Giving Away Our Minds
(on Purim - and Always)
By Hillel Hazukyn
Reb Chaim Shulevitz asks the obvious question:
Why is there an obligation to become intoxicated on Purim? He magnifies his question with the famous Shl"a hakadosh that says Purim in spiritually more elevating than Yom Kippur???
His basic answer (after all his proofs) is the following:
The Avodas Hayom, the main theme, on Purim is doing the will of the Hashe-m without our own understanding, being a true Eved Hashe-m (slave to G-D ). This requires us to be mavatel (remove) our daas (minds) for the will of G-d. The way we accomplish this (completely and totally - something a human can normally not achieve) is to drink.
It's even more elevating than Yom Kippur since then we have our minds getting in the way of doing solely the will of Hashe-m.
What struck me was that I have seen this vort many times over the past few years and I always thought that I internalized this message.... Until I found GYE (and the 12-Step call).
There I learned that I HAD NOT internalized this message, but I also learned HOW TO (as much as a sober human being could).
Thank you GYE and more specifically R' Steve (from the morning call)!!
Ah Freilichen Purim to all my sober (not on Purim) and holy brothers,
Hillel
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More from Hillel Hazukyn...
How Everything in our lives can help us stay sober.
I used to think that all the musar (working on self character..), torah, tefillah, chesed etc,... were all something I had to do as part of being a frum jew, as part of my essence, who I really was / wanted to be.
But doing all those things could in no way help my urge to act out,it never did. Even though I thought It was suppose to ... but it was too late for that, because I thought I was at the stage in my life where chazal tell us "Ain maspikin biyado lasos teshuva" - (G-d removes, from certain individuals, the ability to do teshuva).
I thought that my problems was that I had was a terrible inclination to lust, to do all those things that make me feel good physically, even though it was forbidden.
I just needed it, and when the urge came, there was no stopping me ("nasa lo kiheter - -it becomes like its allowable"). And so I was sure that in that area (that dark secret) of my life, I was forever lost and would struggle with it till I die...
Then came the program, and it taught me what my problem REALLY was.
It taught me that I was Baruch Hashem NOT a normal person but I am a sick person who has to live a life very conscious of G-D or else my illness will get out of control. And most importantly, it taught me how to live a happy lust-free life with the addiction.
Now I could "refocus my glasses" to EVERYTHING that happens to me and to everything that doesn't happen to me.
To re-apply all that I have learned and will learn.
To re-think all the acts of kindness and all the musar shmuzen and see how they were telling me to surrender my wills and desires to G-D.
With this new understanding and clearer perspective on life, I could help an old lady across the street, or for that matter, change my kids diaper and think to myself, "I am doing what G-D wants me to do and I will do it happily even though I'm 1/2 hr late for work and my boss will be mad at me and he won't give me a raise" (yes, I still have those absurd thoughts).
No, it's not magic, I constantly repeat the serenity prayer - my own version - to myself not letting my addictive thoughts ruin my life. Also, now when I hear my Rav / Rosh Yeshiva / Rabbi / Chavrusa / anyone say, " we must have emunah in everything etc..", or any torah thought I hear, those torah ideas can help me strengthen my mindset in my daily focusing on G-D for all the things that could arise and potentially trigger me to act out.
The program is about giving it away and not wanting anything in return, unless G-D gives it to you. Then you will find and come to realize that G-D is everywhere, helping you and guiding you and loving you - and there's no greater PHYSICAL pleasure than that, GUARANTEED!!
