Category: Testimonial of the Day

Nothing Compares

By Mendy.Willi

After keeping a long streak of 101 days clean I started falling again. So for the first time, I decided to join a live phone conference at 10:20 with Shlomo. I feel the immediate and massive impact on me, nothing and literally nothing else, not the 90 day chart, not the TaPHSiC method and not reading over and over again the hand book or the 12 steps - compares to the live phone conferences, which is like a 'coaching' where you are getting trained how to implement L'maaseh' the 12 steps. Not just reading it. Thank you!

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Category: One Victory at a Time

Sober Just for the Next 10 Seconds

By Eye.Nonymous (Elya)

Two days ago I was feeling totally filled up with lust. I was downtown all afternoon with some stuff to do and a lot of waiting in between. I made the mistake of wandering into a book store to pass the time. I was on guard against the magazine racks, but the regular best-seller sections had a couple of books with some very triggering pictures on the cover. I did catch myself and get out of the book store after a couple of minutes.     

Later on I took the subway home, and couldn't stop staring at a particular lady. What got me most was that she was modestly dressed, "so it's not so bad!". That sick rationalization again.  

I made a bunch of calls, but still felt full of lust. Later that night I had a dream that I was about to act out and the thought entered my mind, "If I keep this up, I'll lose my sobriety." So, I stopped.  

I woke up glad that my recovery was apparently strong enough to leak into my dream, and glad that nothing happened. But I still felt full of lust and all through the morning I felt like acting out. I made calls to program friends to share my frustrations, which helped a little. But a short while later I felt like acting out. I needed to go to the bathroom at one point and felt determined to act out. Meanwhile I said to my Higher Power, "Please keep me sober for just 10 seconds."  I counted down the 10 seconds so I could act out afterwards. I managed to start the count again. After the second time I had finished relieving myself and told myself it was time to get out of the bathroom.     

I still felt like acting out. I interrupted my morning schedule to write a fear and gratitude list, and I called someone and shared it with him. It helped, but I still felt like acting out again soon afterwards.     

All together I made 8 calls and 6 people answered and talked with me for some time. As long as I kept feeling like acting out, I kept making more calls. I felt so determined to act out. The sixth person I reached was most helpful. I started to ramble on, "Well, this feeling started last night-so what happened then?"  There's a recovery slogan, "don't look where you FELL, look where you SLIPPED."  I told him about my afternoon downtown. He shared with me, "I also have trouble being downtown. It's not so much the immodestly clad women as much as the whole atmosphere-people just sitting around eating in nice cafes, smiling and laughing and having fun--carefree. And then I look at my life full of so much stress and so many problems and think, 'why can't I be like that, too?'"  I identified completely. With that, I felt the lust was taken away and I had a reprieve for a few hours.    

Then, it came back. I was facing this job and I was all worried about whether I could do it or not. Fear was killing me, and making me want to act out. But then, I managed to sit down and get to work; the job actually went smoothly-it was nothing like I had feared. I think my financial situation in general is another thing I have to work on surrendering to my Higher Power.     

Today, thank God, I feel that I have a reprieve.

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Eye.nonymous (Elya) Shares one of his secrets to success:

I have been pretty regular about a morning 11th step-seek conscious contact with my Higher Power through prayer and meditation. This was something that was difficult for me for a very long time, but I recently came across a suggested approach for meditation which I have found very easy to work with.     

First of all, I begin with the premise that my Higher Power has only my best interest in mind and whatever is happening in my life and inside my head is up to Him and for my ultimate good; my Higher Power loves me and through life's difficulties and internal struggles, He is trying to send me a message. With that, I begin:     

1. I thank my Higher Power for the struggles I am facing. (This gives me a lot of fuel to talk to Him).   

2. I ask my Higher Power to help me realize what He is trying to teach me through these challenges and what I need to correct in my thoughts or actions as a result.   

3. I ask my Higher Power to help me increase my awareness of Him and my belief in Him.   

4. I ask my Higher Power to be patient with me as I work on improving myself (progress, not perfection) and to grant me-as a free gift, whatever I may need to fulfill my purpose in life. I also take the opportunity to pray on behalf of others (especially that my wife should find the same peace of mind and contentment that I am hoping to experience myself).     

I do this in the morning after formal prayers; I sit in a side-room by myself and set a timer to give myself 5 minutes of this before getting on with my day.