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Category: Attitude

Announcement

The Nesivos Shalom Conference Call

SUNDAY Mornings from 9AM to 9:30AM EST

Reb Noach Schwartz, LCSW will give a shiur in Nesivos Shalom specially geared to GYE members, followed by insights, sharing and Q&A.

Kindly call in for an enjoyable, educational, and chasidishe schmooze!

Call in number:

From U.S: (605) 562-3131

Canada: (605) 562-3115

Israel: (076) 599-0060

United Kingdom: (330) 606-0520

(From other countries, see this page)

PIN# 952533 (for all countries)

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For Reb Noach's therapy page  here.

For Reb Noach's website  here. 

Category: Testimonial

By doingtshuva

I was addicted to pornography at a very high level, burning hours on the web, not working, not eating, and not sleeping. I was just attached to my laptop... But when I realized that I lost control of myself, and that I'm going to lose my family, my life, Ruchnius + Gashmius, I decided to stop. But - I failed and failed till I found GYE! And B""H after 6 month I can thank Hashem + GYE for saving my life. Yes, it will still be a life time battle, but if I really want, I can keep on fighting - 

one day at a time - for the rest of my life! 

To submit your own testimonial or a success story, please email us. Put Testimonial in the subject line.

Category: Recovery poetry

Give sobriety one more day!

By neiroyair

 Hey! What's all this commotion?

I second Hillel's notion.

There is no magic potion

Nor "anti-falling" lotion.

Smile.

Stay a while.

No room for self-pity or denial.

Put your "Will power" on trial 

And guilt, despair, and other thoughts so vile! 

It's time we all adjust.

'Cuz in G-d we all do trust

He won't create a "bust"

It's our daily victory over lust! 

Just follow our dear Cap'n.

Through him Hashem will make things happ'n.

Just keep your head on straight, and keep those toes a tapp'n 

We only fall when we jump off the ball and the addiction catches us napp'n!

So give and give and give some more

That's what we were created for. 

To just keep takin', our purpose forsak'n, would be the biggest bore...

Fears, resentments melt away.

We live and die just for today.

For our sobriety we all do pray,

One-liner

 PLAN AHEAD TODAY: You don't need a parachute to skydive. You only need it to skydive twice.

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Daily Dose of Dov

Dov is sober in SA for over 15 years. See his story here.

One day at a time - just a nice motto or a recipe for success?

Someone writes:

Oy. I hadn't realized how difficult this would be...It's like I feel like my day is not complete until I act out and now I feel this constant fight inside of me to resist... Already feeling completely discouraged in terms of looking/acting. Looks like it's gonna be a looonnng road ahead:-(

Dov replies: 

Gevalt. You may be suffering from what I and others here and everywhere suffer from, at times:
1- the belief that "the motto 'one day at a time' is smart, sweet, nice, and encouraging - but not really reality. It's a gimmick." 

That's too bad. See, there is no looong road ahead. There is only today. As long as we smile wryly when we hear that, and pretend to agree to just focus on today - just cuz it makes things easier - we still don't get it. Gimmicks do not make for a new life. There are no gimmicks in this business. Only confrontation with reality. 

and perhaps also,

2- the belief that "distracting myself from desires is what it's all about."

Too bad again. That derech is truly fine for some people, many of them ba'alei madreigoh and serious b'nei Torah. But for me and many other folks with chronic lust problems, it means it's all still all about me, me, me. King baby still rules the day. And sof davar, it doesn't work. Cuz when I feel like being really good (cuz deveikus feels great!), I'll serve myself up some great 'avodas Hashem' experience - and when I don't feel so good, I'll take a sweet serving of porn. 

And that's exactly what we do.

I know people like to imagine that we are far more l'shem Shomayim than that, but methinks we overestimate ourselves...especially we of the predictably masturbating crowd. 

"Vayigbah libi b'darkei Hashem" is not an excuse for sticking our heads in the sand... 

Well, that path of salvation - fully relying on the game of distraction to prove I am doing something about my problem - is probably 100% fine for most frum yidden out there - but not to addicts. It's too little, too late.  

 

Perhaps it's a question of focus. For an addict, focusing on being a ben aliyah seems to be just plain stupid - for the simple reason that we'd be putting the cart before the horse (as usual). But there we go again, imagining that hechereh madreigos is what we really need! Ignoring the foundation is just too tempting and too easy. No bedrock of true G-d-awareness, a wish-washy honesty (that has been tolerating being two-faced for years!) at best, and immaturity galore? No problem! "I'm busy crying real tears of d'veikus in the middle of L'cho Dodi right now, so please leave me alone!" That's too easy. Before we know it we are back in the toilet...

Rather, living with Hashem is never defined by 'being good'. Being good results from it or helps lead us to it - but it is not it, itself. It happens in the mind, where nobody can see. As they say in AA about recovery, "it's an inside job."

So it's a paradox. On one hand there is no way to think ourselves into right living - we can only live ourselves into right thinking. But the actual recovery is a state of mind. Of surrender to G-d by way of surrender to the truth, one little step at a time.

It's about being a little more real, a little more honest, and a little more focused on Him than on myself. Sounds like a madreigah, but it's not. Plenty of goyim do it - most of the sober drunks and drug addicts (and sex addicts) out there eventually get it to some degree, and that's how they stay sober for the rest of their lives. It's G-d who does it, not them. But simultaneously, "ein hadovor tolui ella bee!" I am the only one who can surrender to Hashem and let Him in to take care of me. And I can't learn how to do it by myself. I needed to learn how from other drunks on recovery, and still do. I forget so, so easily. 

And frum Jews have a harder time than most in doing this. We lust to understand it, to retain some mental control, to not seem idiots - even neged Hashem. Of course, as any of us will agree, porn and masturbation make total idiots of us all. Nu. So it bleibs a kashya.  :

And the dumb farmboys surely have it easier. Nebach for them...?

Some 'madreigo', huh?

May Hashem bless us all with protection from all mistakes and with at least a tiny bit of joy in the truth, no matter how it looks or feels.