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A Beautiful Letter from Dov
Dov (wequithiding@gmail.com) has about 15 years sober in SA and is the leading moderator on the GYE forums. He also leads a special SA phone conference. He has been guiding hundreds of GYE members for about 3 years now. Today he wrote me this beautiful e-mail below, which I wanted to share with you all:
I just want you to know that I just got back from a sexual sobriety shabbaton with ~300 people, at least 100 wives and >200 sexaholics, all going to SA and S-Anon meetings and getting well, be"H. It was incredible. The speakers, the ruach, the simcha, the meetings, the honesty and the sobriety. Lots of laughing and lots of crying, lots of couples working hard to get life right for themselves and their families. What can I say?
And there were at least 30 guys there who came over to me to thank me for GYE. Many told me that although GYE on its own wasn't enough for them ...but they found friends on GYE, and those friends led them to SA. Now they are sober, their wives have support with their S-Anon sponsors and buddies, and their families are transformed and getting better. After sitting down with the first two or three guys, I took a break to go to the bathroom. As soon as I locked the stall door, I burst into tears. The love between husband and wife that is finally revealed in the patience we have for each other in recovery is far, far more than anything I have ever seen before. I cried while in the middle of talking with a young married guy in my phone group who was at this Shabbaton when I saw so clearly how deeply his innocent and confused wife loves him, asking him, "Can you see now how she loves you? Can you imagine that there is a real G-d in the world who loves you that much too?...But you still hate yourself and hate others, don't you?" He is coming around slowly now.
A great member in the fellowship told me today that he did not see GYE as an appropriate way to save so many families when I first mentioned it to him. But I stuck with it, stayed available to the scared and confused "ba'alei Teshuvah"... and now many families are alive that were previously dead and dying. I know that it is not just me, but Duvid Chayim, Steve, Shlomo and others, too. He admitted that GYE is a conduit that Hashem is using to change the way the frum world gets into recovery and that he is amazed.
GYE is for many yidden, not just addicted ones. But tein li hanefesh - I pray you will allow and help me to keep being there for the yidden who see they need more help than anonymous postings and pretend names can give them. The others (I won't call them "rechush" like that rosho king did!) you can keep... they get what GYE can give them and do well with it! But the budding addicts - keep helping them into 12-step recovery, ad meyah v'esrim!
Thank you for this life-changing opportunity.
- Your buddy for Hashem and His people,
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Bemakom SheBa'al Teshuva Omed
The Talmud teaches that one who has sinned but then asks for forgiveness comes closer to G-d than someone who never sinned. This means that a person who was wicked but left their evil ways reaches higher than a person who has always done the right thing.
If so, the Talmud asks, should a righteous person intentionally sin, in order to have the opportunity to change his ways? After all, he can't reach the level of a reformed sinner if he never sins.
The answer is no, he shouldn't sin. One reason is, he might enjoy it and never repent. But more than that, if he sins just to repent, his repentance will not be sincere because his sin was not sincere. If you sin just to get closer to G-d, you never rebelled properly. And if you didn't rebel, you can't truly regret. If you didn't actually go off the path you can't get back on.
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From Tzavaat Harivash [Baal Shem Tov]
As translated by KEHOT publications
"Shiviti- I have set God before me at all times." (Psalms 16:8)
Shiviti is an expression of hishtavut (equanimity): No matter what happens, whether people praise or shame you, and so, too, with anything else, it is all the same to you. This applies likewise to any food: it is all the same to you whether you eat delicacies or other things. For [with this perspective] the yetzer harais entirely removed from you. Whatever may happen, say that "it comes from [God], blessed be He, and if it is proper in His eyes..." Your motives are altogether for the sake of Heaven, and as for yourself nothing makes any difference. This [sense of equanimity] is a very high level. Lehavdil - this is very similar to the 12-Step approach, in the sense of accepting Hashem's will for ourselves no matter what happens or how we feel. | 
