"I love my kids but I hate my life." As a sociologist and parenting coach, Dr. Christine Carter says the most common complaint she hears from parents.  Her work tries to change that: "I want parents to love their life, too!  My hope is for parents to feel deep gratitude for the times when parenting is easy and fun and also to appreciate the challenges of the job. A happy life does not exclude pain."

One of the big ideas to take from Dr. Carter's wise conversation with Kate Ebner last Monday, is the complexity of a seemingly simple idea like happiness. Dr. Carter, who studies happiness at UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, as well as writing about the subject and its connection to parenting, emphasized that "happiness is a code word for having a life that is filled with all sorts of positive emotions."  She explained, "We desire positive emotions about the past, present and future. Gratitude is another word for a positive emotion about the past, while hope denotes good feelings about the future. Both gratitude and hope are important for happiness."

Dr. Carter also illuminated one of the ways in which unhappiness can manifest: perfectionism. She explained, "Perfection is a particular form of unhappiness because it, by definition, it is never satisfied. Perfectionism is born out of a fear of not being good enough or of disappointing someone."

So how can we steer ourselves towards happiness? Gratitude and self-discipline are the keys, according to Dr. Carter. Studies have proven that actively expressing gratitude is linked with increased feelings of happiness while self-discipline is a necessary ingredient to producing long-term change in habits.

Believe it or not, routines are another key to happiness.  When asked whether routines didn't constrict happiness by imposing even more structure upon our already highly-structured lives, Dr. Carter surprised and enlightened us with her answer.  Listen to the interview to find out why living life with more daily routines can actually make you feel freer. You can also download the podcast. Please visit the Raising Happiness website to find out more about Dr. Carter's work, read her blog and sign up for her parenting courses.