A man put a choke-hold on his girlfriend's 3-year-old daughter's neck with enough force to cause bleeding from both of her eyes and her nose, as well as a rash on her chest and neck. Doctors confirm the symptoms in the Exeter abuse on March 7th are consistent with asphyxiation.

The girl survived, and charges for the perpetrator were subsequently reduced from first degree assault to second degree assault because a doctor testified that the child's eyes would recover.  Given what we now know about the effects of child maltreatment, the NH Children's Trust advocates for a change in public policies, as well as more public and private funding for parent education and family support. 

The effects of child abuse are not "simply" physical or short-term, nor are they limited to what can be observed with the naked eye.  A mountain of research and evidence points to sharply increased rates of subsequent difficulty for children exposed to violence and neglect, particularly when such treatment comes from parents and other caregivers with whom a child would normally develop a sense of trust, safety and security.  Difficulties over a lifetime for such children often include a lack of trust, inability to form and maintain stable relationships, poor health, coping behaviors that are often self-destructive such as substance abuse, incarceration, mental illness and a greater likelihood of raising their own children in chaotic, unstable and unsafe environments.  Is it any wonder that more than 2/3 of the incarcerated population in the United States was abused when they were children?

If we are to break this cycle and ensure that future generations are raised in safe, stable and nurturing families and communities, we need to fully embrace the notion that the social/emotional scars of child abuse are ultimately more disabling than physical injury in most cases.  We need to acknowledge that most abuse of children occurs in children under the age of three - the same developmental period when their brains are being wired to understand the world as either a safe, secure place or a scary, threatening one.  This is the first lesson that infants and toddlers learn, and they learn it deeply.

If we are to break the cycle, we must not wait for parents and caregivers to fail in such spectacular fashion.  Failure makes it easy to point fingers of blame, but does nothing for that child or future children.  The man in Exeter became angry and injured this 3-year old child for wetting the bed.  Knowledge of child development, and what can reasonably be expected of children at various stages, is a key element in child abuse prevention.  Parenting classes, home visiting, positive family supports and guidance in choosing appropriate partners and substitute caregivers are all essential in protecting children before they come to harm.  Punishment of perpetrators alone will never be enough to preserve our children's childhood.  New Hampshire spends more than $38.5 million in general funds on child protection services once a report is filed.  Zero dollars in general funds are dedicated to prevention.  Is it any wonder that a story of a NH child being abused or neglected appears nearly every day in our papers?  How many more families and parents will need to fail before we conclude the current system is not working?   How many more children, many of them infants and toddlers, will need to suffer physical and emotional pain before we change course?

Across New Hampshire, a network of family resource centers and family strengthening programs offers a wealth of programming and information for both the general public and families facing difficulty.  Find the one closest to you (http://www.nhchildrenstrust.org/find-a-family-support-program-near-you) and send them a generous donation.  Ask your local legislators what bills and funding mechanisms they have supported to reduce and prevent (not just punish) child abuse at the local level.  Contact your NH Senator and Representative and ask them to reauthorize the Maternal Infant and Early Childhood Home Visiting program this month.  This is federal money that comes back to NH; last year it enabled community based agencies to provide more than 3,770 home visits to more than 300 vulnerable parents and their children statewide.  Next time you see a frustrated parent with children in tow at the grocery store, smile and acknowledge that parenting is hard work.  Help is available, and that help needs to be systematically supported through both public and private funds. 

The effects of child abuse and neglect are not simple or short-term.  The effective prevention of such abuse is not simple or short-term, either.  To change the current reality, each of us needs to care enough to take action.  Every day, children find the courage and strength to take their first small step.  Surely we can find the courage and strength to take a small first step to support them.

The NH Children's Trust is a statewide nonprofit agency whose mission is to lead the drive to eliminate child abuse and neglect in New Hampshire. 

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