~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GuardYourEyes Chizuk E-Mail (No. 1145)

Getting stronger every day!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Announcing

GYE's Daily 12-Step Phone Conference will be restarting tomorrow - Monday April 28, after the Pesach break.

JOIN US!

* 8:30am * 12 Noon * 10:20 pm (All time are EST)

* Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays!

The Conference Call In Number is (209) 255-1000
Participant Access Code 637207#

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Announcing

A new cycle of the 12-Step call for women.

The call will IYH be starting this Tuesday night, April 29, at 9:15pm EST (once a week). If you are a struggling woman, be in touch with Letakein for more info at letakain@gmail.com.

See this page for more information.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Announcing!

The Launch of 8th Cycle of The Desperados

With Dov as Moderator

This coming Sunday, May 4th.

Dov wrote today on the forum:

Anyone who is interested in REAL recovery is invited to join a phone group in which we all drop our usernames and use our real first names. A group of guys only, by invitation only. Each guy is allowed on the call only after they have spoken with me personally to make certain they are for real. Otherwise how do you know who is listening in on the call? A newspaper? Your wife? Your mother? You don't. So how could there be honesty and openness?

If all you want is information, fine. Read more advice and enjoy yourself a while longer. But that is not the derech that AA discovered years ago that works, and it is not the way any of the ba'alei mussar and tzaddikim discovered works. The way that works is real people getting real with other real live people about what's really going on, and sharing the answers with each other. Hence the power of the mussar va'ad over 'listening to shmoozes'. The Piascetzner Hy"d wrote about this in "Bnei Machshovo Tova", and so have many others like R' Elimelech in #13 of the Tzet'l Kotton, and it has always been the derech of the serious mussar students, as well. Get realer, not smarter.

All of us addicts have been through the pride-based phase of insisting we just need to get smarter, "to beat this thing"... till we are finally beaten down enough not to be so proud any more. Like Par'oh exactly. It is really just fear-based shame and pride.

I was there for the first 20 years of my acting out, and finally had enough.

If you have had enough guessing and want to do something real, just email me if you are interested and we will talk it over. I am not afraid of you and you need not be of me, either. There is no cost here and no obligation to do anything but bring yourselves to the group as all else do. We do not ask for your credit card numbers, home addresses, face-time, or religious affiliations. We are just a group of addicts in recovery b"H, sharing it as our 12th step, period.

The group is called "The Desperados", we meet on the phone for an hour at lunch every Sunday and Thursday (NYC time). You will not find the access code (PIN) posted anywhere on GYE, cuz it's private. As it should be. It's a little like in-person meetings.

We are starting a new cycle in a week from today iy"H. It will be about our 8th so far.

See this page for more info.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Beast and You

The brain has a large mass on top, the neocortex, which supports human consciousness. Underneath, is the end of the spinal cord, the brain stem, and the many structures between the brain stem and the neocortex we may call the midbrain. The midbrain manages vital life processes and automatic behavior like heartbeat, respiration, sensory experience, emotions, and survival drives. In a very general sense, the neorcortex is the "human" brain, while the midbrain is the primitive, animal foundation for our existence. Some identify the midbrain as the Beast brain.

Your brain is not you, but a part of your body. You are not your brain, but the owner of your brain, a human spirit, self, or identity ("I") that authorizes all voluntary behavior, e.g., your addiction.

On one hand you want to quit.
But on the other hand,
you would like to continue
acting out
as much as you want.

Forever.

You are ambivalent,
feeling both ways.

Your addictive voice
is your body talking to you.

In thoughts and feelings,
your addictive voice tells you
to lust and act out.

Your addictive voice is the expression of your appetite
or your desire for lust.

That appetite originates in the biological,

animal side of human nature,

so we call it the Beast.

It's like there are two of you,

at cross purposes,

in conflict.

In mortal combat.

Your Beast is ruthless.

It cares for nothing you love.

It wants only one thing.

The high.

Any reason will do --

good, bad, or indifferent.

It will exploit any tragedy,

take advantage of any good fortune,

or ask for no reason at all.

It uses for its own sake.

To get high.

To feel real good all over, from head to toe.

Your Beast hides in the dark.

You cannot see it, any more than you can see your own eyes.

But you can feel it. Beasts have strong feelings!

It cannot tolerate

for you to see it.

It fears being seen for what it is: a rogue, animal desire.

It knows that you can kill it --

once you see it.

It fears you, and you can feel its fear.

Your Beast is a rogue appetite for pleasure,

born of chemical drugs in the brain.

Your Beast expresses itself through your thoughts. It uses mental images you can see, and it uses the same thinking voice that you hear reading these words.

It speaks with great authority because it is a survival drive.

But it cannot act on its own.

It needs pronouns.
It needs you, your precious "I."

Your Beast's favorite word is "I."
Without that word, it is paralyzed.

When your Beast wants lust, you hear,
"I want to lust."

But it is a lie.
"It, not I, wants to lust."

Too bad for it.

Do you want to continue acting out?

Or, is that your Beast?

The Beast is a master of disguise.
It seems to be you!
But it is only an appetite for a high.
You are not an appetite.
What could be more impotent than mere desire?

You are neither your beast brain, nor any kind of brain.

You can say:

"I am not my body!
I am not an animal being!
I am the owner of my body!
I am the master of my body!
I am a human being!"

Humans dominate beasts
within or without.

You are human,
intelligent and versatile.
Therefore, you have an enormous advantage over it.

You control language.
You make the rules in your head.
You know right from wrong, and it doesn't.
Best of all, only you control your muscles.

The Beast knows only one answer to any question,
one solution to any problem,
one action for every occasion.

Lust! Fix!

The Beast is a dumb thing, a party animal.
Regardless of its disguise
or how pleasant it feels,
it only wants to drink or fix.
It is your deadly enemy.

Treat it as such.

When you think about acting out,
you may feel anxious.

You know the likely, ugly consequences.

But at the same time, the Beast feels pleasantly aroused.
Only you can remember the bad times.
It remembers only the good times.
It never learns.

It is very frightened of you.
It wants to survive.
It knows what you are capable of doing.

So how would you like to end
your addiction for good?
How would you like to get on
with your life as a normal person
who simply never acts out?

(The word is "hope.")

Your Beast is just doing its job.
It intends to survive,
even if you do not.

It is a worthy opponent,
but...

humans prevail over beasts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Help Us Help Others!