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GuardYourEyes Chizuk E-Mail (No. 1139) 

Getting stronger every day!

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Picture of Addiction
 
By Skeptical
 
For most people, they may be able to have a bit of lust. We can argue about whether it can be healthy or not, but for those people, in the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal.

For me, I know that once I allow myself to entertain one tiny thought of, "wow, cute looking female," or whatever, my mind does not let go. There is no off switch. One thought leads to the next, which leads to the next. The next thing I know I'm on the computer saying, "5 more minutes." Three hours later, it's one or two in the morning, I know I have to be up at 6:30, and I'm still having a hard time pulling myself away to go to sleep. Then in addiction mode, I wake up at 5:30 to get on before I need to leave the house. I'm exhausted and not functioning properly, but who cares? I like it. So the whole day I'm looking forward to getting back to my garbage and I'm irritable if I'm unable to return it when I was anticipating it.

This is the picture of addiction, but keep in mind there are many people on GYE who are going through the same struggles. Being an addict doesn't mean that we are bad. It just means that over time we have taught ourselves to deal with life in an unhealthy way. It's a journey to get and keep ourselves healthy, but there are many many success stories.

Whatever you do, don't give up. Stay out of isolation and keep on moving forward!
 
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Link of the Day

 

Pathway out of addiction

 

Amazing shiur on addiction by Rabbi Wallerstein 

 

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Sorry sir, I cannot go there at the present time

  

By Cordnoy

  

Here are some of the thoughts and mindset that I remember from the 18 hr binge I had 62 days ago.....

There was a build up of slipping for almost two weeks
It was so enjoyable
The excitement was intense
The feelings were fabulous
The euphoria was overwhelming    

 

The fall was devastating

I remember looking down from the balcony of the 15th floor at the magnificent view down below, saying to myself, "I am as low as the deepest valley in the distance; perhaps I should join them." I was talking to my friend (who helps me out of these messes), who asked me if I'm really contemplating this, and I replied that although I wasn't really, but "why not?" I said, "I am filth!" I was letting all that I am close to down by my egregious behavior - so why not really let them down? But the obvious answer was that I have so much to live for.

And it was at that point that I said to myself, "If I have so much to live for, then why am I not living?" Why am I allowing my life to be so unmanageable? And yes, I already knew that I was powerless once the lust button kicks in, but it is my actions and thoughts that allow it to enter in the first place. And I knew that I needed a commitment of some action, something that I had been fighting against for the previous 7 months of so-called sobriety, I knew it was time to take that step... There was no turning around.

So I researched and found an SA group that I can attend, and I made it my business to go every week. (Have I missed once or twice since then? Yes, but it is always on my schedule).

Some will say that you need to do the program. Others will say that a sponsor is required. You will have people say to write down all your history; work the steps, etc. And all that is true and good. Who knows what step will work for each person? I certainly don't! But what I do know is this: Do something that is difficult for you to do; something that you have contemplated in the past, but for whatever reason (ego, pride, time, etc.) you decided against. That one step, imho, will propel you onward.

I am not a fellow that has been recovering for 12 years, so I am no expert. I am recovering today! Honestly, I do not pay attention to the past, and I do not look forward to the future. Not because I don't want to, but rather because I can't! In order for recovery to work, in my case, I must have all my senses to make the right decision right now.

My desires now are second looks, clicking where I shouldn't (and I don't have a filter or accountability software). Together with God, or only thru Him, I was given the strength... for right now, for this moment... to say, "Sorry sir, I cannot go there at the present time, for if I do, I will end up in a pool of blood sprawled across the San Fernando Valley, and my last waking moment would have been passing by the sights of God's beautiful world, one that I was too damn egotistic about to take advantage of, and one that I needed to separate from to satisfy my lustful desires." Oh no! I'll stay on the ground floor. I won't look up, and I won't look down... straight ahead... at the moment I am being give by God right now.

Perhaps this will help you; perhaps others.....it definitely is helping me....and you know for how long? You guessed it! Just for today.

b'hatzlachah

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