Russell Elkins, author of
Open Adoption, Open Heart, and I were both award winners at the 2012 Top Idaho Authors Awards Ceremony.
My grandson Brandon was adopted through Bethany Christian Services, which is an open-adoption agency (
www.bethany.org or 1-800-Bethany), so I was eager to hear about Russell's book and ask him a few questions:
What inspired you to write this book?
Adoption is one of those things that everybody thinks they understand, but really don't know a whole lot about. I'm not picking on the general population-I was one of those who thought I knew what it was until I actually got into it. Once my wife and I started our adoption journey, I thought, Holy cow, this is very different than I thought. I didn't know that today most adoptions are "open adoptions," and I didn't understand the dynamics of open adoption. Most people don't.
I learned the most important thing for hopeful adoptive couples to consider is this: What level of open adoption do they want? Problems arise when making promises about something they've never experienced . . . which can lead to broken promises . . . . Ouch! So that's the "reason" for my book. It's not a "how to" or a "this is what to expect" book on adoption: it's the "closest thing to living through an adoption yourself."
For those considering adoption, this book lets the reader come along side my wife and me through our story, in all the intimate details. So the reader can think about how he or she would handle and feel about the same situations we encountered. And for those who are not looking to adopt, it still takes the reader on an awesome ride--the stressful and the beautiful--and teaches about adoption today.
Tell us about your experience with infertility-
We didn't try very hard to get pregnant, at first. When my wife and I "decided" to have kids, it was more like "Let's get off birth control and if God sends us a baby, we'll be happy. If not, then later is fine too." Well, that didn't work. Then when I graduated from college we really wanted to start a family, and we started determinedly "trying" to have kids.
We even tried some of the things our friends were telling us--I say "some" because boy, we heard some crazy ideas and a lot of people seemed to think our reproductive lives were an open discussion. Still nothing worked. When we started seeing a specialist, close to 4 1/2 years after starting to try, it just intensified our disappointment and emotions. We were devastatingly sad every month when, yet again, we were failing to do what a lot of people do by "accident"--start a family.
We only did the fertility specialist thing . . . ultrasounds, shots, tests, and yadda yadda yadda . . . for three months. Those three months felt like three years. We so desperately wanted something to happen. Failing again and again, when we were trying so hard and even paying for someone to help us, was frustrating. We were done.
We didn't ride the infertility treatment train as long as a lot of people do. We have friends who stayed on those tracks for a long time and have had excellent results, but the time came when we felt God was calling us to adoption. I think God wanted us to try infertility treatments just so we would feel 100% on board with adoption. So when His call came, we were completely ready.
What do you suggest for anyone thinking about adoption?
Don't go into it blindly. Whether you read my book, or you get your info from somewhere else, you owe it to your future child and the future birth parents not to make blind decisions. Talk to people. Read books and listen to adoption stories. Know what you're getting into. Adoption is no longer like it was in the 1980's, or even the 1990's. It's different now. And never make promises you're not sure you can keep. Start your promises small. It's always easier to open up the relationship as you go along, rather than try to work backwards.
Adoption is the most amazing thing in my life, and I'm incredibly grateful to God for allowing us to be part of this world. Hooray for adoption!
Do you know someone who would be blessed by Russell's book?
Email me to enter in the drawing for a free book.