The following is taken from "Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence" by Alexandra Katehakis and Tom Bliss. Learn more about Center for Healthy Sex.
Shame
"Shame, I realize now, is an infectious disease. Shame can be sexually transmitted."
Jessica Stern
Shame is a communicable dis-ease passed down through generations. The physiological signs of shame seem universal across cultures with varying practices and beliefs: lowered head, downcast eyes, tingling red face. Social shaming is employed to ensure expected behaviors, and healthy shame is necessary to keep society intact because we must know when we are behaving in shameless ways. However, shame can also be a form of emotional abuse. It's deeply embedded in the human nervous system--we feel it in our gut--and it is one of the earliest emotions that children display. The word shame probably derives from a root word meaning "to cover," and when we feel we've done wrong or even just look foolish, we want to run for cover!
So there is healthy, socially shared shame and toxic or "carried" private shame. Healthy shame clearly reveals the errors of wrongdoing and guides us to self-correct. For minor infractions, we can gently laugh, and playfully remedy the situation--such as letting someone off the elevator before we rush on. But carried shame is self-punishing and has no basis in our actions. It often uses negative self-talk such as, "I am the worst!" This wholly learned behavior results from shame-inducing parents, teachers, bullies, and even fictional characters who informed our worldview. Toxic shame is the natural result of such programming, and therefore we do not have to be ashamed of this shame, because it's not ours. The truth is you have a reason for existing--your own natural grace. The sooner you look beyond the curtain of this shame, the sooner you will see what attracts you to move towards life in fulfillment of your true purpose.
Daily meditation: Which is more prominent in your thoughts, the shame of not being enough or the shame of being at all? Feel your shame to free your shame. Recovery from sexual/romantic dysfunction or addiction means fulfilling your true purpose, not conforming to the status quo. You have a right to be, you were meant to be, so today let yourself simply exist without apology or agenda.
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Announcement
Demartini Breakthrough Experience*
Click here for a brochure of a women's program that will be running in Brooklyn, NY, on August 11 and 12th, that can give you a tool to balance your perceptions and emotions in challenging situations. We have had success with past participants who were dealing with addictions and/or spouses who had addictions. Full Confidentiality. To register call 718 5649935.
*The GYE, Corp. neither endorses nor assumes any responsibility for the outcome of your participation in the advertised event.
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New! Make an easy and anonymous 99 NIS donation to GYE by phone in Israel by
calling: 012-44-90-85-30-19-07 Enter the GYE Code: 7456
The phone-bill of the line you call in from will be charged 99 NIS (it shows up in the bill anonymously as "Additional Expenses/International Calls"). Tizke Lemitzvos!
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