Hashem, I am clean for a while but I can't seem to get a grip on my Shmiras Einayim. As much as I try, I keep falling back to square one. I am fascinated by women, by the shape of their bodies, by the beauty of their faces, by the way they move. I find beauty in almost any female on the street, and I begin to obsess whenever I see them. I can't help this. I can't change the way I am. I am just fascinated by them. It's not my fault Hashem, that's how I am. What can I do?

But on the other hand, I know that it's all a lie. I'm fascinated by what? By flesh and blood? By body parts? By a slightly different shaped body than a man? I know there's no real magic there, it's all an illusion.

I also know that when I obsess over these things, it makes me sad. Because I anyway can't have the illusions and fantasies that fill my mind. And it also makes me sad because desiring these things take me away from my life's goals and from Hashem.

And I know that obsessing over these things is dangerous for me, the addict. It can easily cause me relapse into the disease of addiction. It can make me lose my marriage, my job, my good name. It can lead me to sin in terrible ways that would destroy my life in both this world and the next.

But I can't help myself. I have this incredible fascination for the other gender. What can I do?

And then the answer hit me...

It is true that when I see a beautiful woman I am powerless. I am fascinated. I obsess over it. But... I don't HAVE TO LOOK!

Once I look, it's all over. I am overtaken by the illusion, by the fascination, by the disease... There's nothing I can do. I can't help obsessing. But if I don't let myself look in the first place, I can avoid being pulled in. I really can.

So all I have to do is constantly remember that I am powerless over it once I take that first sip. I must remember how it's a lie, how it makes me sad, how it is DANGEROUS for me. And then, I make a strong decision NOT TO LOOK.

And as long as I don't look, I have discovered that the lie has no power over me. Before I look, I am still in control.

So today I will guard my eyes so that I am not pulled into fascination over a lie.

Today I will guard my eyes so that I am not pulled into powerlessness.

Today I will guard my eyes so that I don't begin to slide down a dangerous slope.

Today I will guard my eyes so that I remain happy with my lot, connected to my goals in life, and to Hashem.

As long as I don't look, I can remain in control.

Hashem, help me remember this always.

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