Parenting an addict
in remission 
It's always difficult to keep things normal, but particularly during the holidays.
Does parenting an addict, an addict in remission, mean I can't have a little nog with my egg, if that's what I would normally do ?
The answer is certainly an individual one. There are people who would say I should not permit (much less desire) any mind-altering substance in my house now that I have my son, an addict in remission, living at home with us.
But I believe there is such thing as a normal, heck, even a healthy lifestyle that includes a festive alcoholic beverage.
He works at a restaurant that serves alcohol. He lives in a home that serves alcohol.
I am done raising my son. He is a man and he needs to make the choices in his life as a man with the tools he has, including those he learned in rehab. He never was addicted to alcohol, so is it okay for him to have wine with dinner? I would rather he didn't, but he believes so. I think it is absurd to not continue to live my life normally because I have an addict in the house. Alcohol can be found anywhere and everywhere, so the elephant is in the room whether we imbibe openly or not.
My wife was in a car accident and has had over a dozen back procedures; She takes pain killers openly because she can take them as prescribed (we lock them up now, of course, because everyone, including my nieces and nephews or the carpet cleaner could grab them if they aren't locked up). I think it's the same thing: I can have a beer with my taco, or a bit of nog with my egg on Christmas eve and not drink all night. This is within the range of normal behavior.
We just hope and pray that our son has the tools to navigate a world where drugs and alcohol can be found everywhere.
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And please, forward this to your friends and others who you think would get something from it. Thanks! |
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Greetings!
Happy Holidays. It is such a common thing to say this time of year, and while it is important to keep a positive attitude, man, it is hard to do. Particularly if addiction is part of your family. If you have a loved one out on the street somewhere, or living with another addict, or in prison, or perhaps no longer living, I wish you strength and hope for happy holidays in the future. If your loved one is in remission, you may fear that the stress and pressure that the season brings may lead to a relapse. The specter of drug addiction never really goes away, does it? It's cliche to say "life goes on" or "what will be will be," but they are true sayings. As parents and loved ones of addicts, even addicts in remission, we have to maintain responsible boundaries via assertive communication, keep engaged with the treatment resources available; if they are still using, wait for our addict to have the profound experience that will signal their readiness to engage in treatment or re-engage in treatment, keep love in our hearts, and hold tight to hope. We can't control another person's recovery, but we can control our reaction to it.
Wishing you peace as the new year opens before us.
Best regards,
Bradley V. DeHaven
brad@rxdrugaddict.com
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Addicts in Prison
As you know, I went undercover to bust a dealer to keep my son from prison. I didn't believe then, and I still don't believe now, that prison is the place for addicts. Murderers, yes. Even dealers, yes. Addicts?
Like my son, Michael Douglas' son Cameron was busted for dealing (Cameron was dealing meth), and is an opiate addict. He just got more time added to his sentence for successfully having drugs smuggled into the minimum security prison where he was serving his term.
It's not so strange that a drug addict would risk everything to get more drugs. He is an addict! He needs treatment for his addiction, which one source I read said they were holding until after his testimony against a drug cartel. How does this make sense?
The Huffington Post, which is outwardly pro-drug decriminalization, featured an opinion piece written by a former addict who spent 12 years (of a 15 to life sentence) in a NY Prison for a first time non-violent drug offense. He, not surprisingly, writes that drug addiction is a medical problem, not a criminal offense.
I have a whole mess of questions, and not a whole lot of definitive answers.
What do you think? Prison for drug addicts? I want to hear persuasive arguments. Please comment on my blog.
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| Writing the Sequel
My first book,Defining Moments: A Suburban Father's Journey Into his Son's Oxy Addiction, was about my life and the moments that came to define the way I handled my oldest son's addiction to prescription pain killers. It was a memoir, and, true to the genre, it was all about me. Since writing it and beginning my quest to get the word out about this epidemic, I have spoken with hundreds of people, mostly parents and family members of addicts, and I have learned so much about addiction and the effect it has on families, also appropriate and inappropriate action/reaction.
In the sequel, which I plan to package along with a new edition of my first book, I share what I've learned since that night that I sat in my truck to do that drug deal on my son's behalf.
I hope to include some heart wrenching stories that have come to me during my campaign for awareness: The waitress at a restaurant sees my book and reveals her dirty little secret between the spaghetti course and the gelato; After a presentation at a high school, a parent approaches and lets her story, once pent up, out, in a flood of emotions. Where at one time I was surprised by the candor of these family members, it has become so common that now I expect it. I understand their need to talk about the addict among them.
Stay tuned...
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Brandon Update
When people ask, I confidently say that Brandon is doing great. He's still working at the restaurant, and living at home.
I mentioned that Brandon is enjoying an occasional drink in my feature article. Honestly, I wish he wouldn't, but I am so happy that he isn't lying about it, which speaks volumes about where we are. |
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Be responsible about your pain management.
Lock up your meds!
 Don't let the neighborhood get their illegal prescription drugs from you unwittingly. If you have a house cleaner, a baby sitter, a teenager, dinner parties, anyone at all in your house and you take prescription meds, lock them up!
RxDrugAddict.com friends get a special deal with RxDrugSafe. Check it out on my website! |
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