~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GuardYourEyes Chizuk E-Mail (No. 1109) 

Getting stronger every day!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

Tomorrow is the launch of the 9th cycle of our 12-Step Phone Conferences - Monday, Oct 15 

 

See this page for more info 

 

After his first cycle with Duvid Chaim, "Shimi" wrote:

 

I would like to thank you, Duvid Chaim, for all the support, and for being my sponsor for the 12 Steps. Since I have been with your Group Call, I want to express my appreciation for the most amazing group of men, from all walks of life; Chasidish, Litvish, Modern Orthodox, FFBs or BTs - You United us all. All of us silent sufferers thought we were alone and had no way out. But you showed us the light. You made it possible to find recovery and to realize that we can attain the "freedom" from the disease. You gave us clarity and conviction. I saw how people that joined the Group continued to return to the Call. These were people who shared my difficulties and who I can identify with.  

 

Together, we read and we shmoozed and everyone added something to the Group. And even though we did not agree all the time, there was respect and we were able to work on ourselves. Yasher Koach to all the Talmidim!

 

For me to have been in the Program made my Elul so much more meaningful along with my Tefilot. It was clear to me that my goal was to make Hashem the King. I was able to surrender my will to Him, to listen, to learn, and to love Him like I was never able to do before.

 

Duvid Chaim, you were able to bring out things in me I never tapped into before - the deep emotions - the feelings - the enlightenment, and most of all, the joy in my life.

 

Thank you Hashem for letting me get to know Duvid Chaim. Me'omek halev I say, Hashem should give you the Koach to continue all your avodah and bring out the most from all your talmidim and future talmidim.   


Mondays through Thursdays

~ 8:30 AM EST (Steve) ~ 

~ 12 PM EST (Duvid Chaim) ~

~ 10:20 PM EST (Shlomo) ~

 

We are using a company which allows people to call in from almost anywhere in the world as a LOCAL CALL!

   

Looking forward to seeing you on board!  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Announcement 2: Webcast on Sexual Addiction   


There will be a webcast on sexual addiction on Tuesday 10/16/12 at 9:00 PM EST. Those interested can log on here. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Jack
 

By Yiddle


The jack is a simple machine. It allows you to lift or move something that otherwise would be too heavy. However, this ability doesn't come from nowhere. You have to move the lever much farther, so you are exerting a smaller force but over a larger distance. When someone is depressed, tired, lonely, feels like his life is futile and then gets the urge to act out, that can be a heavyweight nisayon. It would be the equivalent of trying to lift a car. It has been done in very rare cases, but there is a better way. Use a jack. But it'll take time so you need to start well in advance. Check if you have filters for all your devices. Make sure they up to date. Write up a list of things to do when feeling down. Put it in your wallet. The list is long, but that's the point. You see, you are still doing the work, only you have traded a short high intensity nisayon into a long term more manageable nisayon. The bottom line is that the actions we take to guard ourselves from falling is really the exact same nisayon as the overpowering urges, only we are using the tools Hashem gives us, to turn them into a form that is more manageable. And that is precisely our job. Because if you saw a man trying to lift a car with his hands instead of using the jack, you would consider him a fool, and rightly so. The RSh"O gave us strengths, intelligence and tools. Therefore we are responsible to use all of them to overcome the nisyonos he sends us.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

POWERLESSNESS

 

Someone asked Dov (sober 15 years in SA) what powerlessness in the 12-Step program means. Dov writes:

 

Powerlessness simply means that I really, really stink at living without acting out my lust. But more to the point, it means that I am really bad at using and enjoying lust. I feel sure I can do it, so I keep trying - but when I do, important areas of my life eventually get screwed up and I get miserable. My years of sincerely trying to use it without it ruining my mind, relationships and life, and all that while 'fighting it to finally quit!', prove to me that when I do partake and try to enjoy it, it takes over my day, I take risks, lose self respect and my relationships become progressively uglier.

 

That's why I eventually had to get sober. Not because I have self-will to quit or yir'as Shomayim. No. It was simply because doing it my way was too big a mess.  

If I (Dov) could successfully enjoy using porn and acting out my sexual fantasies, I would. Probably so would most guys who are stuck in habitual masturbation and porn use - though they hate admitting it and perhaps consider it apikorsus. Of course, that does not make it untrue...  I will not lie to you or to Hashem or to myself - my years of trying to control and enjoy it prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I feel I need it. That I must have it. That I must control and enjoy it. That I must tame it. But I cannot. For whenever I have tried to, it messed up every aspect of my life more and more. So apparently I do not have power over my lust. I can't use it successfully. That's "Powerless". And it feels pretty sad. Incredibly sad, actually.

When people (we) say they can't "beat this addiction", what do they mean by 'beat it', really? I think that while they are fighting it and crying and such, they do not really intend to never enjoy porn and masturbation ever again. Oh, they may think they mean just that perhaps, but it's a lie... actually it is a fantasy. Ironic. Instead, what they (we) really are trying to do is to control and enjoy it so it can be used as a last resort: when we really feel we really need it. And the fantasy tells us we will eventually figure out how to do that without ending up being controlled by it, ever again. To be the master of our own lust. Quite a twist on the 'koveish' from "eizehu gibbor? Hakovesh es yitzro." The koveish captures and masters the enemy - this is our secret hope. And that is why many sexaholics never get sober. Normal Jews can do it - but if one is an addict, that is apparently an impossibility. Too bad, no? Hard to accept. But, nu. Life's tough like that.

Sound crazy? Well, all the denial aside, many of us - particularly those who already hate themselves because of all the sperm we have spilled on the ground - have a powerful lust to 'finally' be beloved or special in the eyes of Hashem. Kind of like 'tzaddik envy' - "I need to be one of those supermen, too!" 

 

And just like people often argue endlessly with a certain sibling, child, or parent - the head-banging goes on for years, decades, a lifetime. As though by winning 'this last big argument' or making 'that perfect point' we will finally stop, convince or change them - for decades... It's sick - but we do it because we simply refuse to surrender. We are powerless over others. The other side of Ish b'chet'oh yamus means we are all responsible for ourselves - and that is because G-d knows that nobody can successfully control or fix another. All we can do is tochacha - not 'fixing'. They need to fix, and make the decisions they need to make. And that goes for our children, as well. And an addict cannot even fix himself (or herself). No wonder we often strive with others in kiruv, argument, rivalry, resentment... That is just the way it is for many of us.. maybe this is the 'why'.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 




4lashon

Please help support our work so we can continue to help acheinu b'nei Yisrael! 
 

We are in the process of redoing our website in a much more professional way to build the framework to accommodate tens of thousands of Yidden around the world. We also need to advertise our work so that more people know there is help available. Who ever has a part in this work is making an investment in the future of Klal Yisrael!


(Anonymous recurring credit card donations possible)

Donations by phone: 646-600-8100
 

Checks can be made out to: "GYE Corp." and mailed to:
GYE Corp.

P.O. Box 32380 

Pikesville, MD 21282

U.S.A.

Donations are tax deductible.


Important GYE Resources


Haskamos


Join Our Mailing List
If you have been forwarded this e-mail by a friend, click above to join the list!